Orion Trail (2015):

Orion Trail (2015):

“Dare to travel the absurd and dangerous Orion Trail, where only the luckiest, bravest, and most stubborn captains will make it all the way to the end. Become famously incredible or incredibly dead in this single player choose-your-own-space-adventure!”

The Star Trek parody game that mixes Oregon Trail with board games, and...well, Oregon Trail mechanics. The name of the game here is funny stuff happening. You start off by selecting 4 crew members (Officers) who will influence your stats (Diplomacy, Bravado, Tactics, Science, and Attack.) From there the game takes on resource management mechanics (Crew, food, fuel, and hull.) and works like a board game.

Each space you “move” takes fuel and food. Sometimes you'll have random encounters that will add or take away skills and resources (Lost your lucky underwear -1 Bravado. Took a martial arts class +1 attack, etc.) The meat of the game however is funny encounters when you get to planets. Whether it's dealing with annoying party aliens or the villainous “Underbaker”. Each scenario gives you a choice of how to proceed, with each solution using a stat.

For example, if you're dealing with the Underbaker, the attack solution is to blast him. The dialogue solution is to get him to cut a deal with you, the tactical solution is to get him talking, and disable his bakery, and the bravado solution is to steal his chef hat. Each one of these then turns into a probability out of 10. So, if you have 6 bravado, or whatever, 6 squares will be ok, 2 will be failure 1 will be complete failure and another will be complete success. Of course, the higher your stats, the more chances you have for success.

So, the game is all resource management and probability with comedy mixed in. Some of the events parody Star Trek directly like evil clone planets, and some parody other elements like Rogue AI, or a planet full of Michael Jackson Thriller zombies. Willy Wonka's factory and giant space malls are also part of it. Just make sure not to get lost in the giant space mall.

The goal of the game is to reach the space station at the end, where you receive your title based on how many successes or failures you had, and what stats you most used. For example, mostly successes will earn you the adjective “Admirable ____” So, if you used bravado, you'd be “Admirable Rule-Breaker”. Or “Unfortunate Scientist” if you used mostly science and got failures.

There are 6 missions (boards) to use, each one harder and longer than the next. I mostly like this game, since the emphasis is on probability and funny stuff rather than skill. I can always have a good time, even if my resources run out and we all die, at least it'll be funny. The same stuff kind of happens on every board, you get used to it after a while. But, there's enough random elements to keep me coming back. Check it out!

Cards and Castles 2 (2023):

Cards and Castles 2 (2023):

“Collectible cards spring to life in this wacky Tactical CCG. Assemble a deck to challenge your friends and rivals, and engage in glorious CARD BATTLES! Will you choose fearsome dragons, or the deadly squirrels?”

This game is a collectible card game (CCG) that is all about using a cutesy and funny art-style for a war-based card game. It reminds me a little bit of Card Wars from Adventure Time. There are 6 factions. Vikings, Ninjas, Undead, Bestial, Thieves and Heroes. The Vikings can summon berserkers, land sharks, and war penguins, among others. The forces of Nature (Bestial) can summon Archers, Trees, and battle squirrels. It's all about being silly and weird.

But, the game isn't without strategy. I still haven't really built a good deck up yet. Sometimes you can build buildings that give cards more health or attack. Or if you're the Ninja or Thieves faction, you can set traps so that when your castle is attacked, it hurts the other player. The object of of the game is to destroy the other player's castle.

As with most of these deck-building games, there comes a point where it just comes down to luck of the draw and how powerful your cards are, but that's how they draw you in. You might be doing good one minute and then someone draws a card that destroys everything in your deck. That's just how these games go. A cutesy art-style can only mask so much grinding.

I'm not a fan of huge grinds in games, so I usually just stick with the Vikings so far, unless I'm completing a mission that calls for another faction. They can use Dwarven weapons and armor, and have good heroes, like some guy named Björn. Plus, they're the first faction you start with, so it's easier for me just to start there and build outward.

