“A man, a shotgun and a bunch of zombies. You're humanity's last hope, and it's your job to keep them in line. Adjust your shots and angles, and watch your bullets bounce from wall to wall, elegantly cutting off the arms and limbs of each zombie.”
Stupid Zombies is one of those time-waster puzzle games where you clear each stage by aiming and shooting until all the enemies are gone. Each puzzle gets harder as you progress. It's like Angry Birds, but with zombies and monsters. The main character is stationery, and you take out all the enemies as best you can.
You have different ammo, different obstacles, and different monsters as you continue. For example, one level you might have bomb ammo, bouncing ammo, or there might be boxes or glass in the way of the monsters. Some levels have traps you can activate like exploding barrels or crates that can eliminate zombies. But, no good Angry Birds-clone is complete without microtransactions (a.k.a. pay-to-win.) and star rankings.
Each Stage has 360 levels. You can unlock 4 stages. You unlock stages by getting a certain score (Up to 3 stars each.) on each level depending on how good you did. Each has their own unique settings and traps, but are essentially difficulty settings. So, Stage 1 is relatively Easy, Stage 2 is Normal, Stage 3 is Hard, and Stage 4 is Expert.
You can, of course, just pay for airstrikes that automatically clear a level. A pay-to-clear attack is a grand tradition of Free-To-Play Angry Birds clones. But, I'm not doing that. I like my Free-To-Play games to actually be free. So, in conclusion, it's Angry Birds with zombies. It won't win awards, but it's a fun, mostly free way to waste time. Check it out!
Hi there, gamers! Do you want a fun game on the iPad that isn’t a huge, ad-ridden money trap? Try Punch Quest. Punch Quest is a fun combination of endless runner/beat-em-up. So, it’s all about how far you can get punching through zombies, skeletons, monsters, and demons! Tapping the right side of the screen keeps your player punching and running. But, also, tapping the left side of the screen does a little flying uppercut move. Another tap pounds the ground in a sort of combo.
Those aren’t the only moves in your arsenal! Along the way in your punching frenzy, you’ll get power-ups like grillin’ fists,(They shoot fireballs!) and iron fists that protect you from harm for a bit, and make you stronger! And finally, there’s a raptor that shoots lasers out of it’s mouth. You read that right. If that doesn’t make you excited to play this game, you must be dead inside. A laser-shooting dinosaur!
Yes, Punch Quest sounds like something a hyperactive five-year-old dreamed up. But, that’s fine by me. It’s fast-paced, fun, and unapologetically wacky. As far as I know, the only thing that would make this game inaccessible is the speed. But, the speed is also good for racking up points. If you punch out two or more guys, it leads to a combo. Combos multiply your points.
Points can unlock new techniques and armor. Luckily, this uses app in-game points only to buy things. Not real money! So, if you’re looking for a quick bit of fun, download it. And enjoy! There are boss fights, but since it’s an endless runner, the only thing that really counts is how long you hold out, and the points you score. It’s very replayable. Radical! With its simplicity, speed, breezy controls, and fun, it’s certainly worth a download.
And it’s cheap! There are so few good accessible games that Punch Quest certainly punches its way to the top of my list. Oh, and I haven’t even unlocked new techniques yet. But, I have beaten one boss…a flying skull! How cool is that? Go download it for all of $0.99! (When I got it, it was free. But, the price seems to have gone up!) Punch your way to greater and greater glory! All in all, this is one gnarly iPad game. 5/5 stars!
FINAL GRADE: A
ACCESSIBILITY GRADE: A+ (You control the entire game just by tapping sides.)
FORGIVENESS FACTOR: A (It‘s very fun, and replayable. See how long you can hold out!)
TOUCHSCREEN CONTROL: A- (Kind of fast, but still incredibly easy to play, and fun!)
Undead Slayer is an iPad hack n’slash game with an Ancient Chinese/anime style. This means lots of blood, too. After a while the zombies start coming in mobs and you have to take down armies! More than most iPad games, I found that with Undead Slayer I had a really difficult time distinguishing between taps and hold-and-tap techniques. This is super important because hold is to charge up your weapon…I only got a samurai sword, but you can buy more in-game. With the zombies coming in mobs and following your tracks, one little accidental second charging instead of attacking and your brains are zombie breakfast.
