Orion Trail (2015):

Orion Trail (2015):

“Dare to travel the absurd and dangerous Orion Trail, where only the luckiest, bravest, and most stubborn captains will make it all the way to the end. Become famously incredible or incredibly dead in this single player choose-your-own-space-adventure!”

The Star Trek parody game that mixes Oregon Trail with board games, and...well, Oregon Trail mechanics. The name of the game here is funny stuff happening. You start off by selecting 4 crew members (Officers) who will influence your stats (Diplomacy, Bravado, Tactics, Science, and Attack.) From there the game takes on resource management mechanics (Crew, food, fuel, and hull.) and works like a board game.

Each space you “move” takes fuel and food. Sometimes you'll have random encounters that will add or take away skills and resources (Lost your lucky underwear -1 Bravado. Took a martial arts class +1 attack, etc.) The meat of the game however is funny encounters when you get to planets. Whether it's dealing with annoying party aliens or the villainous “Underbaker”. Each scenario gives you a choice of how to proceed, with each solution using a stat.

For example, if you're dealing with the Underbaker, the attack solution is to blast him. The dialogue solution is to get him to cut a deal with you, the tactical solution is to get him talking, and disable his bakery, and the bravado solution is to steal his chef hat. Each one of these then turns into a probability out of 10. So, if you have 6 bravado, or whatever, 6 squares will be ok, 2 will be failure 1 will be complete failure and another will be complete success. Of course, the higher your stats, the more chances you have for success.

So, the game is all resource management and probability with comedy mixed in. Some of the events parody Star Trek directly like evil clone planets, and some parody other elements like Rogue AI, or a planet full of Michael Jackson Thriller zombies. Willy Wonka's factory and giant space malls are also part of it. Just make sure not to get lost in the giant space mall.

The goal of the game is to reach the space station at the end, where you receive your title based on how many successes or failures you had, and what stats you most used. For example, mostly successes will earn you the adjective “Admirable ____” So, if you used bravado, you'd be “Admirable Rule-Breaker”. Or “Unfortunate Scientist” if you used mostly science and got failures.

There are 6 missions (boards) to use, each one harder and longer than the next. I mostly like this game, since the emphasis is on probability and funny stuff rather than skill. I can always have a good time, even if my resources run out and we all die, at least it'll be funny. The same stuff kind of happens on every board, you get used to it after a while. But, there's enough random elements to keep me coming back. Check it out!

Stupid Zombies (2013):

Stupid Zombies (2013):

“A man, a shotgun and a bunch of zombies. You're humanity's last hope, and it's your job to keep them in line. Adjust your shots and angles, and watch your bullets bounce from wall to wall, elegantly cutting off the arms and limbs of each zombie.”

Stupid Zombies is one of those time-waster puzzle games where you clear each stage by aiming and shooting until all the enemies are gone. Each puzzle gets harder as you progress. It's like Angry Birds, but with zombies and monsters. The main character is stationery, and you take out all the enemies as best you can.

You have different ammo, different obstacles, and different monsters as you continue. For example, one level you might have bomb ammo, bouncing ammo, or there might be boxes or glass in the way of the monsters. Some levels have traps you can activate like exploding barrels or crates that can eliminate zombies. But, no good Angry Birds-clone is complete without microtransactions (a.k.a. pay-to-win.) and star rankings.

Each Stage has 360 levels. You can unlock 4 stages. You unlock stages by getting a certain score (Up to 3 stars each.) on each level depending on how good you did. Each has their own unique settings and traps, but are essentially difficulty settings. So, Stage 1 is relatively Easy, Stage 2 is Normal, Stage 3 is Hard, and Stage 4 is Expert.

You can, of course, just pay for airstrikes that automatically clear a level. A pay-to-clear attack is a grand tradition of Free-To-Play Angry Birds clones. But, I'm not doing that. I like my Free-To-Play games to actually be free. So, in conclusion, it's Angry Birds with zombies. It won't win awards, but it's a fun, mostly free way to waste time. Check it out!

Vicious Lips (1986):

Vicious Lips (1986):

“Sometime in the distant future, a fledgling band gets an opportunity for a breakthrough, if they can make it in time to a faraway planet to perform in a very popular club.”

So, Judy Jetson gets selected to replace a famous rockstar girl, Ace Lucas. She joins the band The Vicious Lips on their way to a big gig at The Radioactive Dream. Really, the whole movie plays like just an 80s music video, or rock opera. They keep setting it up like it'll be more, but it never really is.

They crash on a desert planet. Then, it turns out that there's an escaped ape-like alien on the spaceship. They keep acting like he should be scary and creepy, but then she smokes some “Martian herb”, and ends up on a planet called Passion Inc. where zombies chase her, and ask her if she wants to be a star.

Then, she wakes up, and it's all been a dream. Literally, one of the most cliched endings. The entire second act doesn't matter. They sing their ending number “Lunar Madness” and then roll credits. I feel like I have to go easy on this movie, since it is just a rock opera. They tease a bigger plot, but it's like Thriller. It's a vehicle for music videos.

Some of the sci-fi costumes, and songs are cool. If that's what you want, give it a watch. If you expect a full movie, you'll be disappointed. It's basically some music videos with dramatic interludes. As for me, I was disappointed. I say skip it. You're better off not knowing the 84 minute movie you watched was just a dream. Spoilers. Oh well.

