Connected Hearts: Visual Novel (2017)

Connected Hearts: Visual Novel (2017):

“Gary is caught in a strange dream and now he must overcome the adversities on his path or perish in the attempt. In this adventure you will meet 3 children in dream-like scenarios, next to a mysterious girl who talks about a promise.” - IMDB, “Connected Hearts: Visual Novel”

So, I played Connected Hearts: Visual Novel. I mistakenly thought it would be a romance visual novel, but instead it's a surreal fantasy adventure. That said, the story is pretty good for the adventure story that it is. There are 2 drawbacks immediately though. One is that it's obviously translated from Russian, and there are a lot of typos, and phrases that repeat. (Get ready to read “I swallow saliva...” a lot. I'm guessing they meant gulp, which they actually write once; much to my relief.) But, I guess in the end, the surrealism of the adventure drew me in.

It starts like a romance visual novel. A guy named Gary dreams of a girl, but then discovers that he can travel between dream worlds. He can't wake up. So, each dream world has a child that you're supposed to protect from a dream world monster. You teach them about growing up, facing their fears, embracing their talents, etc. So, it's pretty solid, storywise. Let's get to the plots.

There are 4 dream worlds. The Forest of Whispers (misspelled as Wishpers, but not a dealbreaker.) was the first one I entered. There are wolves there that insult you, and look scary. If you run from them, you'll discover the first child, Mary. She's alone and scared and her cabin is all she knows of the world. You tell her to be brave, and enter a maze where you just keep going in circles.

You soon discover the wolves don't actually do anything. They just insult you. So, you guide Mary to the exit, having conquered your fears. The next world is the Kingdom of the Sun, where strange robot-like inhabitants wear masks and live in fear of people from the “real world”. Their king, Henry, is a talented young boy who built the kingdom from his mind. You have to convince him reality is worth facing. You can't just isolate yourself inside your fantasy.

After that, you escape his robot guards, and return to the dream world hub. The next story I chose was Into the Deep. In this one, a young boy called Royer is trapped on a boat with vicious mermen. Some of the decisions you have to make here to survive, like not hiding from the monster, and “throwing” your lead pipe at a Merman (Did they mean swing?) are all pretty good for the “face your fear” theme. But, I think this one was my least favorite. The robots in The Kingdom of The Sun were the coolest.

Having done all that, you can then visit Alice's Castle. Alice is the girl Gary sees in a dream at the start of the game. Here, you find notes about “Director Heart”, and psychological test subjects all demonstrating a particular phobia. I can guess that Alice created the “dream worlds” to trap Director Hearts' children. Her phobia is chronophobia, and the entire game has been about maturing and confronting fear. So far so good, translation issues aside.

This last bit is where the game loses me. After you confront Alice, she asks you if you remember a promise you made to her. You say no. She says to remember the promise, you have to dream again. Then, the game repeats! I can easily guess, based on her choronophobia, that the promise was never to grow up, or to stay with her forever, or something like that. Something antithetical to the game's theme of maturity and bravery. Maybe I'll finish the game later, but I'm not playing through the same game again right now just to get the “real ending”.

All in all, Connected Hearts: Visual Novel is a strong fable-like story, with a good central message, and vivid imagination that helps it through some of its shortcomings. I still think the title misleads you into thinking it's a romance novel, and not a surreal adventure to save the Heart children. I'll finish it eventually, and I do recommend it, but right now I need a break. There's only so many times I can read Russian-to-English typos, and the novelty of the fantasy story has sort of worn off. That said, I do reccommend at least one playthrough.

The typos weren't the dealbreaker. I'll come back to it. I guess I just don't like games that repeat. It just strikes me as padding out the game. Particularly, when they are full of scenes I just played through. It's exhausting. For now, I need a break. But, It's free on Steam. Check it out!

King of The Dragons (1991 Arcade/1994 Super Nintendo):

King of The Dragons (1991 Arcade/1994 Super Nintendo):

“Set out on a great adventure in a fantastical world to defeat Gildiss, the mighty Red Dragon, and save the kingdom from darkness!” – Steam

King of The Dragons is a fantasy beat-em-up that came to Super Nintendo in 1994 (As I remember it!), ported from the 1991 arcade game. It was just like playing a good hack-and-slash DnD game. I still remember a lot of the bosses, characters, the level design, and the great music that made it all unique and part of my formative DnD experience, even though it wasn't directly related to the DnD games. I just want to talk about it.

