Steel Dawn (1987):

Steel Dawn (1987):

“In a post-apocalyptic world, a warrior wandering through the desert comes upon a group of settlers who are being menaced by the leader of a murderous gang who's after the water they control.”

Patrick Swayze plays a nomad passing through looking for food and shelter in an apocalyptic wasteland. He finds a family, and then has to protect them from roving raiders as they make plans to irrigate the town with a freshwater source. It's pretty much sci-fi action Roadhouse (1989), except instead of protecting a bar, he's protecting a post-nuclear war town.

And not only is he pursued by would-be invaders, but also people from his past, as it's hinted at that the nomad used to be a soldier in the last great war. Kasha (his would-be hostess.) makes plans to irrigate the town with her water supply, but this is what brings back trouble from the nomad's past, an assassin named Sho.

Sho has some cool weapons, including swords and a signature knee-dagger. He also refuses to fight Swayze's nomad unfairly. (Which seems very sporting for a hired assassin.) Although I like Patrick Swayze, he constantly holds his sword the wrong way. It just bugged me. Also, he takes a liking to her kid, Jux, and builds a “wind-racer” with him (Sort of a sailed go-kart.) which eventually leads to one of the slowest chase scenes I've ever seen.

All in all, it's not Mad Max or Star Wars, but it is a fun little post-apocalyptic B-movie that's sure trying to be both. Some of the action scenes venture into comedy territory they look so bad. It is hard not to like Patrick Swayze in a rugged family man role though. If you have time, give it a watch on Tubi. But, don't take it too serious, and keep some snacks nearby!

TERMINAL FORCE A.K.A GALAXIS (1995):

TERMINAL FORCE A.K.A GALAXIS (1995):

“A sacred crystal with god-like powers becomes the spoils in an epic battle between the good, the evil and the incompetent.”

Ok, this is a clear case of there are two different movies here sandwiched together. One is a Terminatoresque scifi plot with a space warrior traveling to Earth to protect a human. (Galaxis). Another is a crime movie based on a dopey adventurer trying to protect his treasure, and he busts some gang lords. Guess which one gets the main focus.

If you guessed the Terminator plot... no. They focus on the dopey (incompetent) adventurer named Jed Sanders. Brigette Nielsen is good in her role as Ladera. She's searching for the “fire crystal” before it falls into the hands of the space wizard Kyla. And protect Jed. She's good in the role, and clearly doing her best stiff Schwarzenegger impression. But, they don't give her enough to do. She doesn't even use her gun that much.

Turns out, the “fire crystal” is actually what Jed calls “The Treasure of the Incas”. They couldn't afford the movie Jed was supposed to be in, so instead we're given the backstory of Jed, by him talking to a guy in a bar. Later, Ladera shows up and beats up the gangsters that now want the treasure. Then, Jed is confronted by Kyla, who bodyswaps with Ladera via illusion and tries to seduce Jed into giving up the treasure.

So, Jed miraculously figures out how to fire Ladera's laser weapon, as the villain is bragging to her about his plan. That's it for the scifi plot. No, really. Kyla's just gone now. The rest of the movie is Jed trying to stop Victor's gangsters; with of course, his buff Amazon space warrior protecting him. One special thing about this movie is that future director Sam Raimi appears as “Nervous Police Officer.”

It's free on Tubi, and there are some interesting ideas in it, but I say skip it. It's just too obviously two short films stuck awkwardly together. They don't give the actors enough time or action to establish their characters. What you're left with is vaguely watchable, but it doesn't have enough crime to be a good crime movie, and abandons its sci-fi plot to focus on another bland character.

NINJA KNIGHT THUNDER FOX (1988):

NINJA KNIGHT THUNDER FOX (1988):

“A private detective uses her considerable martial arts skills to seek revenge after an organized crime syndicate murders her beloved sister.”

Another kung fu B-Movie that's only good if you have a good sense of humor. There's clearly two movies spliced together here. That's why our main characters never meet. One character is a detective named Brad. He has his office decorated in Coca-Cola signs and Sylvester Stallone posters to give you the impression he's in America, and not Hong Kong. His mission is to collect evidence that Bonnie's sister was kidnapped.

Now, Bonnie just kicks butt. Her sister was kidnapped, and she goes out to a bar, beats up all the goons with huge meat-slapping effects, and finds out where their base is. She then takes a motorbike and a harpoon, and just tears up the place. She even wears a Rambo-type headband. Though she has a hilarious habit of choking bad guys right after she demands: “Answer my questions! Where is she?”

You'd think that Bonnie would be the one to get magic ninja powers with all her skills. But, you'd be wrong. They gave the ninja magic to Brad. Who's on a completely different mission. Twice he transforms himself into a ninja, and starts backflipping and catching bullets. It's good stuff, if they could ever decide what weapons Brad actually uses. Some shots he has a sword, then a gun, then nothing.