Usually though, the charge attacks and special techniques are good at clear the screen. You’ve just gotta charge with no zombies around. Early on, you can buy a fireball ability with an area effect which is nice. Just make sure it’s charged before you meet a wave of zombies. With the tapping being so rapid, and the movement being so fickle (tap your destination, but if a zombie’s in the way, in turns into attack.) it’s a very intense game. I would say that alone would make it inaccessible to some. But, I love the intensity; what I hate is the tap sensitivity, which often had me charging my sword with a mound of zombies on my heels, so I’d run into a corner turn around and unleash the charge…and it still wouldn’t do the trick by then!
If you die, you can come back with all your stuff if you spent jade, which are thankfully collected in-game and not exclusively through in-app purchases. If you don’t have jade, you lose your equipment and skills. Overall, it’s a challenging game. It’s not particularly accessible if you don’t like getting mobbed or having to tap really fast. Like I said, this is a problem in this game specifically because of it’s tendency to mix-up commands. I’m afraid I only like it for the anime art style and action! I’m biased. But, there’s really not much in the ways of accessibility unless you count the screen-clearing charged attacks! And there’s lots of zombies and blood…so there’s that!
I thought it was fun, but it’s definitely got it’s own niche. It can be frustrating. Just remember to charge your attacks really, and you’ll do all right. Take on smaller mobs by regular attacks. If all else fails, run and use a charged attack. It can take time, but it can also be well worth it. The game itself, in terms of physical accessibility, is kind of at war with it’s own control system. But, on a slightly morbid upside, it also means when you die, you die quickly, and can re-enter the game without wasting time, if you have jade. You see, I really want to recommend this game, but if you’re not into over-the-top anime zombie hunting action, then why even download the game, right? Happy zombie hunting!
FINAL GRADE: E
ACCESSIBILITY GRADE: B+ (Visually, it is pretty simple, except for some complex shop and skill menus.)
FORGIVENESS FACTOR: D (No jade? Lose everything.)
TOUCHSCREEN CONTROL: F (Charge, run, and attack easily get mixed up, and you must move quickly before you get eaten by zombie mobs!)
SCREEN GETS CLUTTERED VERY EASILY
HERE'S WHAT IT NORMALLY LOOKS LIKE.
(EXCEPT I DIDN'T PLAY A GIRL.)
IPAD ACCESSIBILITY REVIEW: INJUSTICE: GODS AMONG US
When I saw Injustice Gods Among Us available for free on the iPad, I couldn’t resist. It’s one of the hottest games out this season, and I’m always up for a good comic book-based fighting game. I get to punch people? As a superhero/villain? Sign me up. At best, it will be almost as good as the home console version. At worst, it’ll be a cheesy knock-off, littered with pay-to-play content that I‘ll just avoid like Kryptonite. I don’t have instant access to a home console so for me, this was too good to pass up. It makes me want to try the home console version!
A short tutorial explains the basics of combat. To my surprise, it isn’t really turn-based combat; but neither is it exactly real-time. Rather there seems to be an amount of time attacks can take. The rest depends on tap speed and swipes for “hard” attacks. The most difficult for me is to block, which requires pressing two fingers down quickly on the iPad. Typically, I solve this by turning the iPad more towards me so that my two fingers register, instead of my two fingernails. But, as reaction time is a factor, it’s still an issue, but I’m learning ways around it. I guess you could say, one advantage of the iPad version is that the characters are usually in fixed positions, unless knocked down or performing a superpower. This, for me, is advantage; I don’t worry about moving AND attacking. But, it is obviously a limitation of the iPad game, and I’d like to see the “real game.”
Thus, it’s not really a fighting game, but then few iPad games are. It’s more like a fighting game/role-playing game, where you buy equipment, and level up to improve stats, attacks, and superpowers. The superpowers are fun to watch! And you unlock more (Up to three.) as you level up. Mercifully, characters can be gained by winning fights, but it’s a bummer that all characters aren’t readily available. Unless…guess what? You pay or get in-game points! No thanks, I‘ll wait to get Batman and Superman; even though that’s HALF the reasons anyone will GET the game. So, finding out my starting roster was Green Arrow, Green Lantern, and Solomon Grundy…yeah, I was a little mad. But, my faith in the game was renewed when I unlocked Catwoman after 2 fights. I never claimed that this was better than the actual game; I just wanted to see the superpowers and the fights!
