Review of my book Treole Horka!:

“My name is Bruce. I was born in the 80s after a nuclear war. A time they call 20year. But, I call it butt-kickin’ time…or Justice Time.”

- Treole Horka!, book jacket

Armageddon week, Day 1: As stated before, Treole Horka! is my comedy about nuclear war and spoof on big 80s action stars, or the post-apocalyptic genre in general. I recommend you buy it if I publish it. It’s protagonist Bruce, has a monkey fused in his right shoulder (“The shoulder of justice!”) He’s a big beefy mutated rebel biker pitted against the evil Dr. Kirp who is served by an army, the B.A.D. I wanted to have Bruce use as many smooth one-liners as possible, invoking stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Campbell, so that it really drives home how cool he is. Along the way, he meets the forces of G.O.O.D.

A major theme is the epic battle between G.O.O.D. and B.A.D. Whereas Bruce is the go-to mutant biker who wanders the nuclear wasteland beating up “dweebs” Communists, and oppressive biker overlords, all while wearing his best punk outfit; G.O.O.D. is a cyborg army led by Commander T that stops threats to the nuclear wasteland, which are caused by B.A.D. and the evil genius Dr. Kirp. Commander T is always pumped, and calls himself “The Master of Pumptitude”. Thinking that’s
cool, Bruce follows them in their hunt for Dr. Kirp.

So, they hunt B.A.D. together. Bruce fights ninjas, bikers, cultists, mutants, the undead and giant mosquitoes among other things. And yes, he has a big gun. It’s just what you would want in a good action story! As Bruce bashes through 7-11 overlords, board game obsessed tough guys, and a trailer park with a Communist Cola vending machine, he pieces together where Kirp’s base is. I won’t give away the jokes, but if you read the sentence before, it’s some pretty absurd stuff, and still cracks me up. Bruce’s insults don’t even need to make sense to sound cool.

A major source of comedy is Bruce’s image. And the monkey. The whole monkey-in-the-shoulder thing kind of offsets Bruce’s tough guy image. “No one gets out that lucky after a nuclear war.” Also, Bruce’s “girlfriend” is the mutant Laboratory Octopus. She’s sexy, but has tentacles growing out of her head. They ooze slime and stuff. So, they are too mutant lovers with opposite sort of juxtaposed images. I really wish I could talk about the jokes, but you’ll have to read them!

As I’m good at doing, the whole story is written in a sort of faux-epic style. Contrary to what this blog conveys, I don’t always write like I’m writing a Communication thesis! Ha! Here’s a little taste from Bruce’s encounter with the dastardly Slasher Gang:

 “The Slasher Gang…” Bruce's voice roughened in deadly preparation for a snappy insult. “Not the sharpest knives in the box…”The Slasher Gang-- that bunch of rude-looking knife-nuts-- was perhaps best known for their love of sharp objects and bubble gum comic strips. Together, they formed a fearsome band of dagger-wielding degenerates under the iron rule of the infamous teen idol and criminal mastermind known only as “Razor.”

And that’s just one of Bruce’s fiendish foes to face! Bruce explores the vast nuclear wasteland and discovers such venues as a post-apocalyptic 7-11 (which is huge, and a valued resource!) a perfectly good Perkin’s Pancakes, and a bombed out pet store which arouses strange primal memories in a certain shoulder-monkey!

Will Bruce uncover Kirp’s base and discover the meaning behind the acronym B.A.D.? Will Commander T lead Bruce astray in the doomed nuclear wasteland? Will you ever find out how the heck a monkey ended up inside Bruce’s shoulder? Does Bruce do laundry? All these questions answered and more in Treole Horka!! (Special thanks to my twin, who edited it and got it bound.)

      (Bruce; photoshopped by Robert Bogl.) 