Overall, it's pretty good for a cut-and-paste kung fu film. If anything, it's unintentionally funny. Bonnie's scenes are legitimately action-packed. Brad scenes have Halloween store ninja costumes and magic. It's free on Tubi, so I recommend it. Give it a watch if you can.

War of The God Monsters (1985):

WAR OF THE GOD MONSTERS (1985):

“A young reporter is writing a story about the theories of scientist who believes dinosaurs still exist. When monsters suddenly appear and cause destruction, the doctor and journalist must find a way to save the world.”

A scientist, Dr. Kim, is convinced that prehistoric monsters exist and are coming to punish mankind for their sins. A lot of the film is just a woman reporter showing up at the doctor's house to try to get a look at his research. Then, his daughter has a “dream” that monsters attack, Then, they actually do!

There's some good puppet work here, and a good variety of monsters. There's a triceratops monster that makes monkey noises! A fire-breathing robot dragon with laser claws! A flying chicken-headed godzilla thing! A giant starfish bat! Then, there's a horned monitor lizard, and finally, an Eastern dragon that swims.

In one of the strangest climaxes I've ever seen...the monsters just kind of...go away? They fight, stuff blows up, then the military comes in while the main family hides. The daughter says things like she's sorry, and finally the father says he was correct in his theories. It's not exactly the best writing.

That said, all that makes sense when you find out that this is actually two movies stuck together. It's footage from an original Korean movie, stuck together with scenes from Ultraman. Several shots are reused or flipped around. It's not a bad movie, if you can stomach an hour of a Korean family drama. The second half of the movie, monsters attack and stuff blows up. Watch it on Tubi, if you like B-Movie monster action.

DEATH RACE 2050 (2017):

DEATH RACE 2050 (2017):

"Five long decades after Death Race 2000 (1975), in the overpopulated United Corporations of America, the annual Death Race is about to begin. This time, Frankenstein is up against no-nonsense challengers. How many points will he score?"

This is more or less a soft reboot of Death Race 2000 with a new cast of racers. It keeps the original overpopulation/game show setup. The new racers are Jed Perfectus, a genetically-engineered racer, Minerva, who is a rapper, an AI named Abe, and stepping in for the Nazi gimmick of the original (Matilda The Hun in 1975.) we have Tammy The Terrorist.

It's pretty much the same film. The good news is, if you liked the old one, you'll like this. However, for some reason, some of the characters just don't stick out for me. The rapper is a one-note joke. As is Dr. Creamer/ABE (the ole “Girl has sex with robots joke”.) It's a schlocky B-Movie action comedy. Jed Perfectus is no substitute for young Sylvester Stallone.

I recommend it for being a modern take on the classic movie. Malcolm McDowell is in it as The President. Give it a watch if you have time. Turn your brain off and enjoy the stylized game show hyper-violence. A good tribute, but the original was still better.

The Killer Robots! Crash and Burn (2016):

The Killer Robots! Crash and Burn (2016):

“Robot mercenaries are sent on a mission to activate a machine that will bring about a new age of enlightenment.”

This movie is about 4 robot arena fighters who will be freed if they upload a punchcard freeing all other robots from the control of the vicious Lord Mot. One thing I will say about this movie, it doesn't have the best special effects. Most are basic green screen and puppet work. Most the robots are just guys in silver facepaint.

If you can get used to the low-budget look, it's pretty fun. They've got robots blowing up all over the place, and saving the universe. At one point, it just cuts to a live-action man playing guitar with a chicken. It's definitely odd. But, if you're in the mood for cheesy sci-fi, grab some snacks and watch it. Free on Tubi.

Mantera (2012):

Mantera (2012):

"About a boy, Azman, who stumbles upon a nano-tech glove which can transform his motorbike into body armor."

A clueless nerd from Malaysia trains with an ancient organization after he's accidentally mailed cyborg technology. It's ok. Some of the CGI is jerky and unusual. It kind of looks like an early 00s FMV videogame that doesn't make me nostalgic. The good guys are the Alliance of Light, giving them the unfortunate acronym AOL. I mean, it's like Last Starfighter combined with half-baked Transformers. It's free on Tubi, but you can skip it.

METALSTORM: THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED-SYN (1983):

METALSTORM: THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED-SYN (1983):

"On a desert planet, warlord Jared-Syn is trying to convince a tribe of mutants that he's their messiah and gain unlimited power hidden in a crystal. Ranger Dogen and explorer Dhyana, who's father was murdered by Syn, must stop him."

Mad Max meets Star Wars! It has everything. A magical space ranger! An electrical ghost! An armored car! A cyborg! A cyclops! In 3D! Total B-movie schlock, but worth a watch for all the recycled sci-fi action tropes. So bad it's good, all mixed together. Give it a watch.

