The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023):

I saw the “Mario movie”. It was ok. I mean, I knew it was gonna just remind me of a giant easter egg hunt. But like, parts of the videogame "world" are just other Nintendo games, and Bowser is invading on a flying island. It reminded me of Ready Player One, but funny. But I understand why DK fans didn't like it, because the Kongs are jerks.

It's not that the Kongs don't matter though. It's really about Mario learning to be brave and discovering he's the hero, and yadda yadda. Standard kid's movie stuff. Princess is already brave, because girlboss feminism, but gets captured by Bowser anyway. Ultimately, I feel the same way about it as I do Ready Player One. It's cool, but afterwards there's a feeling of "Did I enjoy this, or was it all just dopamine from bright colors and references?"

Any favorite parts or memorable lines? Well, Bowser tries to hit on Peach, and keeps screwing up. That's pretty funny."I guess love can really make a turtle come out of his shell." One time, Mario says they don't drive on rainbows back in Brooklyn. Really, Jack Black is the part I liked best. I was really pleased with how much they leaned into the 1980s Super Mario Bros Super Show...the Brooklyn origins, the "real-world" commercial uses the Super Show Theme, and they get sucked down a pipe, just like in the show's old rap intro. Sadly, he doesn't “Do The Mario”.

I hear Nintendo wants to make this a Movie Universe. Like the Marvel movies. Which is fine. Anything successful these days becomes a Movie Universe, almost like a law. But, I think I'll need some time before I care about the next Nintendo movie. I'm just kind of dizzy from this one. Fun, but like a sugar rush. That said, I still kind of recommend it. It's a fun little ride. Give it a watch. Hunt down all the little easter eggs. Or just skip it, and go play Mario games.

JUMANJI: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE (2017):

JUMANJI: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE (2017):

“Four teenagers are sucked into a magical videogame, and the only way they can escape is to work together to finish the game.”

I'd like this movie a heck of a lot more if it stopped winking at me to tell me what videogames are. I get that there might be people in the audience who don't understand, but every action beat is interrupted by explaining what skills are, what characters have what skills, what lives are, etc. It's like playing Super Mario Bros and every time before you jump, you have to ask: “Wait...I can jump that high?” Well, no. But, your character can. We understand this.

That said, the actors do a great job with what they're given. Four high school students bodyswapped into highly charismatic videogame characters is a good comedy-action setup. Unfortunately, most the humor is based around them forgetting their special skills and abilities as characters. Conversely, most the action is based on them remembering their in-game skills and abilities.

I guess it worked in the original Jumanji (1995) because board games all have different rules, and you had to read what happens on every square. Videogames have established conventions. Which are explained here. (They have to return a jewel to a jaguar mountain, and say “Jumanji!”) But, every time the videogame characters explain something like who has what skills and weaknesses/strengths, it's like the actors are saying: “Hey! We're acting!”

Now, that said, this film is loaded with star power. That alone is half of what makes it fun to watch. I'll watch anything with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in it. It's just a shame that most the action boils down to “I can't do this, I'm an awkward teen! Oh, wait. Yes, I can! I'm in a videogame.” I mean, Jack Black and Kevin Hart are funny as popular teens turned into support characters, but that's just the reverse joke.

So, do I recommend watching it? No. It's a fun movie, but all the action beats and jokes are one-note. It's a movie that, in my opinion, thrives on star power. The movie's videogame design robs any action scene of tension, since we know they've got 3 lives and special skills for any confrontation. The comedy is so ham-fisted, if they cast anyone else in it, I wouldn't watch. But, because they did get Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Dwayne Johnson, and Karen Gillan, it suddenly becomes slightly enjoyable. That's a testament to their abilities and star power more than the movie itself.