Look, I wish I could say I liked the game more, I'm not against the “Git Gud” philosophy, but there's too much grinding for my tastes. Single-Player Quests are ok, even a bit challenging. After a while, you're either too overpowered for Single-Player, or too under-powered for multiplayer. But, as I said, I still haven't really built up a good deck. I can't really recommend it, but if you don't mind the grind, check it out.

Delicious In Dungeon (2024):

Delicious In Dungeon (2024):

“Can sisters be reincarnated from dragon poop? Laios and his friends Marcille and Chilchuck delve into an endless dungeon in search of his fallen sister, fighting monsters, starvation, and corruption.”

Delicious in Dungeon is a kawaii (cute.) little fantasy/cooking anime about a party of adventurers trying to save their friend from the belly of a dragon while also learning about how to cook monsters. First, there's Laios, the fighter. Then, Marcille, the Elvish wizard girl, and then Chilchuck, the pick-lock. Along the way, they meet a master chef dwarf named Senshi who helps them cook and eat monsters.

Each episode is about what monster they cook and how. First, it's walking mushrooms and scorpions, then man-eating plants, then basilisk, among others. (A basilisk is like a chicken-dragon thing.) Then, they discover they can make BBQ from the oil in some of the fire traps in the dungeon. Yes, they are pretend monsters, but the food still looks good, and it's pretty funny.

A lot of the comedy comes from seeing the characters interact. Marcille is really funny, because she is a picky eater, and wants to use magic to solve everything. She's kind of a take-off on the haughty elf trope. She's always freaking out. She's usually the first to say whatever the dwarf has in mind to cook is disgusting.

The leader of the party is Laios. He's a little weird. He wants to eat everything. He's oddly fixated on monsters, and eating monsters. He's even figured out how to eat living armor by cracking it open like lobster and cooking the creatures inside. Senshi helped. This means he's Senshi's best friend.

Senshi is the dwarf/master chef. He's there to cook all the monsters, and teach real cooking techniques. For example, drying out giant slimes before you eat them to make jelly, or taking the tails and venom from giant scorpions to make a nice hotpot. His dream is to cook a Red Dragon.

Chilchuck is a rogue character. He specializes in picking locks and disarming traps. He's a consummate professional. He doesn't know a lot about cooking, but step aside and let him do his job when you need traps disarmed or locks picked. Not a picky eater, but argues with Senshi if he gets in the way of his job.

Overall, it's a nice and funny anime with good-looking food. It may be fantasy, but it'll still make you hungry. The obsessive characters like Laios are basically there to remind you it's a little weird, but it is comical. It's fun to see what they'll cook up next and how. Can't wait 'til they cook that Red Dragon and save their companion! Give it a watch on Netflix!

Leave Mr. Bear Alone (2023):

Leave Mr. Bear Alone (2023):

“A Visual Novel about a bear that kinda just wants to be left alone.”

Leave Mr. Bear Alone is a funny visual novel designed by one guy. It's a short one. Reportedly, it's 500 words. The only way to win is to leave Mr. Bear alone. But, the catch is to read more of the story, you have to follow Mr. Bear. So, he gets more and more annoyed, until you lose.

You see, whenever you choose not to follow Mr. Bear, you win. But, the story ends. It'd probably be a good party game or prank game. It takes about 20 minutes. You can follow Mr. Bear through the lake, to his house, or throw a party in the woods for Mr. Bear...but he really wants you to leave him alone.

Give it a try. It's not too long. But, you're gonna lose a lot. Mr. Bear really wants to be alone. Don't follow him. He's gonna be mad. This is pretty funny. Mr. Bear will say things like “Oh, you just COULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE!” Make a party game of it, and see who can follow the longest. At least it's funny.

