Pirates! Gold (1993 Sega Genesis):

Pirates! Gold (1993 Sega Genesis):

“The player can play as a pirate, privateer, or a pirate hunter. It features sword fighting, ocean-faring battles, and land battles as its three main arenas of action, connected by role-playing which allows the player to court the favor of local politicos, romance women, and recruit pirates in the local pub.”

-Wikipedia

Pirates! Gold is an amazing game. It's a pirate sim, complete with different ships, towns, treasures, quests, and abilities as you sail the Spanish Main in the 17th century. First you choose your “captain”. This is the player. You can choose what ability you have, you can change your name, (Sidney is the default name.) and your nationality: English, Dutch, Spanish, or French.

Your abilities are fencing, charm, gunnery, or navigation. You only choose one. Fencing makes your sword strength better. Charm lets you get married more easily. Gunnery makes your cannons more effective. Navigation can help you weather storms and not crash on reefs. (And that happens a lot.)

Well, once you've started, you can sail around and attack ships or towns, capturing and plundering, or you can hunt for treasure. You can gain letters of marque to fight on behalf of any of the 4 European nations. So, when you capture enemy ships or towns, you can do so in the name of England, or whoever. This is usually the way I play. It's just too fun.

But, you have to keep your crew happy and well-fed or else they can desert and mutiny. Things that make them happy are like successful attacks or appropriate ship size vs. crew size. (You can capture a large variety of ships, including Galleons, Frigates, Sloops, or Merchant Ships, among others.) Of course, finding treasure makes them happy. You can buy treasure maps at local taverns throughout the Caribbean, sometimes.

Press “C” in sailing mode to check out all your maps, and figure out wherever the heck you are in the Spanish Main. You can also pinpoint places on the Spanish Main map. Often, you'll run into other ships you can choose to engage in combat or sail away. Once in sea combat, you can try to sink enemy ships or capture them. You can also fence the enemy captain by crashing your ship into theirs and boarding.

Other than attacking towns and sinking or capturing ships, you can complete quests too. These include capturing another pirate, getting married, finding lost cities, robbing treasure fleets, finding treasure, or finding each one of the members of your captain's long-lost family. Completing each one of these effects your score at the end when you divide up all your gold. Every game is different.

Some endings are more spectacular than others. If you have a lot of gold, and complete a lot of missions, you can ultimately become a pirate governor or King's Advisor if you do really good. Others include Rich Banker, Rogue, Fleet Admiral or even Beggar or Pauper, if you do really bad. Since I don't do a lot of missions, I usually end up more on the bad side. But, it's more fun to me just to sail around and attack things, rather than figure out where such-and-such lost city is from unmarked maps.

My usually bad final scores aside, Pirates! Gold is an still an amazing game. It looks and sounds great. Frankly, I'm surprised it runs on a Genesis cartridge. If you have access to a virtual Sega Genesis (or Sega Megadrive as the Genesis is known in Europe.), or even a physical cartridge, give it a try today. You won't regret it! I can play this game all day still.

Drifting Home (2022):

Drifting Home (2022):

“Follows two childhood friends who drift into a mysterious sea with an entire housing complex.”

Childhood friends check out an old apartment building they grew up in before it's scheduled to be demolished. They soon end up in a magical sea along with the demolished house, drifting on it like a boat with the rest of their sixth grade friends. The two main characters are Kosuke and Natsume, who grew up together with Kosuke's grandpa in the old apartment.

We soon discover there's a stowaway in the floating apartment, Noppo who everyone thought was Natsume's imaginary friend. Yuzuru, a girl, is scared of Noppo and thinks he's a ghost at first. He says they've been friends for a long time. There's more truth to this than meets the eye.

It's not all just about the friends, but also returning home, and the drama between Natsume and Kosuke. Natsume blames himself for his grandpa's death, and so refuses to accept the parting gift from his grandpa, a camera. Meanwhile, it's revealed that Natsume had an abusive childhood, so she had to move into the apartment.

They raid other drifting apartments for snacks, food, and fresh clothes. Eventually, Natsume cuts her knee getting into a vending machine and they have to make get bandages from a floating drugstore. They also collide with an old floating carnival, where Yuzuru first developed her love of theme parks.