TURKEY DAY REVELATIONS

TURKEY DAY REVELATIONS:
Last week, I went to my mom’s place to be with my brothers in Athens, and celebrated my birthday (yesterday!). So much cool stuff happened. I rarely ever get to see my brothers these days, so time with family is nice. I particularly enjoyed the fact that I got to celebrate two Turkey Days. One while my older brother was in town, and one on actual Thanksgiving/my and my twin’s birthday. Yes, we’re a family of three men. In fact, just got back to Columbus, so I guess I can safely say vacation is over. Early effects of Turkey coma are still setting in.
    I’ll probably have turkey sandwiches for a while at least. However, I know I promised my audience a book review, and a review of dystopian themes. How about both? As a birthday present, which was totally unexpected, my brother got me a bound copy of a post-apocalyptic nuclear war comedy that I wrote in 2006. It’s called Treole Horka!, and it’s a book now. The title is nonsense. It came to me in a dream. My twin elegantly described it as: “like Mad Max written by Mel Brooks.” So, a report on that later, along with Terminator etc.
    In other news, I’m in love with my iPad. I finally stepped into the 21st century. As much as I enjoy being a technologically advanced alien, I have yet to master the touch screen, and my cell phone is a relative dinosaur. I probably prefer sci-fi tech to real tech. Starships and so forth. It seems about 6 years ago, I fell out of a technological loop, and getting back has been a glorious return. My favorite iPad game is Animal Legends.
    Perhaps as a disability culture review, I’ll critique the accessibility of the iPad in general. Some of the features are less than intuitive. But, after dystopia. I also enjoy how easy the iPad  makes reading books and watching movies. I must’ve read about 4 comics and 5 sci-fi short stories. All creatively stimulating. For a media nut, I’m a full-on iPad enthusiast. I’m no techie, but I am a media nut. The iPad puts it all at my fingertips.
    Of course, I got gifts for my twin as well. Aside from his ASTOUNDING gift of a bound copy of Treole Horka! (which I may publish soon…we‘ll see.) I also got to watch Freakazoid which was my birthday gift to him. It’ll be off to California soon with him. So, I had to watch it while he was with me. Having grown up watching it, I figured he would appreciate it.
   Speaking of growing up, my twin and I recovered some 2nd grade stories we’d written. Although our grammar has much improved (and basic language command.) we were surprised at how similar our stories were in tone to what we write today. I was surprised what a good young author I was. I wrote about heroes and imitated TV and videogames; even attempting to add what we later deciphered as infomercials into my journal entries! (“Only $0% you pay!”; I didn‘t understand money back then.) Shades of the young mythologist/media critic I was to become.
   It is appropriate then, that on our birthday, we in a sense rediscovered ourselves. The old saying is true: There’s nothing new under the sun. “There are no unknowns. Only things temporarily hidden.” As Captain Kirk says. New worlds of media are waiting to be explored. In the solitude of that house, I have more time to myself, and a supporting family.
   By far, nothing pleases me more than this self-discovery. That my life has been one between worlds able-bodied and disabled, and of critiquing (and enjoying) different media. First, it was an electric typewriter for me, where I wrote things. Then, laptop. Is this the age of the iPad for me? No longer tethered physically to the computer, I might carry the iPad and go places. And of course, watch Dr. Who, Star Trek, and read books!
    Birthdays for me always symbolize a sense of rebirth…if I may be a mythologist again. But, this time as the iPad opens up new territory for me, I feel it quite stronger than ever before. I am always grateful to see my brothers who always have new things to talk about, and are a welcoming warm sight. ( Also, on my iBooks I downloaded an ethnographic study on families raising children with disabilities; should be fun. Home is the beginning of any cultural analysis, I think. Cultural patterns are set there first.)
   In conclusion, I have a lot to write about. Expect a lot more posts. We’ll begin the thematic of dystopia not with T2: Judgment Day, but with my own comedy novella…
TH!: Treole Horka!. and maybe later I’ll discuss disability and media as always. I have a lot of new “ammo“, so to speak! Hope you all have had a good Turkey Day; but stay tuned for Armageddon on Through Alien Eyes!