Street Fighter: The Movie (1994):

Street Fighter: The Movie (1994):

If you know me, you know I love Street Fighter. I'm not here to talk about what makes the movie bad. There are plenty of articles on that. Plus, it still gave us Kylie Minogue as Cammy. Belgian action hero Jean-Claude Van Damme as the All-American Captain Guile at least works as a comedy. No, I'm going to be nice to the movie, (Merry Christmas!) and talk about the one thing that works about it: Raul Julia as M. Bison.

For a man dying of cancer at he was filming, it's amazing to me how he plays this role with such megalomania and exuberance. He gave us such classic lines such as: “For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But, for me, it was Tuesday.” (To Chun Li.) He even says he'll replace God and has grand delusions of world domination through a mutant army, in an underground base. It's impossible not to be sucked in by this villainous dictator's charm and melodramatic proclamations.

I feel like he was the one actor who understood that the movie is a comedy. It's an action-comedy, of course. But, ultimately, at the time, videogame movies were still thought of as for kids. And that's who Raul Julia was doing it for! (Specifically, his kids.) So, even though Guile has weird lines, and almost nothing else about the movie works, we still have Raul Julia playing Bison as a madman fully aware that he's in a videogame! That alone should bring anyone joy. Give it a watch as a comedy, and see if it makes you smile!

So what's your favorite M. Bison line? I think mine is the "it was Tuesday." line. That was just great. But, he has such gravitas, every line is great. Let me know your favorite Street Fighter line in the comments. It's not a good movie, but it's not bad as a comedy. Merry Christmas, everyone.

SANTA CLAUS AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972)

SANTA CLAUS AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972)

“Santa's sleigh is stuck in the sand on a Florida beach only days before Christmas Eve. A group of children try to help.”

Tell me something. When you watch a movie called Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, do you expect to see Jack and The Beanstalk? No? Well, then, skip this movie, because that's what it is. Oh, sure. There's a good 20 mins of Santa getting stuck in Florida. But then, it's Jack and The Beanstalk for an hour, and then they wrap up with The Ice Cream Bunny saving Santa on a firetruck. What, is he gonna drive Santa to the airport?

Santa psychically calls for some children to help him. But, they all fail because they can't push the animals up to Santa's sleigh. Fearing the children are disheartened, Santa tells them all the story of Jack And The Beanstalk. Honestly, it's pretty basic stuff, with some musicals thrown in. If you were expecting a weird Christmas movie like I was, you'll be disappointed.

All the children sing terribly off-key even when dubbed over. Worse yet, they still include noises like Santa's workshop, and firetruck sirens over the kids' singing. The only good singer is the giant. He sings “Fee Fie Fo Fum” like an old opera singer. But then, the warbly low-budget 1970s audio ruins his spoken dialogue, which he always shouts at the top of his lungs. I get it, he's a giant, but spare me the microphone feedback.

In conclusion, skip this movie. Even if you just want a weird Christmas musical, this isn't it. It's Jack and The Beanstalk pretending to be a Christmas movie. It's like someone had a neat bunny costume, and wanted to put it in a movie, so they just crammed it into another movie. It's not even particularly weird. Just disappointing. It's free on Tubi, if you dare.

Broforce (2015):

Broforce is a pixelated run-and-gun that is an homage to American action movies. Each hero or "Bro" has their own weapons and special abilities. For example, Rambro (Rambo) can throw grenades, while Brommando (Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando) fires a rocket launcher with a special attack that fires three missiles. My favorite bro is probably the duo pair known as The Boondock Bros (Boondock Saints), because not only do they both have to be killed for you to lose a life, but their special ability is resurrection. That comes in handy because as you progress the game can get really hard.

You start off just blasting terrorists in the jungle, and rescuing Bros. The bro parody names are funny sometimes, but sometimes they don't even try. Bro Hard should be John BroClane for example. But, others are pretty funny like The Brofessional (The Professional) and Brobrocop (Robocop). Honestly, I just like blowing stuff up sometimes. Your goal is to get to the chopper at the end of each level. Except when you just have to kill a boss. Everything around you blows up or is destroyed when you shoot at it. Even that can be pretty fun.

The fun and humor of the game count for a lot. I never did get much farther than the later buzzsaw trap levels. But, the fast pace and ultra-masculine satirical humor of the game is enough to keep me trying. At the end of each level, you have to kill mini-Satan and raise the USA flag for the chopper to come. But, I see that on the last level, Satan turns into his final beast form and throws fireballs that take up the whole screen that you have to run from while shooting at him. Holy cow! Other levels include aliens and underground enemy bases.

You can also design your own levels in the level editor. Mix and match your enemies and power-ups! Create your own obstacles! Screw around and shoot everything. It's a good time.

Ultimately, I think Broforce has enough challenge and fun to make it infinitely replayable. Though some levels are definitely not my favorite, like the Rail Fortress boss. However, once you beat a level, it's always really satisfying to see everything blow up, and hear that victorious heavy metal guitar riff. Try playing Broforce anyway you can. It's a blast whether you're playing solo or with your bros!