Kosuke accepts the camera and starts taking pictures of all the old buildings. Here's where it gets really magical. As it turns out, Kosuke spots “things” growing out of Noppo's arm. Plants! Noppo reveals that he's the ghost of the old apartment, and the magical sea is a graveyard for old buildings. If he doesn't join them, they can never return home.

I enjoyed this movie. It's a magical meditation on memories and the cycle of pain and joy, death and rebirth. (Samsara.) Once they let go of their grief, they experience joy, and return home magically. Kosuke takes pictures. Noppo can finally return home. If you have a chance watch it. It's a great anime drama on Netflix!

Slay The Spire (2019)

Slay The Spire (2019):

"It's a combination of roguelike-like gameplay with a deck-building card game. It requires players to develop a strategy for their deck on the fly based on the cards they can obtain from loot.”

Slay The Spire is basically a Souls-Like game with cards. You begin the game by selecting a class. Your class determines what skills and abilities (Cards) you have. There's The Ironclad. He's your Tank character with heavy attacks. There's The Silent. He's your Rogue (DPS: Damage-per-Second.) guy with quick attacks and good abilities. There's The Defect, your “Mage-Type”, with weak attack but heavy on spells and abilities.

The one class I haven't gotten yet is The Watcher. But, I assume it's a support-type character. The Monsters you face are fierce, and can do lot of damage usually, just like a Souls-Like. You'll need to balance your block and attack cards each turn. If you don't block, you're dead. If you can't attack, you're dead.

Some monsters can attack and exhaust your cards or steal your cards. Some mini-bosses have special abilities like reflecting attacks back at you or just dealing truckloads of damage. But, fear not. each level of the Spire is like a board, and each defeated monster drops loot. Not every space on the board is a monster encounter. You can have mystery encounter spaces, where something happens whether it's meeting a demon who curses you, but gives you abilities, or a gambling game that can get you new cards. (Or something like that.) Each such space is usually random.

You can also buy potions, cards, and abilities from merchant spaces if you land on them. My favorite spaces though, are campfire spaces. Here, you rest and heal, or upgrade your cards, making their effects more powerful. These are usually good before boss fights or mini-bosses. You can either rest, or upgrade. You cannot do both.

Overall, it's a good game. A tough game. You die a lot. But, it makes me want to replay each time to see if I can do better. I always want to get better cards or try a different class. “Git Gud”, as the gamers say. Give it a try. Check it out on Steam.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023):

I saw the “Mario movie”. It was ok. I mean, I knew it was gonna just remind me of a giant easter egg hunt. But like, parts of the videogame "world" are just other Nintendo games, and Bowser is invading on a flying island. It reminded me of Ready Player One, but funny. But I understand why DK fans didn't like it, because the Kongs are jerks.

It's not that the Kongs don't matter though. It's really about Mario learning to be brave and discovering he's the hero, and yadda yadda. Standard kid's movie stuff. Princess is already brave, because girlboss feminism, but gets captured by Bowser anyway. Ultimately, I feel the same way about it as I do Ready Player One. It's cool, but afterwards there's a feeling of "Did I enjoy this, or was it all just dopamine from bright colors and references?"

Any favorite parts or memorable lines? Well, Bowser tries to hit on Peach, and keeps screwing up. That's pretty funny."I guess love can really make a turtle come out of his shell." One time, Mario says they don't drive on rainbows back in Brooklyn. Really, Jack Black is the part I liked best. I was really pleased with how much they leaned into the 1980s Super Mario Bros Super Show...the Brooklyn origins, the "real-world" commercial uses the Super Show Theme, and they get sucked down a pipe, just like in the show's old rap intro. Sadly, he doesn't “Do The Mario”.

I hear Nintendo wants to make this a Movie Universe. Like the Marvel movies. Which is fine. Anything successful these days becomes a Movie Universe, almost like a law. But, I think I'll need some time before I care about the next Nintendo movie. I'm just kind of dizzy from this one. Fun, but like a sugar rush. That said, I still kind of recommend it. It's a fun little ride. Give it a watch. Hunt down all the little easter eggs. Or just skip it, and go play Mario games.