You start off by selecting your character who's on a quest to slay a dragon. There's a fighter, a cleric, a wizard, a dwarf, and an elf. The elf has the best range. The dwarf has the least range. The cleric is okay, and the wizard is a gamble, since with every level his attack spell, and thus range, also changes. Your weapons level up after every boss fight, but for some reason...I guess for the added challenge, you can also not pick up new weapons and let them disappear.

The first boss fight is the Orc Chieftain. He's got two chain whips and you have to stay in the middle of him while taking out baddies in the forest. Then, the Minotaur who charges every so often after swinging a giant axe. Then, the wyvern, who you attack in the sky, so if you don't have good range, you're just doomed unless you're really good at jumping attacks, or have a lot of magic. The hydra is pretty sneaky with it's multiple heads shooting different things out. I could go on, but really, all of the bosses are are so good, and tough. I usually die right before the giant spider on my own.

Later on, there's a cyclops, a giant spider, a dragon knight, a dark wizard, and of course, King of The Dragons, Glidiss. Each boss has its own trick to beat, but it can still be pretty tricky, if you waste a lot of health getting to them. Heck, I still can't beat the game on my own. But, a lot of the enemy designs, and level designs like spooky giant spiders in the forest, the cyclops who throws rocks, or the shifty mermen still influence many DnD campaigns today.

The settings and music are phenomenal for the 16-bit era. I feel like, in any beat-em-up, since you'll be attacking and doing the same things a lot, the sound can make or break the experience, and boy, does King of The Dragons go all out from the first level onward. Even the character select screen music feels like an epic quest, the level up sound “Wooo!” let's you know you just became more powerful, the magic screen-clearing lightning attacks or frog orbs that turn all your enemies into frogs (BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!) or (RIBBIT, RIBBIT!) feel satisfying and strong.

There are a few minor things I don't like about the game, but they're not deal-breakers. I still like it. I hate the slime enemies that capture you and drain your health. I hate the freeze spell that freezes you until you click really fast to get out of it. I hate the mimic treasure chests that bite you and you have to click really fast to get them off. Basically, I can never click fast enough to avoid them, and that always dooms me during a solo run. I do better as player two!

Despite all the annoying little enemies, it's still a great game, and its music, settings, and characters keep me coming back to it again and again to try to slay Glidiss. Taken together, all the good parts of the game make it an unforgettable experience of an epic DnD quest! Just make sure you pick the elf, in my opinion. Unless he's taken, then just pick the next best-ranged character. Check it out, if you can!

Cards and Castles 2 (2023):

Cards and Castles 2 (2023):

“Collectible cards spring to life in this wacky Tactical CCG. Assemble a deck to challenge your friends and rivals, and engage in glorious CARD BATTLES! Will you choose fearsome dragons, or the deadly squirrels?”

This game is a collectible card game (CCG) that is all about using a cutesy and funny art-style for a war-based card game. It reminds me a little bit of Card Wars from Adventure Time. There are 6 factions. Vikings, Ninjas, Undead, Bestial, Thieves and Heroes. The Vikings can summon berserkers, land sharks, and war penguins, among others. The forces of Nature (Bestial) can summon Archers, Trees, and battle squirrels. It's all about being silly and weird.

But, the game isn't without strategy. I still haven't really built a good deck up yet. Sometimes you can build buildings that give cards more health or attack. Or if you're the Ninja or Thieves faction, you can set traps so that when your castle is attacked, it hurts the other player. The object of of the game is to destroy the other player's castle.

As with most of these deck-building games, there comes a point where it just comes down to luck of the draw and how powerful your cards are, but that's how they draw you in. You might be doing good one minute and then someone draws a card that destroys everything in your deck. That's just how these games go. A cutesy art-style can only mask so much grinding.

