SANTA CLAUS AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972)

SANTA CLAUS AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972)

“Santa's sleigh is stuck in the sand on a Florida beach only days before Christmas Eve. A group of children try to help.”

Tell me something. When you watch a movie called Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, do you expect to see Jack and The Beanstalk? No? Well, then, skip this movie, because that's what it is. Oh, sure. There's a good 20 mins of Santa getting stuck in Florida. But then, it's Jack and The Beanstalk for an hour, and then they wrap up with The Ice Cream Bunny saving Santa on a firetruck. What, is he gonna drive Santa to the airport?

Santa psychically calls for some children to help him. But, they all fail because they can't push the animals up to Santa's sleigh. Fearing the children are disheartened, Santa tells them all the story of Jack And The Beanstalk. Honestly, it's pretty basic stuff, with some musicals thrown in. If you were expecting a weird Christmas movie like I was, you'll be disappointed.

All the children sing terribly off-key even when dubbed over. Worse yet, they still include noises like Santa's workshop, and firetruck sirens over the kids' singing. The only good singer is the giant. He sings “Fee Fie Fo Fum” like an old opera singer. But then, the warbly low-budget 1970s audio ruins his spoken dialogue, which he always shouts at the top of his lungs. I get it, he's a giant, but spare me the microphone feedback.

In conclusion, skip this movie. Even if you just want a weird Christmas musical, this isn't it. It's Jack and The Beanstalk pretending to be a Christmas movie. It's like someone had a neat bunny costume, and wanted to put it in a movie, so they just crammed it into another movie. It's not even particularly weird. Just disappointing. It's free on Tubi, if you dare.

Robin Hood (1973):

Robin Hood (1973):

“The story of the legendary British outlaw is portrayed with the characters as humanoid animals.”

Well, I never thought I'd be reviewing this classic. So, here I go! It's the tale of Robin Hood, as seen through the animal kingdom. Robin Hood is a fox, Little John's a bear, and the whole thing is told by a rooster. Prince John is a power-hungry maneless lion, bent on taxing the poor, and living a rich lifestyle.

But, Robin Hood robs from the rich and gives to the poor. We first see this when he and Little John disguise themselves as female fortune tellers, but Prince John lets them in, because: “Female bandits? What next?” Then, when the rabbit Skippy has a birthday party, Robin Hood stops by and gives him his hat and bow. Well, he gets into some trouble as he shoots an arrow in Prince John's court.

Maid Marian checks on Skippy, and from this, the haughty Prince John and Sir Hiss get the idea to lure Robin Hood out with an archery contest (But, not before getting robbed again!), and then by kidnapping Friar Tuck! Robin Hood enters the contest disguised as a giant stork, fake beak and all. Clever!

After winning the tournament and Maid Marian, Robin Hood is found out, Friar Tuck is captured by the wolf Sheriff of Nottingham, and all looks to be lost until Robin Hood and Skippy's friends organize a jailbreak. (In disguise of course, this time as the dumb vulture guard Nutsy.) He fights the Sheriff and then disposes of Prince John for the actual king, Richard The Lion-Hearted. In this version, of course, he's an actual lion. Maid Marion and Robin Hood get married, and it all makes for a good lighthearted kid's movie.

A few notes before I recommend this one. There's some reused animation that's from the Jungle Book (1967). Most notably, during the dance number. The whole thing is (Oodalalee!) after all, a musical. But, other than that, the voice acting is good (Sir Hiss the snake and Prince John sure ham it up together.), the hand-drawn animation is nice, and I found it fun to re-visit, years later. I hadn't seen it since I was a kid, and I thought it holds up. Give it a watch on Disney+!

Flight of The Navigator (1986):

Flight of The Navigator (1986):

“In 1978, a boy travels 8 years into the future and has an adventure with an intelligent, wisecracking alien ship.”

David chases his brother through the woods in 1978, and wakes up 8 years later. His house is owned by someone else. Time has passed, but he hasn't aged. The scariest thing about this movie is that none of the NASA scientists who later take the kid explain what's going on.

The scientists want to examine all the star charts that the UFO put inside his brain. Meanwhile, no one explains this. He only has like one friend inside NASA, and she can barely explain to him what a music video is. He's never seen one before. After that, the alien voice in his head beckons him back to the UFO to complete his mission.

Once inside the UFO, the Trimaxian alien explains his mission to collect data on other lifeforms in space. The kid is “the navigator”, who must pilot the ship. Along the way, they teach each other how to laugh, dance, and listen to music. David calls the Trimaxian “Max”, and as they become friends and laugh, he sounds more like Pee Wee Herman.

After their adventure together, Max returns the kid to the '70s. As a souvenir, he lets him keep a little alien from its biological zoo. It's a genuinely good movie. If I saw it as a kid, I would've freaked out. But, the freaky parts help you appreciate the fun and wonder that comes later. Check it out if you can.

Cruella (2021):

Cruella (2021):

“A live-action prequel feature film following a young Cruella de Vil.”

When your villainess is a puppy-skinning madwoman, I say lean into it. But here, she's just a fashionista/thief navigating 1970s London's gala scene. She even has dog companions. This is a pretty good movie, but as a whole it feels really messy, and takes entirely too long to get to the fancy costume battles.

It's a heist movie/comedy/prequel/reboot, but you don't really watch for the plot. You watch for the costumes: the leather outfit, the red dress, the classic Dalmatian get-up, even a garbage truck dress... All very flashy, and eye-catching. I realize they're going for a franchise though. Emma Stone alone could make it work, but just barely.