Flying Phantom Ship (1969):

Flying Phantom Ship (1969):

“Hayato's peaceful life with his parents and his dog is brought to a dramatic, terrible end when a giant robot, said to be sent from a flying ghost ship, devastates the city, killing hundreds including Hayato's parents.”

It all begins with a fishing trip where Hayato's dad encounters the ghost ship captain in a haunted castle. The captain is actually there to scare his company's boss, who is in the castle, but they don't know that. So, after saving his dad's boss from the castle, a giant golem attacks Tokyo, claiming to be from the captain. Hayato's family dies in the attack, and he finds out they aren't his real parents. So, what began as a playful Scooby Doo mystery takes a hard turn into Japanese monster movie territory. Hayato tells his dog to get lost, and soon discovers that the boss (named Kuroshio.) was behind the golem attack, not the pirate captain, after he reveals his underground lair. Turns out, the attack is a ploy to promote Japanese industry and get everyone addicted to Boa Juice, Hayato's favorite soda pop.

The soda is actually produced by a sea monster Boa, who sends a giant crab monster to Tokyo and turns Kuroshio into soda for failing to disguise the attack. Meanwhile, Hayato joins the ghost ship captain, who is actually a defender of Japan. His ship is actually a robot ship, equipped with lasers and forcefields.

On the ship, Hayato vows to defeat Boa, and give up his favorite soda to defend the people. The pirate captain takes off his skull mask, and reveals himself as Hayato's real father. We're introduced to Tori, his daughter (and Hayato's sister.) who motivates him to find Boa. This movie wears a lot of different hats. On one hand, it's a mystery, then a monster movie, then an adventure.

As it turns into an undersea adventure, we see that Boa is a giant squid. His body is invulnerable to torpedo and laser attacks. Tori discovers by accidentally hitting an EMP pulse button during a crash that Boa is actually a robot, and they can defeat him with electromagnetism. The monster goes haywire, and buries itself after crashing into a cave wall. Hayato is congratulated back home by his new family, and becomes the new ghost ship captain.

So, is this all worth watching? Yes, but only because it's very short: 61 mins. It's exciting, but never really picks a tone. It's exciting, but I wish it were more focused. As it is, it's a good adventure flick. I'd say give it a watch anyway you can. It's worth it just to see all the craziness.

It wears a lot of the trends of 1960s Japan: Monster attacks, robots, environmentalist themes, family switcheroos...but it wears them all like a finely-tailored suit. Trivia: for its anti-capitalist themes this was the first ever Japanese anime shown in Russia (USSR), and the animation on the ship was done by Hayao Miyazaki.

Tron (1982):

Tron (1982):

“A computer hacker is abducted into the digital world and forced to participate in gladiatorial games where his only chance of escape is with the help of a heroic security program.”

Tron is a very interesting movie. It's about computer programmer, Kevin Flynn, who gets zapped into the computer world while programming his game, Space Paranoids. The Master Control from The Dillinger Corporation has grown tired of assimilating corporate data, and wants to add the data of people and nations to itself. So, it abducts Kevin and puts him inside the game room, which is designed like an old gladiatorial arena where deleted programs usually compete for freedom. Kevin is the first human to be zapped inside the computer.

Inside the computer is a very weird and surreal early 3D environment. The programs all wear neon outfits that are blue or red for good or evil. It almost reminds me a little of German Expressionism, in that abstract shapes and colors convey emotion inside a twisted reality. Once inside, Kevin becomes somewhat of a messiah figure. The programs look at the Users like gods. And the Master Control only wants to add to himself.

It tries to punish Kevin by making him compete in the games, but he goes off grid with his allies Tron, RAM, and Yori. Tron outruns some tanks sent after them. Because Kevin worked on the game, he can pilot some of the vehicles meant for other games too. Tron uploads this data to his disk, which all programs have, which they'll need to defeat the Master Control. They come to a pool where they can replenish their data like water after the chase, but RAM dies, or rather, “de-rezzes”.