Mac and Me (1988):

Mac and Me (1988):

"An alien trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a wheelchair-bound boy."

Here is a strange flick! While it's blatantly a McDonalds tie-in with Mac. the alien as a faux-E.T., there's a lot of weirdness going on here. The aliens discover they can drink Coca-Cola through their fingers, and the police shoot at them, further injuring Eric. (The wheelchair-bound boy.)

Then, they go to McDonald's and all dance together! Everything's fine! The day is saved by McDonald's and Coca-Cola! It's free on PlutoTV. It's good for a laugh, but don't expect E.T.!

Death Race 2000 (1975):

Death Race 2000 (1975):

"In a dystopian future, a cross country automobile race requires contestants to run down innocent pedestrians to gain points that are tallied based on each kill's brutality."

After economic collapse, the United States government is restructured into a totalitarian regime under martial law. To pacify the population, the government has created the Transcontinental Road Race, where a group of drivers race across the country in their high-powered cars and which is infamous for violence, gore, and innocent pedestrians being struck and killed for bonus points.

Free on Tubi. It's got David Carradine as the top racer Frankenstein, and young Sylvester Stallone plays Machine Gun Joe! Give it a watch!

Robot Jox (1989):

Robot Jox (1989):

"In the distant future, mankind has forsaken global wars for battles of single combat. The world has been divided into two opposing super powers, with each side represented by trained champions."

Mech combat movie with weird models and special effects! Space battles! Representing the US ("The Market") is Achilles. Against him his rival Alexander from "The Confederation" (USSR) in a spider tank. Winner takes Alaska, and its natural resources! It's cheesy robot goodness.

Sci-Fi Fighters (1996):

Sci-Fi Fighters (1996):

"Boston, 2009. A police detective (Roddy Piper) searches for Adrian Dunn, his ex-partner (Billy Drago) who murdered his wife. Dunn has escaped from prison on the moon and returned to Earth with an alien virus."

I love this movie. Roddy Piper makes a great Blade Runner-ish noir detective tough guy with some AMAZING dramatic chops. Apart from They Live, this was the film that convinced me that "Holy crap. Piper can ACT!" This movie began my love of Roddy Piper films, even though it's totally just a low-budget Blade Runner, with some Alien in there. Anyway, just thought I'd put it out there because a lot of people don't know about it. Check it out. Free on Tubi.

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies (2014):

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies (2014):

"Famous Wrestlers are pitted against hordes of undead when they unknowingly walk into a death trap."

Pretty good. Roddy Piper, Kurt Angle, and others vs. an undead army. Gotta love Piper sleeperholding a zombie, and beating them with a toaster. Piper truly is one of the greats. He gives 100% in every movie he's in. Low-budget, but great fun.

Alien Opponent (2010):

Alien Opponent (2010):

"The owner of a small-town junkyard offers a cash reward to whomever can kill her uninvited, space-suited alien guest when its spacecraft crash-lands into her barn. Every wacko within 100 miles turns out, and before long, the junkyard is transformed into a war zone of man vs. man vs. machine vs. alien vs. God only knows what."

Goofy action-comedy with Roddy Piper as a supporting character: a foul-mouthed priest. This one is more a pastiche of trashy reality TV shows. Imagine if Predator was a comedy. I found it entertaining. As always, Roddy Piper elevates the film by his energy, and gets a few wrestling scenes in there. Otherwise, barely a movie. But, a good and weird amateur spoof.

Krull (1983):

"A prince and a fellowship of companions set out to rescue his bride from a fortress of alien invaders who have arrived on their home planet."

Krull is one of the best Star Wars-fantasy knockoffs I've seen. Does a lot with very little. You can see them trying to invoke high fantasy-adventure, were it not for a limited budget. Give it a watch.

Hell Comes To Frogtown (1988)

Hell Comes To Frogtown (1988):

"After a worldwide nuclear war, where 68% of the male population was wiped out and virile men becoming a rarity, Sam Hell, a scavenger and a highly virile man, is assigned to help rescue a group of fertile women kidnapped by humanoid frogs."

That summary should be enough to qualify as a strange movie. Plus, I always like Mad Max-ish films. Pretty good acting here. Piper brings his trademark wildman antics to the fore. Pretty funny to see him fistfight with frog mutants. Also, good use of puppets, if that's your thing. Give it a watch!

Arena (1989)

Arena (1989):

"A human becomes an unlikely rising star in the biggest fighting tournament in the galaxy that's dominated by alien species."

This movie has it all. Rocky in Space! The best cheeseball 80s puppet technology! A boxing blob! A four-armed hobbit guy! It's free on Tubi! Check it out.