The superpowers are activated by tapping the superpower bar once you’ve dealt enough damage and it fills up. Now, here’s where some accessibility issues come in for me. Obviously, I’ve got to do swipes for hard attacks, but that’s not too difficult, although probably any other game I would’ve been more harsh on, but I just love a good fighting game/comic book throw-down. I can usually get away with just tapping as fast as I can, and then attempting a swipe at the end, for a knockdown blow. The superpowers on the other hand require different motions to deal more damage; but they typically do a lot of damage regardless if you increase the damage with the motions or not; plus, they’re fun to watch, and add some strategy to the game as to when to use them. There’s a tag-team system (three heroes each fight) where you tap on a character to bring him/her in. And idle heroes heal, too, when not fighting…so it adds a little more accessibility, in that if things get tough, just bring in the “Tank”; or use a superpower for a knockdown and tag out.
For example, two of my favorites right now are Green Lantern and Catwoman. Lantern’s “Turbine Engine” superpower (He rams an engine of green ring energy into the opponents face!) increases damage with rapid taps. Catwoman’s cat claws increase damage with vertical and horizontal swipes. Of the characters I have, Green Arrow’s “Electric Arrow” is probably the easiest, and usually does about 53 damage regardless. When activated, a cross-hair appears, and it just says, “Tap to shoot”. Well, okay then! I can do that. The hardest and most powerful thus far is my Solomon Grundy, but, he’s obviously a “Tank”. Catwoman is DPS. I’ve won fights just by tapping really fast with the cat claws. Each fighter has their own strategies, but if you play RPGs…it’s easy enough to handle.
Overall, my biggest letdown is that you have to unlock characters/skills with points and (No thank you.) real money. I’ve been imagining these fights forever in my head, as I imagine most others have. My fantasy battles though didn’t exactly include Solomon Grundy vs. Nightwing. I wanted to see Superman vs. Batman, like everyone else! But, the game is so engaging to me, that I’m willing to get through it all, and unlock them. I’d be more harsh on the game’s block mechanism, if I didn’t like seeing the fights so much. My own bias, but there you go! I’m going to have some great DIY physical therapy with the game’s fast-paced battles. There are a few dexterity issues such as superpower moves, but I’ll learn quickly, or else just outsmart the iPad and hold it at different angles. That said, I really like the game, but would prefer it had more heroes and more fighting-game elements than RPG elements. Injustice, indeed!
In conclusion, I’m mostly satisfied with the game because I get to see comic book fights. But, I’d rather not spend points and money for equipment, skills, and characters. (Though I don’t know if that also applies to the home console versions.) In addition, I’ve developed my own strategies around some iPad accessibility issues; and I WANT to master them! Which is saying a lot. But, in my opinion, one of the advantages of a 100% fighting game is being able to dive right in and fight, even if you just button mash. Some say cheap, I say accessible! So, in the end, it’s a great game visually, with some dexterity issues, and some iPad limitations. Some of these (like fixed fighting positions.) are good; others (like blocking and supermoves.) are difficult, and still others (like pay-to-play content.) are unforgivably unjust!
But, I can learn ways around the difficult things. In fact, I want to. It’s a small obstacle for having this great little comic book fight simulator in my hand. I just have to work at unlocking characters and finding out which combos of hero teams works best. If the game has a Kryptonite though, it would be not letting me start the game with Superman and Batman! And I haven’t even unlocked Superman…so perhaps I should say…yellow ring? No, it’s just not the same! Also, all the heroes profiles are represented by cards. Why’s everything in an RPG have to be a card now? I blame Magic: The Gathering. Still have to see the “real game”!
Earlier, I had promised to review the disability accessibility of the iPad. So, I was psyched (or should I say, “Cyked”) to play this 1992 arcade classic which at the same time ties in with my favorite superheroes. There were some accessibility issues, as there seemingly always are with iPad games. Those of us with less than full dexterity will often tire of taps or swipes that don’t register. But, the one big pro was the game itself!