Before he disappears, Kevin gains control of a glider called a Recognizer, which he can pilot like an arcade game with a joystick. Kevin brings Tron and Yori to an unfinished part of the game, but since he programmed it, he can get through. Meanwhile, Tron and Yori have to get through the control tower guard who resembles the User DuMont to talk to Kevin and join up with him.

They find the real DuMont being tortured by Master Control in a room full of red, tortured programs. Finally, Tron challenges the head slaver Captain Sark to the disk-throwing game, and slices his brain open. It's actually quite a grizzly scene, even in 80s CGI. Flynn challenges the Master Control and helps Tron, as a program, add all his data disk to Master Control, freeing the system. All the lights turn blue, and the programs are free.

Overall, Tron is pretty great. It's a little goofy in its use of computer terminology, but I like the strange operatic feel it all has. If programs were alive, they'd probably see us as messiahs. And I like the gladiatorial story this opens up to the viewer...even if it is a little cheesy, it does raise good points. Does Machine serve Man, or does Man serve Machine? It's high-concept sci-fi.

And in the end, the Machine (Tron and his friends.) is helping us, the Users. (Kevin Flynn.) Meanwhile, the 3D gives it a sort of mesmerizing dream-like quality, so it's never boring to watch. I'd say if you have time, give it a watch. It's free on Disney+!

The Black Cauldron (1985):

The Black Cauldron (1985):

“A young boy and a group of misfit friends embark on a quest to find a dark magic item of ultimate power before a diabolical tyrant can.”

In the land of Prydain, the fate of the world will be decided by a pig keeper! The Black Cauldron is about Taran, a young boy looking after a psychic pig. One day, Taran sees that the pig is acting strangely, and discovers that the evil horned king wants to use the fortune-telling animal to find an artifact that can summon undead warriors. Its name is the Black Cauldron.

Along the way, Taran discovers some friends: Gurgi (a Gollum-like creature who steals things.), a bard (Fflewddur), a fairy, and a princess (Eilonwy), who can use magic. He even finds a magic sword while confronted by the evil king's henchmen. Then, Gurgi bravely throws himself into the Black Cauldron to stop the emerging skeleton army. Later, as part of a bargain with witches, Taran trades the magic sword in order for Gurgi to return to life.

I enjoyed this movie a lot. I might be a bit biased because it reminded me of something like a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, and I like DnD. You've got your standard DnD party (Fighter, Healer, Magic User, Thief.) and they all are on a quest to stop an evil king. I love a good fantasy adventure. Plus, Gurgi really reminded me of Gollum, from Lord of The Rings.

So, I'd recommend this movie if you like both those things. Some neat little additions too, are the voice acting from the late greats Freddie Jones and Nigel Hawthorne! Definitely watch this one on Disney+, if you have time. It's a classic fantasy adventure!

Robin Hood (1973):

Robin Hood (1973):

“The story of the legendary British outlaw is portrayed with the characters as humanoid animals.”

Well, I never thought I'd be reviewing this classic. So, here I go! It's the tale of Robin Hood, as seen through the animal kingdom. Robin Hood is a fox, Little John's a bear, and the whole thing is told by a rooster. Prince John is a power-hungry maneless lion, bent on taxing the poor, and living a rich lifestyle.

But, Robin Hood robs from the rich and gives to the poor. We first see this when he and Little John disguise themselves as female fortune tellers, but Prince John lets them in, because: “Female bandits? What next?” Then, when the rabbit Skippy has a birthday party, Robin Hood stops by and gives him his hat and bow. Well, he gets into some trouble as he shoots an arrow in Prince John's court.

Maid Marian checks on Skippy, and from this, the haughty Prince John and Sir Hiss get the idea to lure Robin Hood out with an archery contest (But, not before getting robbed again!), and then by kidnapping Friar Tuck! Robin Hood enters the contest disguised as a giant stork, fake beak and all. Clever!

After winning the tournament and Maid Marian, Robin Hood is found out, Friar Tuck is captured by the wolf Sheriff of Nottingham, and all looks to be lost until Robin Hood and Skippy's friends organize a jailbreak. (In disguise of course, this time as the dumb vulture guard Nutsy.) He fights the Sheriff and then disposes of Prince John for the actual king, Richard The Lion-Hearted. In this version, of course, he's an actual lion. Maid Marion and Robin Hood get married, and it all makes for a good lighthearted kid's movie.