I'm not a fan of huge grinds in games, so I usually just stick with the Vikings so far, unless I'm completing a mission that calls for another faction. They can use Dwarven weapons and armor, and have good heroes, like some guy named Björn. Plus, they're the first faction you start with, so it's easier for me just to start there and build outward.

Look, I wish I could say I liked the game more, I'm not against the “Git Gud” philosophy, but there's too much grinding for my tastes. Single-Player Quests are ok, even a bit challenging. After a while, you're either too overpowered for Single-Player, or too under-powered for multiplayer. But, as I said, I still haven't really built up a good deck. I can't really recommend it, but if you don't mind the grind, check it out.

Solo Leveling (2024):

Solo Leveling (2024):

“In a world of gifted hunters and monsters, a weak hunter Sung Jinwoo gains extraordinary powers through a mysterious program, leading him to become one of the strongest hunters and conquering even the strongest dungeons.”

Jinwoo is a 20 year old down-on-his-luck guy who suddenly finds himself in a world where RPG monsters invade Korea through a “gate”. The government learns how to use magic as energy, gold, classes, and skills, just like a game world and hires them as “hunters” to clear monster dungeons. Jinwoo joins a party with a high-ranked leader. Since Jinwoo is weak, he only has a cheap knife to start with.

One day, they end up trapped by giant god statues. But, Jinwoo is the only one who finds out that there is no boss fight. It's a puzzle. That lets him start again in the game world. After his party is defeated at various points in the puzzle, he wakes up again, and slowly learns the rules of the game world, including what gets points and how to get stronger.

Slowly, he begins to build his stats and strength, and learn where the monsters are, as well as their weakness. Now, he can bring up game screens and inventories to enhance his stats and abilities, as well as make weapons appear like swords. No more cheap knives. Jinwoo decides to focus on strength, and has a real-life muscular body as a result of spending his points on strength. However, to avoid attention, he still puts on a front of being very weak, so he can gain “levels” while adventuring solo.

Overall, it's a good mix of real-world and videogame mechanics. The monsters are interesting enough that it keeps me wondering what will happen next. It's hyper-violent, so it never gets boring. There's wolves, goblins, giant ants, snakes, and spiders. It's been fun to see Jinwoo's transformation from weakling to hero thanks to videogame-style Fighter specialization. It gives hope to gamers. (Not that I really am, these days.) Check it out!

Slay The Spire (2019)

Slay The Spire (2019):

"It's a combination of roguelike-like gameplay with a deck-building card game. It requires players to develop a strategy for their deck on the fly based on the cards they can obtain from loot.”

Slay The Spire is basically a Souls-Like game with cards. You begin the game by selecting a class. Your class determines what skills and abilities (Cards) you have. There's The Ironclad. He's your Tank character with heavy attacks. There's The Silent. He's your Rogue (DPS: Damage-per-Second.) guy with quick attacks and good abilities. There's The Defect, your “Mage-Type”, with weak attack but heavy on spells and abilities.

The one class I haven't gotten yet is The Watcher. But, I assume it's a support-type character. The Monsters you face are fierce, and can do lot of damage usually, just like a Souls-Like. You'll need to balance your block and attack cards each turn. If you don't block, you're dead. If you can't attack, you're dead.

Some monsters can attack and exhaust your cards or steal your cards. Some mini-bosses have special abilities like reflecting attacks back at you or just dealing truckloads of damage. But, fear not. each level of the Spire is like a board, and each defeated monster drops loot. Not every space on the board is a monster encounter. You can have mystery encounter spaces, where something happens whether it's meeting a demon who curses you, but gives you abilities, or a gambling game that can get you new cards. (Or something like that.) Each such space is usually random.

You can also buy potions, cards, and abilities from merchant spaces if you land on them. My favorite spaces though, are campfire spaces. Here, you rest and heal, or upgrade your cards, making their effects more powerful. These are usually good before boss fights or mini-bosses. You can either rest, or upgrade. You cannot do both.

Overall, it's a good game. A tough game. You die a lot. But, it makes me want to replay each time to see if I can do better. I always want to get better cards or try a different class. “Git Gud”, as the gamers say. Give it a try. Check it out on Steam.