Trancers II: The Return of Jack Deth (1991):

Trancers II: The Return of Jack Deth (1991):

“6 years after a time cop returns home from battling future alien zombies, his settled life is turned upside down when a mad scientists creates more.”

Dr. Wardo is creating more “trancers”. (Psychically-controlled alien drug zombies.) Trancers is basically Blade Runner with zombie movie twist. Jack Deth returns to the 20th century investigating why trancers still exist after his first mission. (See here.) He discovers that his wife is alive, but she'll die when they go back to the 23rd century.

Meanwhile, he's living in the 1990s as a married man already, to make things more complicated. They explain again that some technology from the 23rd century allows for stuff to be time-travelled through as long as you've got ancestors “down the line”. In his case, Jack Deth befriended an old drunk baseball player, his ancestor, Hap Ashby. Deth's former police chief inhabits the body of a 15-year-old girl.

They find out that Dr. Wardo is brainwashing mental patients, and addicting them to a futuristic drug, SKROB78. Wardo is building a “trancer farm” just like Whistler, from the first mission. He does it with the help of the Green World cult, and hypnosis. All the while, Jack must save the people, take out Wardo, and possibly his own future wife. There's a good mix of comedy, horror, and action here for a B-Movie. I say check it out!

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies (2014):

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies (2014):

"Famous Wrestlers are pitted against hordes of undead when they unknowingly walk into a death trap."

Pretty good. Roddy Piper, Kurt Angle, and others vs. an undead army. Gotta love Piper sleeperholding a zombie, and beating them with a toaster. Piper truly is one of the greats. He gives 100% in every movie he's in. Low-budget, but great fun.

Trancers (1984 -)

Trancers (1984):

"A trooper (Tim Thomerson) leaves 2247 Angel City for 1985 Los Angeles to stop a zombie mystic (Michael Stefani) out to change history."

A good cheesy sci-fi series that's something like Blade Runner meets Quantum Leap. Pure B-Movie fun as Jack Deth tries to adapt to the 80s, and solve his case. Won't stop using weird slang. Part of the comedy is the modern people being oblivious to zombies a.k.a. "squids". Each movie has diminishing returns however.

Trancers 1-3 are good. The rest just feel like standard sword-and-shield fantasy, like someone mixed up two scripts. Pretty weird sci-fi concepts executed as action-comedy. These are all available on Tubi. Take a look!

iPad Accessibility Game Review: UNDEAD SLAYER

IPAD ACCESSIBILITY GAME REVIEW: UNDEAD SLAYER

Undead Slayer is an iPad hack n’slash game with an Ancient Chinese/anime style. This means lots of blood, too. After a while the zombies start coming in mobs and you have to take down armies! More than most iPad games, I found that with Undead Slayer I had a really difficult time distinguishing between taps and hold-and-tap techniques. This is super important because hold is to charge up your weapon…I only got a samurai sword, but you can buy more in-game. With the zombies coming in mobs and following your tracks, one little accidental second charging instead of attacking and your brains are zombie breakfast.

    Usually though, the charge attacks and special techniques are good at clear the screen. You’ve just gotta charge with no zombies around. Early on, you can buy a fireball ability with an area effect which is nice. Just make sure it’s charged before you meet a wave of zombies. With the tapping being so rapid, and the movement being so fickle (tap your destination, but if a zombie’s in the way, in turns into attack.) it’s a very intense game. I would say that alone would make it inaccessible to some. But, I love the intensity; what I hate is the tap sensitivity, which often had me charging my sword with a mound of zombies on my heels, so I’d run into a corner turn around and unleash the charge…and it still wouldn’t do the trick by then!
 
If you die, you can come back with all your stuff if you spent jade, which are thankfully collected in-game and not exclusively through in-app purchases. If you don’t have jade, you lose your equipment and skills. Overall, it’s a challenging game. It’s not particularly accessible if you don’t like getting mobbed or having to tap really fast. Like I said, this is a problem in this game specifically because of it’s tendency to mix-up commands. I’m afraid I only like it for the anime art style and action! I’m biased. But, there’s really not much in the ways of accessibility unless you count the screen-clearing charged attacks! And there’s lots of zombies and blood…so there’s that!

I thought it was fun, but it’s definitely got it’s own niche. It can be frustrating. Just remember to charge your attacks really, and you’ll do all right. Take on smaller mobs by regular attacks. If all else fails, run and use a charged attack. It can take time, but it can also be well worth it. The game itself, in terms of physical accessibility, is kind of at war with it’s own control system. But, on a slightly morbid upside, it also means when you die, you die quickly, and can re-enter the game without wasting time, if you have jade. You see, I really want to recommend this game, but if you’re not into over-the-top anime zombie hunting action, then why even download the game, right? Happy zombie hunting!

FINAL GRADE: E

ACCESSIBILITY GRADE: B+ (Visually, it is pretty simple, except for some complex shop and skill menus.)

FORGIVENESS FACTOR: D (No jade? Lose everything.)

TOUCHSCREEN CONTROL: F (Charge, run, and attack easily get mixed up, and you must move quickly before you get eaten by zombie mobs!)

SCREEN GETS CLUTTERED VERY EASILY

                                           HERE'S WHAT IT NORMALLY LOOKS LIKE.
                                                      (EXCEPT I DIDN'T PLAY A GIRL.)
                                     

                                            VARIOUS SHOPS LET YOU IMPROVE STATS!