A few notes before I recommend this one. There's some reused animation that's from the Jungle Book (1967). Most notably, during the dance number. The whole thing is (Oodalalee!) after all, a musical. But, other than that, the voice acting is good (Sir Hiss the snake and Prince John sure ham it up together.), the hand-drawn animation is nice, and I found it fun to re-visit, years later. I hadn't seen it since I was a kid, and I thought it holds up. Give it a watch on Disney+!

Return to Oz (1985):

Return to Oz (1985):

“Dorothy, saved from a psychiatric experiment by a mysterious girl, is somehow called back to Oz when a vain witch and the Nome King destroy everything that makes the magical land beautiful.”

Return to Oz is some dark and crazy stuff. I almost forgot it was a Disney movie. Back on the farm, Dorothy finds a key to Oz. But, her parents still don't believe she ever went there. So, they commit her to a mental hospital, where she's going to be subjected to electroshock therapy. But, after a storm, she escapes with a friend and a chicken named Billina.

Some of the character design is really wacky and twisted. For example, everyone in Emerald City has been turned to stone, and Wheelers (humanoid punk monsters with wheels for limbs.) dominate the landscape. The Yellow Brick Road is destroyed. The whole movie has a desolate, strange, and uncanny feeling.

Characters Dorothy has as companions are Tik-tok, (a clockwork man.) Billina the chicken, Jack Pumpkinhead, and The Gump, who is a mounted deer head on a flying sofa. Mombi has taken over Oz. She can remove her head, and replace it with any head she takes, which is pretty creepy. On top of Mombi, there's another new enemy. He calls himself The Nome King.

The Nome King is made of stone and hates chickens, for reasons that aren't revealed til later. He claims all the jewels in Oz, so he turned Emerald City to stone. He also likes riddles and games. If Dorothy can pick which objects he turned her friends into, she can leave. But, of course, it isn't that easy. There's always a twist.

Overall, I liked all the weird enemies and companions. I think if I were a kid the movie would've freaked me out. But, I liked the weirdness of it all. Especially Tik-tok and The Nome King. It's rated PG, but that still kind of surprises me. If you're in the mood for a twisted fairytale, give it a watch on Disney+!

The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019):

The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019):

“Zak runs away from his care home to make his dream of becoming a wrestler come true.”

A man with Down Syndrome (Zak) escapes from a nursing home to become a professional wrestler. Now, I'm somewhat of a pro wrestling fan, and this movie deals with disabilities, so I liked it. Along the way, Zak is helped by Tyler (Shia Lebeouf) a fisherman and latchkey kid who's on the run for stealing crab pots. He helps Zak face his fear of water as they search out the wrestling school.

They find out they're not bad people at all. Tyler helps (reluctantly) come up with a wrestling name for Zak... The Peanut Butter Falcon, because of Zak's love for peanut butter. Meanwhile, Zak is still being pursued by Eleanor, his former nurse, who explains that she's just trying to do her job. The movie does a good job showing both sides of assisted living: the longing for freedom vs. security.

After they all find the wrestling school, Zak finds that his former wrestling idol, Saltwater Redneck, is a husk of his old self. But, Zak is such a big fan that he convinces him to teach wrestling one more time. He teaches him some moves, and even books him a match with Samson. (Played by Jake “The Snake” Roberts!)

It feels somewhat ambiguous whether the trip succeeds or not, as Eleanor would surely take him back to the facility as soon as he finished. But, at least Zak pursued his dream, and made his own decision. If you have time, watch it today. It's comedy with a lot of heart, and even some good wrestling cameos!

Raya And The Last Dragon (2021):

Raya And The Last Dragon (2021):

“In a realm known as Kumandra, a re-imagined Earth inhabited by an ancient civilization, a warrior named Raya is determined to find the last dragon.”