First off, before we get to pros and cons, I remember this game from Birchwood Mall in Port Huron, MI, when it was new. My memories are extremely vague, but I remember everybody always wanted to play it, and there would be like 5 people crowded around that big X-Men cabinet; lots of shouting and shoving, my mom would hold me up to the cabinet to play. Here was a game that let you be the X-Men. Cyclops, Colossus, Storm, Dazzler Nightcrawler, and Wolverine; this was not the roster from the 1992 cartoon, then new; this was from the 1989 cartoon pilot Pryde of the X-Men!
But, differences in roster aside, you got to fight against the bad guys from the comics. And what could be greater? Translating the format from cabinet to touch screen however, proved a bit tricky. On a cabinet, you have big giant buttons: jump, attack, mutant power, and a big joystick to move around with. On a touch screen, you have small, touch-sensitive icons, which are lumped together in the bottom right of the screen. Lumping together makes perfect sense if you have full dexterity, or are on a cabinet (after a while you just physically feel where each button is.) but on a touch screen, it means you’ll be pressing the wrong icon unless you look down there a lot.
Most curious to me was the joystick translation. Here, you have a small X in the bottom left corner of the screen. With most iPad games you just tap the screen and it goes. This is not so here. The spaces in between the X correspond to cardinal directions that you hold down to move. Especially given that the icon is on the opposite side of the action icons, it was difficult, though not impossible, to do two things at once. Moving and attacking, being relatively close but on opposite sides, is easiest. But, say, jumping and attacking is a bit more slippery, or jumping in a given direction. For this reason, I hated pit levels (which I believe start with level 4 and continue on.)
If there was a pit, I was falling in it, which of course makes you lose a life. So, unless I very slowly walk around it down Nightcrawler or whoever goes. Also, if you take too long…I believe a minute after clearing an area and the game tells you to “MOVE ON! à
” a bomb drops, killing your hero. While this was useful in arcades as a tactic to goad lazy bones holding back the group when arcade goers were spending precious time and tokens, it just feels annoying here. I’m trying to save the world, and the game drops a bomb on me.
Pros for the iPad: Mercifully, the iPad version has a “pause” icon so a bomb doesn‘t drop on you every minute! Also, you can continue as much as you like. While it takes away from the challenge, sometimes it’s necessary to just use your mutant power attack to clear the screen, although it takes two health slots. Honestly, there is such variety to the attacks that the mutant power attacks never made me feel like I was less into the game. There’s a difficulty setting if you want more challenge, which I can assure you the arcade version didn’t have. These are all plusses to the iPad version for accessibility.
In fact, to me, using mutant power in more desperate situations (attacked in mobs, etc.) made the game feel more like a comic book; like you were really kicking butt! Which, I’m sure was the game makers intention even in arcades, when gamers would wait for those situations to pop up. It looked cool, and it saved sweet tokens. And the 5 guys you could play with would thank you maybe. On the iPad, since you don’t use tokens, mutant powers are just shorthand for either “I wanna look awesome!” or “Ugh! Let’s get this fight over with.”
A note on character appearances. As mentioned before, this is the 1989 roster from what I see. Dazzler is basically Jubilee. Professor X has a power chair it looks like, but it is less detailed and it’s ambiguous how he’s driving it, since there’s no joystick. Details, details. Also, the characters retain the badly translated Japanese dialogue, such as Magneto and Emma Frost’s “Welcome to die!” which adds a corny factor. Twice, even! Two characters say that! Also, you know it’s from the 1989 roster because Professor X has no British accent.
Stylistically, the game very much reminds me of an arcade game. (Those token-eating beat-em-ups of the 90s.) but the control mechanism really takes me out of the game sometimes, which is otherwise a good game: I don’t want to see Cyclops getting pummeled because I was punching one guy and forgot to turn around. But, the iPad makes up for that in that it is not as merciless (thank goodness!) as the arcade.
Overall, I’m excited (X-Cited?) to have the game again, and to relive some epic childhood moments. For me, it’s all about story. And now I’m in there again, using mutant abilities to save the world. As the game says: “Here come to the heroes to save the world from destruction. They are X-men!” Oh yeah, I’m an X-man again! Now, if only I could stop jumping against that wall!
