King of The Dragons (1991 Arcade/1994 Super Nintendo):

King of The Dragons (1991 Arcade/1994 Super Nintendo):

“Set out on a great adventure in a fantastical world to defeat Gildiss, the mighty Red Dragon, and save the kingdom from darkness!” – Steam

King of The Dragons is a fantasy beat-em-up that came to Super Nintendo in 1994 (As I remember it!), ported from the 1991 arcade game. It was just like playing a good hack-and-slash DnD game. I still remember a lot of the bosses, characters, the level design, and the great music that made it all unique and part of my formative DnD experience, even though it wasn't directly related to the DnD games. I just want to talk about it.

You start off by selecting your character who's on a quest to slay a dragon. There's a fighter, a cleric, a wizard, a dwarf, and an elf. The elf has the best range. The dwarf has the least range. The cleric is okay, and the wizard is a gamble, since with every level his attack spell, and thus range, also changes. Your weapons level up after every boss fight, but for some reason...I guess for the added challenge, you can also not pick up new weapons and let them disappear.

The first boss fight is the Orc Chieftain. He's got two chain whips and you have to stay in the middle of him while taking out baddies in the forest. Then, the Minotaur who charges every so often after swinging a giant axe. Then, the wyvern, who you attack in the sky, so if you don't have good range, you're just doomed unless you're really good at jumping attacks, or have a lot of magic. The hydra is pretty sneaky with it's multiple heads shooting different things out. I could go on, but really, all of the bosses are are so good, and tough. I usually die right before the giant spider on my own.

Later on, there's a cyclops, a giant spider, a dragon knight, a dark wizard, and of course, King of The Dragons, Glidiss. Each boss has its own trick to beat, but it can still be pretty tricky, if you waste a lot of health getting to them. Heck, I still can't beat the game on my own. But, a lot of the enemy designs, and level designs like spooky giant spiders in the forest, the cyclops who throws rocks, or the shifty mermen still influence many DnD campaigns today.

The settings and music are phenomenal for the 16-bit era. I feel like, in any beat-em-up, since you'll be attacking and doing the same things a lot, the sound can make or break the experience, and boy, does King of The Dragons go all out from the first level onward. Even the character select screen music feels like an epic quest, the level up sound “Wooo!” let's you know you just became more powerful, the magic screen-clearing lightning attacks or frog orbs that turn all your enemies into frogs (BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!) or (RIBBIT, RIBBIT!) feel satisfying and strong.

There are a few minor things I don't like about the game, but they're not deal-breakers. I still like it. I hate the slime enemies that capture you and drain your health. I hate the freeze spell that freezes you until you click really fast to get out of it. I hate the mimic treasure chests that bite you and you have to click really fast to get them off. Basically, I can never click fast enough to avoid them, and that always dooms me during a solo run. I do better as player two!

Despite all the annoying little enemies, it's still a great game, and its music, settings, and characters keep me coming back to it again and again to try to slay Glidiss. Taken together, all the good parts of the game make it an unforgettable experience of an epic DnD quest! Just make sure you pick the elf, in my opinion. Unless he's taken, then just pick the next best-ranged character. Check it out, if you can!

TERMINAL FORCE A.K.A GALAXIS (1995):

TERMINAL FORCE A.K.A GALAXIS (1995):

“A sacred crystal with god-like powers becomes the spoils in an epic battle between the good, the evil and the incompetent.”

Ok, this is a clear case of there are two different movies here sandwiched together. One is a Terminatoresque scifi plot with a space warrior traveling to Earth to protect a human. (Galaxis). Another is a crime movie based on a dopey adventurer trying to protect his treasure, and he busts some gang lords. Guess which one gets the main focus.

If you guessed the Terminator plot... no. They focus on the dopey (incompetent) adventurer named Jed Sanders. Brigette Nielsen is good in her role as Ladera. She's searching for the “fire crystal” before it falls into the hands of the space wizard Kyla. And protect Jed. She's good in the role, and clearly doing her best stiff Schwarzenegger impression. But, they don't give her enough to do. She doesn't even use her gun that much.