Raya re-discovers a dragon (Sisu, The Water Dragon.) when she lets a “friend” borrow and break her Guardian gem, which unleashes a great evil on the kingdoms of Kumandra. Each kingdom is named after a part of the Dragons. Tail, Spine, Heart, and Talon. She travels the apocalyptic landscape on a giant aramadillo hoping to convince the kingdoms to unite their gem pieces and face the evil smoke monsters, the Druun.

The animation is pretty good. Sword fights and chases replace the usual Disney song and dance numbers, so that's nice. But, other than that, it's a pretty forgettable, by-the-numbers Disney story set in another culture. She meets representatives from each of the tribes, and her former friend Naamari. The last person who has to learn to trust is Raya herself.

All in all, this is the epitome of a better watch with snacks. The sprawling landscapes, characters, and sword fights are good. But, I feel like it could have been better if the plot weren't built around a drawn-out Disney moral, and everything else is go to Point A and Point B. It felt like there was more to the story and characters than find the MacGuffin. But, I guess it's just not my demographic.

Young kids should like it. I appreciate that they did something different from a Disney musical. It's a pretty good fantasy adventure. I enjoyed it. But, I definitely needed snacks to keep my attention. It just felt like it could've been more, but was good for what it was. If you have time, watch it with some good snacks!

Cryptozoo (2021):

Cryptozoo (2021):

“Cryptozookeepers try to capture a Baku, a dream-eating hybrid creature of legend, and start wondering if they should display these beasts or keep them hidden and unknown.”

Well, I guess it helps to know what you're getting into before you watch a movie. I expected this movie to be bizarre, but I didn't expect it to open with two naked hippies getting viciously attacked by a unicorn with South Park-levels of gore. It's a wild movie! Free on Hulu.

From the hippies, we go to our main protagonist Lauren, a cryptid hunter. It's the 1960s, and she's globe-hopping to save mystical creatures. They save Russian storm birds, a satyr, a medusa, and a guy with a face in his chest (voiced by Michael Cera.), to build a zoo for cryptids...Cryptozoo!

One day, she discovers that the Baku (dream-eater) who helped her with nightmares as a kid, and inspired her quest to become a crypto-zoologist, is being held by the US military. So, she gathers her cryptid friends and quests to save her from them. Thus, the movie turns into a sort of mystical spy epic, with tons of gore as the animals and soldiers are both killed/or captured.

I'm not necessarily against violence in movies, I just think I wasn't prepared to watch an officer get eaten by a South American megaworm. Or goblins get shot, or a hippie to be impaled by a unicorn. The general message seems to be that nature wants animals to be free, not used as weapons or entertainment. The animation is psychedelic and 1960s-inspired, so at least it's never boring. Watch it with some snacks, and you'll have fun.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021):

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021):

“With Spider-Man's identity now revealed, Peter asks Doctor Strange for help. When a spell goes wrong, dangerous foes from other worlds start to appear, forcing Peter to discover what it truly means to be Spider-Man.”

This one will probably have spoilers. I'm sorry. After being accused of killing Mysterio, Peter Parker wants the world to forget he's Spider-Man. So, he goes to Dr. Strange. Dr. Strange uses a spell that pulls from across the multiverse. Except Peter Parker keeps wanting to change it so that certain people remember him.

Doctor Strange warns him not to do that, because the spell will affect everyone. Anyway, they fight and Spider-Man wins. But, as a consequence, he pulls in every villain across every Spider-Man movie since 2002, starting with Doctor Octopus. Their fight is pretty good, except in the end, he doesn't remember who he is. Same with Green Goblin, Sandman, Electro, and Lizardman.

Each villain is fated to die by fighting Spider-Man. But, this Peter Parker wants to prove he's not a killer, so he tries to cure them in the wizard's dungeon. He accidentally gives each villain advanced technology after attempting to cure Doc Ock. Half the fun of the movie is seeing all the cameos, and the in-universe characters trade in-universe knowledge of Spider-Man.

The film deals with themes of redemption and fate. Can villains change for good? Which, for the most part, is no. But, I won't say anymore than that. Comic book movies have to keep getting made. Overall, a good movie! Funny in parts, especially when everyone is sharing what they know and don't know. Go see it, but you don't need me to tell you that!