You see, in this version, it's a revenge plot against her boss who was kinda mean to her in the fashion business. Also, because her boss (The Baroness) is an evil(er?) Disney villainess, she killed her mother. But, I guess in the long run, it only matters that she was kinda mean to Estella (later Cruella.) while she was working her way up the fashion ladder to steal from her.

Acting kinda mean is just how Disney shows class issues. She's poor until she discovers the magical world of fashion. Then, she becomes Cruella, and magically outperforms her mean old boss with the help of friendship, and a boss attitude. It's just that nobody wants to watch mopey Cruella. People wanna see more of her getting justice! I can watch Emma Stone just about anytime, but I really thought the “mean boss” origin was a bit of a reach.

That said, I still do recommend the movie, because I like the 1970s style and soundtrack. I just prefer the old origin story as opposed to the new one that drags on for so long before the action. Watch it with snacks, and enjoy the fancy costumes, though. Then, it's pretty good. If you can stomach the mopey parts. I like the old evil puppy-skinning Cruella, but this one could grow on me, if they make the next movie a little more evil.

Young Frankenstein (1974):

Young Frankenstein (1974):

"An American grandson of the infamous scientist, struggling to prove that his grandfather was not as insane as people believe, is invited to Transylvania, where he discovers the process that reanimates a dead body."

Here's something a little different. It's a comedy-horror from Mel Brooks. A young Dr. Frankenstein (pronounced Frankensteen at first.) tries to avoid his grandfather's legacy of creating monsters. But, finds himself drawn back in when he receives an invite to Frankenstein's castle in Germany.

Much of the humor here is physical comedy and wordplay. “Walk this way!” Igor (pronounced EYE-gor) the hunchback says, and Dr. Frankenstein starts walking like him. Later, when they dig up a brain Igor picks up an “Abby Normal” brain. Frankenstein shows off his creation in a silly dance number that always cracks me up.

Then, when he's booed and starts being chased by the mob, the doctor decides to switch brains with the monster (for reasons given through adult innuendo.) The monster gains his intellect, and the doctor gains the monster's enormous...body parts. (To the surprise of his beautiful assistant Inga, played by Terri Garr.)

You have to give credit to everyone in this movie, but it wouldn't be the same without Gene Wilder as Young Frankenstein. He can go from cold man of science to raging maniac in a second, proclaiming such lines as “My grandfather's work was doo-doo!” with the utmost gravitas. Anyway, if you have time this spooky season, give this classic a watch. It's great fun!

EVIL OF DRACULA: (A.K.A. JAPANESE DRACULA) (1974):

EVIL OF DRACULA: (A.K.A. JAPANESE DRACULA) (1974):

A teacher comes to a school where Dracula is principal! I have a couple thoughts on this one. It's a fun watch. They seem to save most of the scary bits for the end. Most of the soundtrack is smooth jazz. It's very Japanese and very 1970s.

So, Dr. Shiraki is pursued by The Principal's undead wife, and then later, Dracula. On top of this, one of his students falls in love with him. She reacts strangely some ink blot tests, and then starts bleeding. Most the action takes a while to get to. But, if you can stick with it, I recommend it! If you like to watch people get chased by vampires while cavorting to smooth jazz, this is a fun Halloween treat.

FREE FIRE (2016):

FREE FIRE (2016):

“Set in Boston in 1978, a meeting in a deserted warehouse between two gangs turns into a shootout and a game of survival.”

When an arms deal goes wrong, the movie turns into a shootout. It doesn't slow down. One of the gang members realizes another gang member beat him up the day before, and that the gangs supplied the wrong weapons. From there, all hell breaks loose, and they start shooting. Chris is one group leader. Ord is the other guy, played by Armie Hammer.

Brie Larson plays Justine, an intermediary between both groups, and Chris's girlfriend. But, she holds her own too in the shootout. The entire movie is a giant shoot out in the warehouse. Everyone has their own team to protect. Nearly each character has a secret backstory or agenda. Who will survive?

Pretty exciting action movie stuff. It has a nicely contained '70s crime plot, plenty of guns, and lots of stylish violence. If you're in the mood for a shoot-em-up with a good runtime, I'd say check it out. Great mystery too. It's free on Netflix.

Stroszek (1977):

Stroszek (1977):

"In Berlin, an alcoholic man, recently released from prison, joins his elderly friend and a prostitute in a determined dream to leave Germany and seek a better life in Wisconsin."

Stroszek is part morality tale and part absurdist comedy. It's tragedy lies in that we want these misfit characters to succeed. But, after an agent confiscates his pet chicken, Stroszek and his band of misfits confront the darkness of the criminal underworld and American life. A Werner Herzog classic! If you can stomach the suffering and madness that is his trademark, give it a watch. It's actually darkly humorous. Free on Tubi.

The Point (1971):

The Point (1971):

"A father tells his son a bedtime story about young Oblio (Mike Lookinland), who believes that having no point in the fantastical kingdom of pointed heads and things, still has a point."

Weird musical-ish adventure movie with Ringo as Narrator. A boy on a quest to find himself. He has no point on his head, but everyone else has a point. Check it out if you can! Free on Tubi. Groovy!

Wizards (1977):

Wizards (1977):

"On a post-apocalyptic Earth, a wizard and his faire folk comrades fight an evil wizard who's using technology in his bid for conquest."

Wizards is pretty weird. An evil wizard fights against hippie elves after he discovers Nazi film propaganda. A silent bounty hunter! Trippy visuals by Ralph Bakshi. It satirizes war, religion, and technology. Check it out.