Street Fighter: The Movie (1994):

Street Fighter: The Movie (1994):

If you know me, you know I love Street Fighter. I'm not here to talk about what makes the movie bad. There are plenty of articles on that. Plus, it still gave us Kylie Minogue as Cammy. Belgian action hero Jean-Claude Van Damme as the All-American Captain Guile at least works as a comedy. No, I'm going to be nice to the movie, (Merry Christmas!) and talk about the one thing that works about it: Raul Julia as M. Bison.

For a man dying of cancer at he was filming, it's amazing to me how he plays this role with such megalomania and exuberance. He gave us such classic lines such as: “For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But, for me, it was Tuesday.” (To Chun Li.) He even says he'll replace God and has grand delusions of world domination through a mutant army, in an underground base. It's impossible not to be sucked in by this villainous dictator's charm and melodramatic proclamations.

I feel like he was the one actor who understood that the movie is a comedy. It's an action-comedy, of course. But, ultimately, at the time, videogame movies were still thought of as for kids. And that's who Raul Julia was doing it for! (Specifically, his kids.) So, even though Guile has weird lines, and almost nothing else about the movie works, we still have Raul Julia playing Bison as a madman fully aware that he's in a videogame! That alone should bring anyone joy. Give it a watch as a comedy, and see if it makes you smile!

So what's your favorite M. Bison line? I think mine is the "it was Tuesday." line. That was just great. But, he has such gravitas, every line is great. Let me know your favorite Street Fighter line in the comments. It's not a good movie, but it's not bad as a comedy. Merry Christmas, everyone.

I, Tonya (2017):

I, Tonya (2017):

“Competitive ice skater Tonya Harding rises amongst the ranks at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships, but her future in the activity is thrown into doubt when her ex-husband intervenes.”

Well, I learned a lot watching this movie. I was very young when Tonya Harding's trial was going on, and I don't remember too much of it. I remember it as she herself who attacked Nancy Kerrigan in 1994. Turns out, it was her abusive husband's friend of a friend who was pretending to be a top counterterrorism expert. What a wild and intriguing story.

Margot Robbie plays Tonya Harding, from her training with her controlling mother at age 4, to right up until she's BANNED for life from skating after “the incident”. She allegedly just meant to scare her competition off. But, her ex hires a wannabe hitman to break her leg. Tonya goes back to being a waitress. Later, she's approached by an agent who wants to recruit her for Team USA in 1994. Then, she gets in after Kerrigan is taken out, and then the court case begins.

To ensure that she wins, her then ex hires a wannabe CIA goon to take out Nancy Kerrigan, her competition in Team USA. It's a wild story. Like I said, I always thought she did it herself until I saw this movie. I had no idea how many people were allegedly pushing her, (even her mom.) and how forced she was into figure-skating. I think she should've just been a hockey player. That's just me. She had the talent and anger issues.

Ultimately, it's a story of narcissism and abuse. Everyone abuses everyone. Everyone acts tough and has insecurity. I liked how it showed what happened, and how it showed Tonya Harding as a human. She's vulnerable. Even though her boyfriend at one point calls figure-skating her “superpower”, she's not a superhero, or a monster. She's a human. This is the best biopic I've seen in a while. If you have time, give it a watch!

The Rocker (2008):

The Rocker (2008):

“In the 1980s, a drummer is abandoned by his band just before they become rock superstars. Twenty years later, the drummer sees his second chance at stardom arise when he is asked to perform with his teenage nephew's high school rock band.”

Rainn Wilson plays a washed-up rocker who teaches some emo high school kids how to rock. He's kicked out of his band Vesuvius in the past. When they make it big, he gets bitter and resigns himself to an office job. A new success by his old band triggers his bitterness again. But, then he plays with his nephew's high school band at prom, and wants to drum again.

Afterwards, they get noticed on YouTube. But, it's because people are laughing at them. He doesn't care though. It's enough to get them noticed. And then, they start playing big shows again. Gradually, the band's success goes to their heads. The lead singer Curtis kicks out Fish. (Rainn Wilson.)