Honey, I Shrunk The Kids (1989):

Honey, I Shrunk The Kids (1989):

"The scientist father of a teenage girl and boy accidentally shrinks his and two other neighborhood teens to the size of insects. Now the teens must fight diminutive dangers as the father searches for them."

So, Wayne Szalinsky has a machine that can shrink objects down to ¼ of an inch tall. Unfortunately, because of a baseball hitting it, it accidentally shrinks his kids and he throws them out with the trash. He can't see them. They're in the yard now, and with their size, it's a journey of over 10 miles.

Much of the fun here is size-related. They hitch a ride on a bee, they're attacked by lawnmowers, a scorpion, and a sprinkler. The most memorable seen for me is them almost being eaten in a bowl of cereal. Meanwhile, the kids have to make do and sleep in a Lego until they can return to normal size and start worrying about normal teen stuff, like a high school dance.

If you have a chance, watch it on Disney+. It's a fun ride. Some of the green screen effects haven't aged well. But, I like it! It's a larger-than-life sci-fi journey. I'm also a fan of practical effects. So, if you are too, I recommend this one. Give it a watch.

Flight of The Navigator (1986):

Flight of The Navigator (1986):

“In 1978, a boy travels 8 years into the future and has an adventure with an intelligent, wisecracking alien ship.”

David chases his brother through the woods in 1978, and wakes up 8 years later. His house is owned by someone else. Time has passed, but he hasn't aged. The scariest thing about this movie is that none of the NASA scientists who later take the kid explain what's going on.

The scientists want to examine all the star charts that the UFO put inside his brain. Meanwhile, no one explains this. He only has like one friend inside NASA, and she can barely explain to him what a music video is. He's never seen one before. After that, the alien voice in his head beckons him back to the UFO to complete his mission.

Once inside the UFO, the Trimaxian alien explains his mission to collect data on other lifeforms in space. The kid is “the navigator”, who must pilot the ship. Along the way, they teach each other how to laugh, dance, and listen to music. David calls the Trimaxian “Max”, and as they become friends and laugh, he sounds more like Pee Wee Herman.

After their adventure together, Max returns the kid to the '70s. As a souvenir, he lets him keep a little alien from its biological zoo. It's a genuinely good movie. If I saw it as a kid, I would've freaked out. But, the freaky parts help you appreciate the fun and wonder that comes later. Check it out if you can.

Cruella (2021):

Cruella (2021):

“A live-action prequel feature film following a young Cruella de Vil.”

When your villainess is a puppy-skinning madwoman, I say lean into it. But here, she's just a fashionista/thief navigating 1970s London's gala scene. She even has dog companions. This is a pretty good movie, but as a whole it feels really messy, and takes entirely too long to get to the fancy costume battles.

It's a heist movie/comedy/prequel/reboot, but you don't really watch for the plot. You watch for the costumes: the leather outfit, the red dress, the classic Dalmatian get-up, even a garbage truck dress... All very flashy, and eye-catching. I realize they're going for a franchise though. Emma Stone alone could make it work, but just barely.

You see, in this version, it's a revenge plot against her boss who was kinda mean to her in the fashion business. Also, because her boss (The Baroness) is an evil(er?) Disney villainess, she killed her mother. But, I guess in the long run, it only matters that she was kinda mean to Estella (later Cruella.) while she was working her way up the fashion ladder to steal from her.

Acting kinda mean is just how Disney shows class issues. She's poor until she discovers the magical world of fashion. Then, she becomes Cruella, and magically outperforms her mean old boss with the help of friendship, and a boss attitude. It's just that nobody wants to watch mopey Cruella. People wanna see more of her getting justice! I can watch Emma Stone just about anytime, but I really thought the “mean boss” origin was a bit of a reach.

That said, I still do recommend the movie, because I like the 1970s style and soundtrack. I just prefer the old origin story as opposed to the new one that drags on for so long before the action. Watch it with snacks, and enjoy the fancy costumes, though. Then, it's pretty good. If you can stomach the mopey parts. I like the old evil puppy-skinning Cruella, but this one could grow on me, if they make the next movie a little more evil.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982):

CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982):

“Conan! What is best in life?”