Stupid Zombies (2013):

Stupid Zombies (2013):

“A man, a shotgun and a bunch of zombies. You're humanity's last hope, and it's your job to keep them in line. Adjust your shots and angles, and watch your bullets bounce from wall to wall, elegantly cutting off the arms and limbs of each zombie.”

Stupid Zombies is one of those time-waster puzzle games where you clear each stage by aiming and shooting until all the enemies are gone. Each puzzle gets harder as you progress. It's like Angry Birds, but with zombies and monsters. The main character is stationery, and you take out all the enemies as best you can.

You have different ammo, different obstacles, and different monsters as you continue. For example, one level you might have bomb ammo, bouncing ammo, or there might be boxes or glass in the way of the monsters. Some levels have traps you can activate like exploding barrels or crates that can eliminate zombies. But, no good Angry Birds-clone is complete without microtransactions (a.k.a. pay-to-win.) and star rankings.

Each Stage has 360 levels. You can unlock 4 stages. You unlock stages by getting a certain score (Up to 3 stars each.) on each level depending on how good you did. Each has their own unique settings and traps, but are essentially difficulty settings. So, Stage 1 is relatively Easy, Stage 2 is Normal, Stage 3 is Hard, and Stage 4 is Expert.

You can, of course, just pay for airstrikes that automatically clear a level. A pay-to-clear attack is a grand tradition of Free-To-Play Angry Birds clones. But, I'm not doing that. I like my Free-To-Play games to actually be free. So, in conclusion, it's Angry Birds with zombies. It won't win awards, but it's a fun, mostly free way to waste time. Check it out!

BlazBlue: Cross Tag Battle (2018):

BlazBlue: Cross Tag Battle (2018):

“BlazBlue: Cross Tag Battle is a 2D crossover fighting game developed and published by Arc System Works, first released for PlayStation 4, Nintendo Switch and Windows in 2018. Cross Tag Battle features characters from different series, including BlazBlue, Persona 4 Arena, Under Night In-Birth and RWBY.”

Well, it's BlazBlue with some extra characters, and tag team mechanics! I liked it. It has some characters I didn't know about like from the Under Night In-Birth series. (But, I get that they are monster-themed characters.) Honestly, it's worth it just for the novelty of seeing characters from Persona 4 like Chie fight Ragna The Bloodedge or Ruby Rose from RWBY.

The attacks and combos are insane, as usual with BlazBlue. Plus each character has a “clash” button, that automatically performs a small tag team combo. I thought that was nice. It sets up some nice juggling. Battles are 2-on-2. You can tag another fighter when one is low on health. Or set up tag attacks! There are some “secret” characters too, like Neo Politan from RWBY, or the Blitztank from Akatsuki Blitzkampf.

Apart from single player 2-on-2 battles, each franchise in the game (BlazBlue, Persona 4, Under Night In-Birth.) has its own story mode (visual novel.) to complete. Or you can complete the full story mode where every franchise is summoned by BlazBlue, and they all have to find magic stones to return to their franchise homeworld...by engaging in 2-on-2 tag team battles, of course.

Some of my favorite characters in this game are Ahkiko from Persona 4 and Yang Xiao Long from RWBY. Both boxing types, and good for quick combos. Plus, anyone can release special attacks when you fill your character's “Cross Burst” Meter. Those are always neat. Overall, I'd say check it out on Steam.

Cupid (2015):

Cupid (2015):

“Love is both poison and cure, both knife and remedy.“

"Rosa's best friend, Catherine, is dead and she is sure Catherine’s betrothed, Marquis Guilleme is to blame. Mother says so. Mother says he has to pay with his life. Although, she knows by now Guilleme is no ordinary man. He is tainted. A monster. He cannot be killed by usual means. To seek the best revenge, she must find out all his secrets and destroy him. But will her own dark desires consume her or liberate her? No matter. Mother will tell her what to do."

Cupid (2015):

I liked this game. But, I only had the patience to get one ending. The plot is basically about a poor girl and her abusive relationship with her mother and suitor in 18th century France. She is mocked by the court until she's taken in by a nobleman (the suitor.) who actually is Cupid. I found the story unique, but a bit long. Well, I killed Cupid in the one ending I got, and I have no desire to replay. A bit too melodramatic, and a long read, for what it is.