TURKEY DAY REVELATIONS:
Last week, I went to my mom’s place to be with my brothers in Athens, and celebrated my birthday (yesterday!). So much cool stuff happened. I rarely ever get to see my brothers these days, so time with family is nice. I particularly enjoyed the fact that I got to celebrate two Turkey Days. One while my older brother was in town, and one on actual Thanksgiving/my and my twin’s birthday. Yes, we’re a family of three men. In fact, just got back to Columbus, so I guess I can safely say vacation is over. Early effects of Turkey coma are still setting in.
I’ll probably have turkey sandwiches for a while at least. However, I know I promised my audience a book review, and a review of dystopian themes. How about both? As a birthday present, which was totally unexpected, my brother got me a bound copy of a post-apocalyptic nuclear war comedy that I wrote in 2006. It’s called Treole Horka!, and it’s a book now. The title is nonsense. It came to me in a dream. My twin elegantly described it as: “like Mad Max written by Mel Brooks.” So, a report on that later, along with Terminator etc.
In other news, I’m in love with my iPad. I finally stepped into the 21st century. As much as I enjoy being a technologically advanced alien, I have yet to master the touch screen, and my cell phone is a relative dinosaur. I probably prefer sci-fi tech to real tech. Starships and so forth. It seems about 6 years ago, I fell out of a technological loop, and getting back has been a glorious return. My favorite iPad game is Animal Legends.
Perhaps as a disability culture review, I’ll critique the accessibility of the iPad in general. Some of the features are less than intuitive. But, after dystopia. I also enjoy how easy the iPad makes reading books and watching movies. I must’ve read about 4 comics and 5 sci-fi short stories. All creatively stimulating. For a media nut, I’m a full-on iPad enthusiast. I’m no techie, but I am a media nut. The iPad puts it all at my fingertips.
Of course, I got gifts for my twin as well. Aside from his ASTOUNDING gift of a bound copy of Treole Horka! (which I may publish soon…we‘ll see.) I also got to watch Freakazoid which was my birthday gift to him. It’ll be off to California soon with him. So, I had to watch it while he was with me. Having grown up watching it, I figured he would appreciate it.
Speaking of growing up, my twin and I recovered some 2nd grade stories we’d written. Although our grammar has much improved (and basic language command.) we were surprised at how similar our stories were in tone to what we write today. I was surprised what a good young author I was. I wrote about heroes and imitated TV and videogames; even attempting to add what we later deciphered as infomercials into my journal entries! (“Only $0% you pay!”; I didn‘t understand money back then.) Shades of the young mythologist/media critic I was to become.
It is appropriate then, that on our birthday, we in a sense rediscovered ourselves. The old saying is true: There’s nothing new under the sun. “There are no unknowns. Only things temporarily hidden.” As Captain Kirk says. New worlds of media are waiting to be explored. In the solitude of that house, I have more time to myself, and a supporting family.
By far, nothing pleases me more than this self-discovery. That my life has been one between worlds able-bodied and disabled, and of critiquing (and enjoying) different media. First, it was an electric typewriter for me, where I wrote things. Then, laptop. Is this the age of the iPad for me? No longer tethered physically to the computer, I might carry the iPad and go places. And of course, watch Dr. Who, Star Trek, and read books!
Birthdays for me always symbolize a sense of rebirth…if I may be a mythologist again. But, this time as the iPad opens up new territory for me, I feel it quite stronger than ever before. I am always grateful to see my brothers who always have new things to talk about, and are a welcoming warm sight. ( Also, on my iBooks I downloaded an ethnographic study on families raising children with disabilities; should be fun. Home is the beginning of any cultural analysis, I think. Cultural patterns are set there first.)
In conclusion, I have a lot to write about. Expect a lot more posts. We’ll begin the thematic of dystopia not with T2: Judgment Day, but with my own comedy novella…
TH!: Treole Horka!. and maybe later I’ll discuss disability and media as always. I have a lot of new “ammo“, so to speak! Hope you all have had a good Turkey Day; but stay tuned for Armageddon on Through Alien Eyes!
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