Turns out, the “fire crystal” is actually what Jed calls “The Treasure of the Incas”. They couldn't afford the movie Jed was supposed to be in, so instead we're given the backstory of Jed, by him talking to a guy in a bar. Later, Ladera shows up and beats up the gangsters that now want the treasure. Then, Jed is confronted by Kyla, who bodyswaps with Ladera via illusion and tries to seduce Jed into giving up the treasure.

So, Jed miraculously figures out how to fire Ladera's laser weapon, as the villain is bragging to her about his plan. That's it for the scifi plot. No, really. Kyla's just gone now. The rest of the movie is Jed trying to stop Victor's gangsters; with of course, his buff Amazon space warrior protecting him. One special thing about this movie is that future director Sam Raimi appears as “Nervous Police Officer.”

It's free on Tubi, and there are some interesting ideas in it, but I say skip it. It's just too obviously two short films stuck awkwardly together. They don't give the actors enough time or action to establish their characters. What you're left with is vaguely watchable, but it doesn't have enough crime to be a good crime movie, and abandons its sci-fi plot to focus on another bland character.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982):

CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982):

“Conan! What is best in life?”

“To crush your enemies. See them driven before you. And to hear the lamentations of their women.”

This is a classic sword and sorcery flick with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Conan's village is attacked, and then he becomes a slave, and then an arena fighter. He serves some time in armies, and then he meets a succubus who leads him to find Thulsa Doom, the snake cult leader responsible for his suffering. He finds a sword in a cave, and runs off to find him, and reclaim his kingdom.

Along the way, he meets friends like Valeria The Valkyrie, a wizard, and the archer Subotai. It's a pretty good adventure. Some of the action is pretty surreal. Conan is crucified at one point, and bites a vulture. Thulsa Doom turns into a snake. Good swordfights near the end. It even has some comedy. Like when Conan steals some robes to sneak into the snake cult, or plants his face in a bowl of mush.

Highly recommended for fantasy adventure lovers. Just keep in mind it's not PG-13. Worth a watch though to see Arnold tear through some bad guys before he was Terminator. This also means that when Conan speaks, it's usually a manly growl or an epic line! (See above quote!) Well, what are you waiting for? Go watch it however you can!

Willow (1988):

WILLOW (1988):

"A young farmer is chosen to undertake a perilous journey in order to protect a special baby from an evil queen."

This 1988 fantasy adventure classic follows a dwarf (Nelwyn) who must take a human (dakini) baby into a dark castle and defeat the evil queen Bavmorda using magic. It's a great adventure story with great special effects and characters. Willow has to learn to have faith in himself to become a great sorcerer. And his companions have to learn to fight for things bigger than themselves.

It is both unusual and familiar at the same time. Familiar in that it's a 1980s Campbellian hero quest, with shades of Tolkien, Conan The Barbarian, and Star Wars. Unusual in that the way they used effects and world-building to show shapeshifting and different monsters and characters, is completely unique and mostly practical.

Yes, it is good vs. evil. Faith vs. doubt. If you're into edgy, this isn't it. Some of the monsters might be scary to kids, but that's about it. It may be a simple hero's journey, but I find fantasy like that very captivating. Plus, Val Kilmer's great. He plays Madmartigan, the warrior. A lot of people remember Val Kilmer as Batman. To me, he's Madmartigan. Anyway, a good fantasy flick with some unique twists. Check it out!

Wizards (1977):

Wizards (1977):

"On a post-apocalyptic Earth, a wizard and his faire folk comrades fight an evil wizard who's using technology in his bid for conquest."

Wizards is pretty weird. An evil wizard fights against hippie elves after he discovers Nazi film propaganda. A silent bounty hunter! Trippy visuals by Ralph Bakshi. It satirizes war, religion, and technology. Check it out.