BlazBlue: Continuum Shift (2009):

BlazBlue: Continuum Shift (2009):

“A few days have passed since the reported raid by Ragna the Bloodedge, The 13th Hierarchical City Kagutsuchi forgets to celebrate New Years, as his alleged involvement in the Mysterious Bombing and "Huge Pentacle Sightings" becomes the talk of the town. With the NOL offering no official explanation, the citizens voice their own theories, exaggerating and spreading rumors like wildfire. Completely indifferent to the state of the city, Ragna grips his massive sword and quietly bides his time—waiting for the chance to achieve his true objective, and then, the enormous power that has ensnared Ragna begins to activate...”

A Fighting Game/visual novel. Colorful characters, attacks, and sometimes waifus. One is a squirrel, and there's a couple cats, a couple robots, a vampire, and one character (Arakune) is a bag full of bees. The main character is a spiky-haired edgelord with a big sword who swears sometimes. There's a backstory about Magic Weapons and time travel, but it's not important. The last boss is Michael Jackson with demon powers, basically. Honestly, if it weren't also a fighting game, I'd say it made no sense. It still makes no sense, but at least it's cool to see. Actually, the visual novel aspect is pretty forgettable, for as complex as it wants to be. But, it's still a cool fighting game. I'd recommend it. Check it out.

Ninja Scroll (1993):

Ninja Scroll (1993):

Ninja Scroll is about Jubei, a ronin who just wants to be left alone after finding out his old friend Lord Genma, has become the Dark Shogun, leader of the Eight Devils of Kimon. All that changes after a government spy named Dakuwan poisons him with a ninja star, forcing him to go on a quest to defeat the Eight Devils to receive the antidote.

This is just good anime fun. Plenty of gore, sketchy content, and an anti-hero protagonist with a “devil-may-care” loner attitude. This is the anime that showed me what anime was all about. Back when the only other anime I'd caught on TV where Sailor Moon and DBZ, though I knew a little bit about Street Fighter and videogames.

Speaking of videogames, each fight here with a Devil is structured like a videogame boss fight, but there are no incessant power-ups like DBZ or Sailor Moon. Just each Devil with a specific power, and weakness. There's a rock guy, a guy with bees, an exploding lady, a blind samurai, a snake lady, a guy with an electric cord, and Genma among others. He simply has to find a weakness in each, and defeat them.

Along the way, Jubei meets up with Kagero, a Kuga clan ninja girl with poison in her body. She helps Jubei after being attacked by one of the Devils. She has a unique ability to poison whoever she “gives her body” to. So, that's an exciting use of her ability. She also has ninja abilities like magic blossoms she can summon.

Overall, Ninja Scroll is edgy, exciting, and fast-paced. Each fight is well-structured, bloody, and awesome. The visuals are great, and the hero is a smarmy anti-hero who isn't on your typical shonen power-up quest. He just wants peace, nothing phases him. He's a chill guy, which makes the battles more exciting. If you have a chance, check it out. It's a must-watch anime!

Flying Phantom Ship (1969):

Flying Phantom Ship (1969):

“Hayato's peaceful life with his parents and his dog is brought to a dramatic, terrible end when a giant robot, said to be sent from a flying ghost ship, devastates the city, killing hundreds including Hayato's parents.”

It all begins with a fishing trip where Hayato's dad encounters the ghost ship captain in a haunted castle. The captain is actually there to scare his company's boss, who is in the castle, but they don't know that. So, after saving his dad's boss from the castle, a giant golem attacks Tokyo, claiming to be from the captain. Hayato's family dies in the attack, and he finds out they aren't his real parents. So, what began as a playful Scooby Doo mystery takes a hard turn into Japanese monster movie territory. Hayato tells his dog to get lost, and soon discovers that the boss (named Kuroshio.) was behind the golem attack, not the pirate captain, after he reveals his underground lair. Turns out, the attack is a ploy to promote Japanese industry and get everyone addicted to Boa Juice, Hayato's favorite soda pop.

The soda is actually produced by a sea monster Boa, who sends a giant crab monster to Tokyo and turns Kuroshio into soda for failing to disguise the attack. Meanwhile, Hayato joins the ghost ship captain, who is actually a defender of Japan. His ship is actually a robot ship, equipped with lasers and forcefields.