“To crush your enemies. See them driven before you. And to hear the lamentations of their women.”

This is a classic sword and sorcery flick with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Conan's village is attacked, and then he becomes a slave, and then an arena fighter. He serves some time in armies, and then he meets a succubus who leads him to find Thulsa Doom, the snake cult leader responsible for his suffering. He finds a sword in a cave, and runs off to find him, and reclaim his kingdom.

Along the way, he meets friends like Valeria The Valkyrie, a wizard, and the archer Subotai. It's a pretty good adventure. Some of the action is pretty surreal. Conan is crucified at one point, and bites a vulture. Thulsa Doom turns into a snake. Good swordfights near the end. It even has some comedy. Like when Conan steals some robes to sneak into the snake cult, or plants his face in a bowl of mush.

Highly recommended for fantasy adventure lovers. Just keep in mind it's not PG-13. Worth a watch though to see Arnold tear through some bad guys before he was Terminator. This also means that when Conan speaks, it's usually a manly growl or an epic line! (See above quote!) Well, what are you waiting for? Go watch it however you can!

Harley Quinn and Batman (2017):

Harley Quinn and Batman (2017):

“Batman and Nightwing are forced to team with the Joker's sometimes-girlfriend Harley Quinn to stop a global threat brought about by Poison Ivy and Jason Woodrue, the Floronic Man.”

Harley Quinn and Batman team up to stop Poison Ivy. Batman's former sidekick Nightwing finds Harley working as a waitress in a cosplay-based restaurant, and figures she knows where Ivy is. Harley says she wants to just live a normal life. Eventually they tickle each other, and decide to work together.

Now, usually the DC movie universe doesn't like to make fun of itself. But, this is a Harley Quinn comedy. So, it's much more slapstick and fart jokes than the usual Batman fare. I kind of liked it. They have fun. They sing karaoke before they find out where Ivy is, thanks to a tip.

Turns out, Ivy is in Louisiana working with Floronic Man to turn all life into plants. Harley pleads with Ivy, and is able to convince her to stop. But, she can't stop Floronic Man. She tells Batman that if he's just made of plants, they should be able to just burn him. (In comically whispered dialogue.) Nightwing and Batman kiss her cheek, and that's all folks.

It's pretty good for a DC animated movie. Especially for a DC comedy. You definitely have to be in the mood for this one. I don't know. Watch it with some snacks. Be prepared for fart jokes. If you like Harley Quinn, and have a good sense of humor, you should enjoy.

Willow (1988):

WILLOW (1988):

"A young farmer is chosen to undertake a perilous journey in order to protect a special baby from an evil queen."

This 1988 fantasy adventure classic follows a dwarf (Nelwyn) who must take a human (dakini) baby into a dark castle and defeat the evil queen Bavmorda using magic. It's a great adventure story with great special effects and characters. Willow has to learn to have faith in himself to become a great sorcerer. And his companions have to learn to fight for things bigger than themselves.

It is both unusual and familiar at the same time. Familiar in that it's a 1980s Campbellian hero quest, with shades of Tolkien, Conan The Barbarian, and Star Wars. Unusual in that the way they used effects and world-building to show shapeshifting and different monsters and characters, is completely unique and mostly practical.

Yes, it is good vs. evil. Faith vs. doubt. If you're into edgy, this isn't it. Some of the monsters might be scary to kids, but that's about it. It may be a simple hero's journey, but I find fantasy like that very captivating. Plus, Val Kilmer's great. He plays Madmartigan, the warrior. A lot of people remember Val Kilmer as Batman. To me, he's Madmartigan. Anyway, a good fantasy flick with some unique twists. Check it out!

The Dark Crystal (1982):

The Dark Crystal (1982):

"On another planet in the distant past, a Gelfling embarks on a quest to find the missing shard of a magical crystal, and to restore order to his world."

Definitely worth a watch, if you like fantasy-adventure. It has a dark feeling to it, with some weird creature designs. Excellent puppet work from Jim Henson and co.! Plus, the bad guys (Skeksis) are really evil, and suck the souls out of Gelflings. Stakes that high make for a good adventure. Give it a watch!