Breathing Fire (1991):

Breathing Fire (1991):

“A Vietnam veteran with two kids leads a bank heist that ends up killing one of his war comrades, leaving him to protect the murdered man’s daughter.”

Never did I think a family comedy/martial arts movie would revolve around plastic pizza. Like, toy pizza. Anyway, some bank robbers put some keys to a vault containing Vietnam War gold inside pieces of plastic pizza. Meanwhile, some kids, Tony and Charlie, are training for a state karate tournament.

Well, Charlie's dad gets murdered by the mob after being mailed toy pizza. So, the kids go to live with their Uncle David. He teaches them martial arts, and they try to impress his murdered brother's daughter. Except wait, weren't they already in a karate tournament? None of the karate should be unfamiliar.

Meanwhile, they get made fun of at a dance club, and some mafia guys attack them, where they learn that Tony's dad was part of that mob, and one of his goons was the bully. Also, the dwarf bartenders attack them. I'm not joking! So, then they go to the bully's house, where he's EATING WITH HIS MOM and beat the snot out of him.

Then, he agrees to call the police on the mob. They find the mob boss Angelo, and beat him up, but then decide it's just easier to give him the toy pizza. But, they beat him up, so...they win? You just made it easier for the bad guys to get the gold. Honestly, it all comes back to a kid calling the police. The karate and the crime drama feel really disconnected. None of the karate scenes actually do anything to advance the plot. Also, don't be fooled by the poster: Bolo Yeung is not the main character.

Look, I know someone wanted to follow that Karate Kid money. But, none of the karate here (While fun to watch.) matters. We know they've already trained, but then Uncle David trains them again anyway. It's like they forget that part, just so that we can have more training scenes! They already won a karate tournament! And the pizza plot is just...strange. Who puts keys in toy pizza? I guess it was supposed to be funny.

Overall, I don't think this movie has good enough action to be a good action movie, or good enough comedy to be a good comedy. The plot makes very little sense, and could've easily been a crime drama instead of forcing it into a Karate Kid-type family movie narrative. Definitely skip this one. You aren't missing much. Unless you like pizza jokes, I guess?

NINJA KNIGHT THUNDER FOX (1988):

NINJA KNIGHT THUNDER FOX (1988):

“A private detective uses her considerable martial arts skills to seek revenge after an organized crime syndicate murders her beloved sister.”

Another kung fu B-Movie that's only good if you have a good sense of humor. There's clearly two movies spliced together here. That's why our main characters never meet. One character is a detective named Brad. He has his office decorated in Coca-Cola signs and Sylvester Stallone posters to give you the impression he's in America, and not Hong Kong. His mission is to collect evidence that Bonnie's sister was kidnapped.

Now, Bonnie just kicks butt. Her sister was kidnapped, and she goes out to a bar, beats up all the goons with huge meat-slapping effects, and finds out where their base is. She then takes a motorbike and a harpoon, and just tears up the place. She even wears a Rambo-type headband. Though she has a hilarious habit of choking bad guys right after she demands: “Answer my questions! Where is she?”

You'd think that Bonnie would be the one to get magic ninja powers with all her skills. But, you'd be wrong. They gave the ninja magic to Brad. Who's on a completely different mission. Twice he transforms himself into a ninja, and starts backflipping and catching bullets. It's good stuff, if they could ever decide what weapons Brad actually uses. Some shots he has a sword, then a gun, then nothing.

Overall, it's pretty good for a cut-and-paste kung fu film. If anything, it's unintentionally funny. Bonnie's scenes are legitimately action-packed. Brad scenes have Halloween store ninja costumes and magic. It's free on Tubi, so I recommend it. Give it a watch if you can.

THE KARATE KID (1984):

THE KARATE KID (1984):

“A martial arts master agrees to teach karate to a bullied teenager.”

So, I guess because of the success of Cobra Kai, Netflix re-released The Karate Kid movies. I haven't watched it since I was a youngster...and I'm pretty sure that was a rental. So, I thought...what the heck? Let's see if this holds up. I liked Cobra Kai, and like karate movies.

But, the first thing I noticed about the movie was, it's mostly a family movie. Which is ok, but it means the karate doesn't start until Miyagi defends Daniel. Miyagi's scenes are really good, and his “training” (a.k.a. doing chores.) Daniel for the tournament mostly demonstrates the philosophy of karate vs. punches and kicks. Something which is lost in the Cobra Kai series later, but the show makes fun of anyway.

Johnny Lawrence on the other hand, has good punches and kicks. We don't really see him train with Kreese; Johnny only leads a dojo session once. But we know Cobra Kai's philosophy (“Strike first, strike hard, no mercy!”) and that makes him a bully. He tries to control his girlfriend, and get his gang to beat up Daniel. It's Miyagi who decides the the karate tournament is the best way to win Cobra Kai's respect.

If Daniel wins at the tournament, then he won't have to fight, because he'll have earned respect. So, we enter the tournament. A couple things. Daniel enters the tournament as a black belt, because Miyagi says he is. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't happen today. Second, you have to love the 1980s ending to this movie. Daniel wins after the power ballad. Roll credits.

All in all, it is a great movie. But, I definitely see it differently as an adult than as a kid. Which I guess is the point. It's a family movie. It really made me think about how necessary the sequels were, and the Cobra Kai series. As a kid, I just thought “Wow, karate!” As an adult, I just thought “Wow, Kreese and Miyagi are pretty messed up.”

I mean, sure Johnny's a bully, but he's a kid. He's just acting cool. Kreese is crazy. Miyagi, as kind as he is, has no problem bending rules for Daniel and struggles with implied alcoholism and PTSD. Pat Morita was a great actor, and he really added a lot of heart to this movie, I won't argue that. But it does make me realize how flawed even he was, which is I guess why the Cobra Kai series works.

So, would I recommend watching it? It depends how much you like family movies. It was good to watch with fresh eyes again. But as it is, I think Cobra Kai gives you enough clips to catch up, and is more emotionally complex. Basically, Cobra Kai is for adults, but Karate Kid is great...if you're a kid.

Kung Fury (2015):

Kung Fury (2015):

"In 1985, Kung Fury, the toughest martial artist cop in Miami, goes back in time to kill the worst criminal of all time - Kung Führer, a.k.a. Adolf Hitler."

In this action comedy set in the 1980s, a martial arts expert named Kung Fury/cop time travels to kill Hitler. He resurrected himself with kung fu and shot up a police station through a phone. With the help of his friend Hackerman (played by Swedish musician Mitch Murder), he hacks through time to stop Hitler from becoming a supreme kung fu expert.

But, first he travels to far back in time, and meets Thor. The Norse God and his Valkyries join the fight against the kung fu Nazis. This is a fun little tribute/parody to the scifi action films of the 1980s. Pure fun action. It's the ultimate Good vs Evil battle! It's not too long. Give it a watch when you have time.