On the ship, Hayato vows to defeat Boa, and give up his favorite soda to defend the people. The pirate captain takes off his skull mask, and reveals himself as Hayato's real father. We're introduced to Tori, his daughter (and Hayato's sister.) who motivates him to find Boa. This movie wears a lot of different hats. On one hand, it's a mystery, then a monster movie, then an adventure.

As it turns into an undersea adventure, we see that Boa is a giant squid. His body is invulnerable to torpedo and laser attacks. Tori discovers by accidentally hitting an EMP pulse button during a crash that Boa is actually a robot, and they can defeat him with electromagnetism. The monster goes haywire, and buries itself after crashing into a cave wall. Hayato is congratulated back home by his new family, and becomes the new ghost ship captain.

So, is this all worth watching? Yes, but only because it's very short: 61 mins. It's exciting, but never really picks a tone. It's exciting, but I wish it were more focused. As it is, it's a good adventure flick. I'd say give it a watch anyway you can. It's worth it just to see all the craziness.

It wears a lot of the trends of 1960s Japan: Monster attacks, robots, environmentalist themes, family switcheroos...but it wears them all like a finely-tailored suit. Trivia: for its anti-capitalist themes this was the first ever Japanese anime shown in Russia (USSR), and the animation on the ship was done by Hayao Miyazaki.

Return to Oz (1985):

Return to Oz (1985):

“Dorothy, saved from a psychiatric experiment by a mysterious girl, is somehow called back to Oz when a vain witch and the Nome King destroy everything that makes the magical land beautiful.”

Return to Oz is some dark and crazy stuff. I almost forgot it was a Disney movie. Back on the farm, Dorothy finds a key to Oz. But, her parents still don't believe she ever went there. So, they commit her to a mental hospital, where she's going to be subjected to electroshock therapy. But, after a storm, she escapes with a friend and a chicken named Billina.

Some of the character design is really wacky and twisted. For example, everyone in Emerald City has been turned to stone, and Wheelers (humanoid punk monsters with wheels for limbs.) dominate the landscape. The Yellow Brick Road is destroyed. The whole movie has a desolate, strange, and uncanny feeling.

Characters Dorothy has as companions are Tik-tok, (a clockwork man.) Billina the chicken, Jack Pumpkinhead, and The Gump, who is a mounted deer head on a flying sofa. Mombi has taken over Oz. She can remove her head, and replace it with any head she takes, which is pretty creepy. On top of Mombi, there's another new enemy. He calls himself The Nome King.

The Nome King is made of stone and hates chickens, for reasons that aren't revealed til later. He claims all the jewels in Oz, so he turned Emerald City to stone. He also likes riddles and games. If Dorothy can pick which objects he turned her friends into, she can leave. But, of course, it isn't that easy. There's always a twist.

Overall, I liked all the weird enemies and companions. I think if I were a kid the movie would've freaked me out. But, I liked the weirdness of it all. Especially Tik-tok and The Nome King. It's rated PG, but that still kind of surprises me. If you're in the mood for a twisted fairytale, give it a watch on Disney+!

Vicious Lips (1986):

Vicious Lips (1986):

“Sometime in the distant future, a fledgling band gets an opportunity for a breakthrough, if they can make it in time to a faraway planet to perform in a very popular club.”

So, Judy Jetson gets selected to replace a famous rockstar girl, Ace Lucas. She joins the band The Vicious Lips on their way to a big gig at The Radioactive Dream. Really, the whole movie plays like just an 80s music video, or rock opera. They keep setting it up like it'll be more, but it never really is.

They crash on a desert planet. Then, it turns out that there's an escaped ape-like alien on the spaceship. They keep acting like he should be scary and creepy, but then she smokes some “Martian herb”, and ends up on a planet called Passion Inc. where zombies chase her, and ask her if she wants to be a star.

Then, she wakes up, and it's all been a dream. Literally, one of the most cliched endings. The entire second act doesn't matter. They sing their ending number “Lunar Madness” and then roll credits. I feel like I have to go easy on this movie, since it is just a rock opera. They tease a bigger plot, but it's like Thriller. It's a vehicle for music videos.