Meanwhile, Curtis realizes he made a mistake. Even though he was a crazy drummer who changed their looks and lyrics, they see the new drummer as a wet blanket. They invite Fish back and play in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. Warming up for his old band.

Fish's old band all became sellouts and speak in faux British accents. The rest of the movie is basically him confronting his old fear of his successful bandmates. It feels like it starts to repeat a little. I recognize their was a period where every 00s teen movie tried to be an 80s movie. It feels a little weird that all that needed to happen was for an emo band to change it's look and sound entirely to hit it big. I know it's about standing up to The Man, but you're better off watching School of Rock for that.

All the movie needed to do was have the kids learn who they really are. But, then it repeats itself for their mentor. The first three acts are ok, even if a little cliché. But, that last act with Rainn Wilson suddenly losing his edge just falls flat. Overall, you can skip this one. Watch School of Rock.

La La Land (2016):

La La Land (2016):

“While navigating their careers in Los Angeles, a pianist and an actress fall in love while attempting to reconcile their aspirations for the future.”

So, La La Land is a musical about two artists wanting to pursue their dreams. Mia is an actress and script writer working on a play and TV treatment. Sebastian is a jazz musician who dreams of opening his own club, and playing free jazz. Instead, they are met with an uncaring L.A. They're stuck in side gigs they don't want. But, in spite of this, the two connect by holding onto their dreams.

When Seb and Mia first meet, they are rude to each other, and resent each other. Each is embarrassed by their ambition, feeling that maybe their time is up. But, when they share their passions with each other, the world becomes full of color and music, and excitement. For example, there's no dialogue in the planetarium scene. The music is telling you how the characters feel.

Seb and Mia eventually decide to meet somewhere in-between. They pursue their dreams even though it might drive them apart. Seb can't stay where he is and be a jazz musician. Mia has to stay in L.A. with her boring business fiancee Greg if she wants to be an actress. In one scene, we see how life might have played out had the characters had a life together in their heads. When you see Greg at the piano in the jazz club (having switched places in their heads with Seb and Mia.), you realize how silly it all would've been.

But, at least the characters got to live their romance together for a little while. La La Land is a movie about dreams, romance, and music. So, the music shows you that world, and those feelings. It's all set against the backdrop of Mia working at a coffee shop or Seb half-heartedly playing Jingle Bells on a piano at a Christmas party. If you have time to experience it, give it a watch on Hulu.

The Bronze (2015):

The Bronze (2015):

“A foul-mouthed former gymnastics bronze medalist with local celebrity status reluctantly trains a rising Olympics aspirant.”

Melissa Rauch plays a fictional foul-mouthed Olympic bronze medalist (Hope Ann Greggory.) with a heart of...well, bronze. I mean, I guess she turns out to kind of care about other people. She's still selfish, entitled, and jealous. She expects people in small-town Ohio to give her free food, and gifts. She doesn't really respect her dad, and lives off his money after her injury.

So, she receives a letter from her dead coach, asking her to train her new rival for another Games. Well, she tries to train her wrong, as a joke, but then discovers 1.) she won't get her coach's money if her trainee doesn't qualify, and 2.) another rival coach is there, ready to tell on her and break the deal. This mostly results in her trying to undo the damage she's already done, giving her good gymnastic advice, and putting her on a better diet...but, not without insults.

The most interesting character is Ben (Thomas Middleditch), the gym owner's son, who suffers from facial ticks. Hope mockingly calls him Twitchy. Ben later confesses that he admires Hope for her athleticism. It spurs her to go on a date with him, and shape up a bit. She becomes a little nicer when someone appreciates her as she is...injury and all.

Look, it's not going to win any awards or anything...but I enjoyed it. Especially as a look into what motivates people to be better. She doesn't change who she is, just becomes a little less bitter. Watch it with some snacks, don't take it too seriously, and this sweet-and-sour comedy will be a treat!