Some of the sci-fi costumes, and songs are cool. If that's what you want, give it a watch. If you expect a full movie, you'll be disappointed. It's basically some music videos with dramatic interludes. As for me, I was disappointed. I say skip it. You're better off not knowing the 84 minute movie you watched was just a dream. Spoilers. Oh well.

Cryptozoo (2021):

Cryptozoo (2021):

“Cryptozookeepers try to capture a Baku, a dream-eating hybrid creature of legend, and start wondering if they should display these beasts or keep them hidden and unknown.”

Well, I guess it helps to know what you're getting into before you watch a movie. I expected this movie to be bizarre, but I didn't expect it to open with two naked hippies getting viciously attacked by a unicorn with South Park-levels of gore. It's a wild movie! Free on Hulu.

From the hippies, we go to our main protagonist Lauren, a cryptid hunter. It's the 1960s, and she's globe-hopping to save mystical creatures. They save Russian storm birds, a satyr, a medusa, and a guy with a face in his chest (voiced by Michael Cera.), to build a zoo for cryptids...Cryptozoo!

One day, she discovers that the Baku (dream-eater) who helped her with nightmares as a kid, and inspired her quest to become a crypto-zoologist, is being held by the US military. So, she gathers her cryptid friends and quests to save her from them. Thus, the movie turns into a sort of mystical spy epic, with tons of gore as the animals and soldiers are both killed/or captured.

I'm not necessarily against violence in movies, I just think I wasn't prepared to watch an officer get eaten by a South American megaworm. Or goblins get shot, or a hippie to be impaled by a unicorn. The general message seems to be that nature wants animals to be free, not used as weapons or entertainment. The animation is psychedelic and 1960s-inspired, so at least it's never boring. Watch it with some snacks, and you'll have fun.

The Monster Squad (1987):

The Monster Squad (1987):

“A young group of monster fanatics attempt to save their hometown from Count Dracula and his monsters.”

5 kids team up take on 5 classic monsters! As a kid, I thought the funniest scene in this movie was a kid kicking Wolfman in the “nards”. But, now I think my favorite scene is when some kid's dad shows up, and just shoots Dracula's vampire bat form! They spend all that time building up the kids, and the Dad just shoots Dracula!

Now, on to the plot. Van Helsing tried to rid the world of monsters 100 years ago, but the opening crawl says “They blew it.” So, now the monsters are in the 1980s US, wreaking havoc. Luckily, a kid who loves horror movies lives next to a German guy who can read Van Helsing's old book that will banish the monsters.

Some good monsters here. You got Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolfman, The Creature from The Black Lagoon, and The Mummy. The Mummy just unravels once a kid sticks his leg bandage to a stop sign with an arrow. Wolfman is just shot by a kid wearing a leather jacket, and of course Dracula is just shot by the kid's dad. Frankenstein teams up with the kids after befriending the little girl in the squad.

It's the little girl who reads the German magic spell. She's helped by the German guy. (Credited as “Scary German Guy”.) All in all, I liked this movie, and it was a pretty fun way to end spooky season. There's a lot of jokes that would probably be considered inappropriate for a kid's movie today, including a running gag where they have to ask one of the squad girls if she's a virgin.

But, if you turn your brain off, and remember it's “PG for the '80s”, it's a good time. I still couldn't help but wonder: If some of the monsters can just be shot, why did they need the magic? Oh, well. I guess that's the funniest part to me. It's free on YouTube. Give it a watch!

Young Frankenstein (1974):

Young Frankenstein (1974):

"An American grandson of the infamous scientist, struggling to prove that his grandfather was not as insane as people believe, is invited to Transylvania, where he discovers the process that reanimates a dead body."

Here's something a little different. It's a comedy-horror from Mel Brooks. A young Dr. Frankenstein (pronounced Frankensteen at first.) tries to avoid his grandfather's legacy of creating monsters. But, finds himself drawn back in when he receives an invite to Frankenstein's castle in Germany.

Much of the humor here is physical comedy and wordplay. “Walk this way!” Igor (pronounced EYE-gor) the hunchback says, and Dr. Frankenstein starts walking like him. Later, when they dig up a brain Igor picks up an “Abby Normal” brain. Frankenstein shows off his creation in a silly dance number that always cracks me up.

Then, when he's booed and starts being chased by the mob, the doctor decides to switch brains with the monster (for reasons given through adult innuendo.) The monster gains his intellect, and the doctor gains the monster's enormous...body parts. (To the surprise of his beautiful assistant Inga, played by Terri Garr.)

You have to give credit to everyone in this movie, but it wouldn't be the same without Gene Wilder as Young Frankenstein. He can go from cold man of science to raging maniac in a second, proclaiming such lines as “My grandfather's work was doo-doo!” with the utmost gravitas. Anyway, if you have time this spooky season, give this classic a watch. It's great fun!

EVIL OF DRACULA: (A.K.A. JAPANESE DRACULA) (1974):

EVIL OF DRACULA: (A.K.A. JAPANESE DRACULA) (1974):

A teacher comes to a school where Dracula is principal! I have a couple thoughts on this one. It's a fun watch. They seem to save most of the scary bits for the end. Most of the soundtrack is smooth jazz. It's very Japanese and very 1970s.

So, Dr. Shiraki is pursued by The Principal's undead wife, and then later, Dracula. On top of this, one of his students falls in love with him. She reacts strangely some ink blot tests, and then starts bleeding. Most the action takes a while to get to. But, if you can stick with it, I recommend it! If you like to watch people get chased by vampires while cavorting to smooth jazz, this is a fun Halloween treat.

Dead Space (1991):

Dead Space (1991):

"A deadly virus attacks the crew of a Saturn space station."

Here's a weird film. When a flesh-eating virus nearly kills everyone in a space station, a scientist (Bryan Cranston/Dr. Frank Darden.) gets the idea to combat it with a metamorphic virus that can shapeshift and take on biological forms.

Meanwhile, a shipwrecked mercenary (Commander Krieger/Marc Singer.) and his robot companion help investigate the murders going on at the station, trying to restore power to his own ship. Great use of puppets, and music.

My only complaint is, they keep shooting at the creature, after saying several times that bullets can't hurt it. Other than that, a decent sci-fi horror/mystery. It keeps you guessing how they'll defeat the creature. Watch it if you have time.

War of The God Monsters (1985):

WAR OF THE GOD MONSTERS (1985):

“A young reporter is writing a story about the theories of scientist who believes dinosaurs still exist. When monsters suddenly appear and cause destruction, the doctor and journalist must find a way to save the world.”

A scientist, Dr. Kim, is convinced that prehistoric monsters exist and are coming to punish mankind for their sins. A lot of the film is just a woman reporter showing up at the doctor's house to try to get a look at his research. Then, his daughter has a “dream” that monsters attack, Then, they actually do!

There's some good puppet work here, and a good variety of monsters. There's a triceratops monster that makes monkey noises! A fire-breathing robot dragon with laser claws! A flying chicken-headed godzilla thing! A giant starfish bat! Then, there's a horned monitor lizard, and finally, an Eastern dragon that swims.

In one of the strangest climaxes I've ever seen...the monsters just kind of...go away? They fight, stuff blows up, then the military comes in while the main family hides. The daughter says things like she's sorry, and finally the father says he was correct in his theories. It's not exactly the best writing.

That said, all that makes sense when you find out that this is actually two movies stuck together. It's footage from an original Korean movie, stuck together with scenes from Ultraman. Several shots are reused or flipped around. It's not a bad movie, if you can stomach an hour of a Korean family drama. The second half of the movie, monsters attack and stuff blows up. Watch it on Tubi, if you like B-Movie monster action.

The Dark Crystal (1982):

The Dark Crystal (1982):

"On another planet in the distant past, a Gelfling embarks on a quest to find the missing shard of a magical crystal, and to restore order to his world."

Definitely worth a watch, if you like fantasy-adventure. It has a dark feeling to it, with some weird creature designs. Excellent puppet work from Jim Henson and co.! Plus, the bad guys (Skeksis) are really evil, and suck the souls out of Gelflings. Stakes that high make for a good adventure. Give it a watch!