Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987):

Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987):

“The Man of Steel crusades for nuclear disarmament and meets Lex Luthor's latest creation, Nuclear Man.”

Look, you don't need me to tell you it's bad. There's giant plot holes, cheap sets, reused shots, and cartoony action scenes. And yet, in light of current tensions, I thought I'd still enjoy Superman throwing nukes into the sun. I was wrong. Very wrong. It's like they had one good idea...Superman throws nukes into the sun to try to achieve world peace. But, didn't think through the rest of it at all.

Lex Luthor busts out of prison and creates Nuclear Man from Superman's hair and the energy from the nukes thrown into space. Superman meanwhile, is trying to go on a double date as both Clark Kent and Superman. Nuclear Man crashes through buildings and says he'll “hurt people!” and “Destroy Superman!” He also talks like a caveman.

So, Superman does the logical thing, and fights Nuclear Man around the globe. In Italy, and China. He rebuilds the Great Wall with his eyes somehow, and stops a volcano by throwing a mountain into it (Why?), and freezing it with ice breath. Finally, he fights Nuclear Man on the moon, where Nuclear Man is shown to have less power, and still Superman gets pounded into the moon like a Looney Tunes character.

When the sun rises, Superman flies back and drops Nuclear Man into a nuclear containment facility after a short battle. He reasons that the sun must be the source of enemy's power. (Did he forget it's his too? Did he forget he has ice breath?) Meanwhile, in a goofy subplot, the Daily Planet almost turns into a tabloid that says Superman is dead. But, then is just bought by Perry White again, without Superman at all.

None of this makes sense. There are too many inconsistencies and plot holes. Superman is shown at one point to have radiation poisoning from Nuclear Man. That was kind of interesting. But, then how was he cured? I thought at least the fights might be cool, but instead it's Looney Tunes style bonks, and slap fights in space. I think the most Nuclear Man does is bonk Superman.

I like Christopher Reeve as Superman. He's a hopeful incarnation of the character I think we need back, in terms of style and body language. But, not like this. Not as a big goof flying around back and forth in re-used footage. I think they had one good idea. Superman trying to help the world. The rest is just idiotic. Do I need to say it? Skip this one.

Steel Dawn (1987):

Steel Dawn (1987):

“In a post-apocalyptic world, a warrior wandering through the desert comes upon a group of settlers who are being menaced by the leader of a murderous gang who's after the water they control.”

Patrick Swayze plays a nomad passing through looking for food and shelter in an apocalyptic wasteland. He finds a family, and then has to protect them from roving raiders as they make plans to irrigate the town with a freshwater source. It's pretty much sci-fi action Roadhouse (1989), except instead of protecting a bar, he's protecting a post-nuclear war town.

And not only is he pursued by would-be invaders, but also people from his past, as it's hinted at that the nomad used to be a soldier in the last great war. Kasha (his would-be hostess.) makes plans to irrigate the town with her water supply, but this is what brings back trouble from the nomad's past, an assassin named Sho.

Sho has some cool weapons, including swords and a signature knee-dagger. He also refuses to fight Swayze's nomad unfairly. (Which seems very sporting for a hired assassin.) Although I like Patrick Swayze, he constantly holds his sword the wrong way. It just bugged me. Also, he takes a liking to her kid, Jux, and builds a “wind-racer” with him (Sort of a sailed go-kart.) which eventually leads to one of the slowest chase scenes I've ever seen.

All in all, it's not Mad Max or Star Wars, but it is a fun little post-apocalyptic B-movie that's sure trying to be both. Some of the action scenes venture into comedy territory they look so bad. It is hard not to like Patrick Swayze in a rugged family man role though. If you have time, give it a watch on Tubi. But, don't take it too serious, and keep some snacks nearby!

The Monster Squad (1987):

The Monster Squad (1987):

“A young group of monster fanatics attempt to save their hometown from Count Dracula and his monsters.”

5 kids team up take on 5 classic monsters! As a kid, I thought the funniest scene in this movie was a kid kicking Wolfman in the “nards”. But, now I think my favorite scene is when some kid's dad shows up, and just shoots Dracula's vampire bat form! They spend all that time building up the kids, and the Dad just shoots Dracula!

Now, on to the plot. Van Helsing tried to rid the world of monsters 100 years ago, but the opening crawl says “They blew it.” So, now the monsters are in the 1980s US, wreaking havoc. Luckily, a kid who loves horror movies lives next to a German guy who can read Van Helsing's old book that will banish the monsters.

Some good monsters here. You got Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolfman, The Creature from The Black Lagoon, and The Mummy. The Mummy just unravels once a kid sticks his leg bandage to a stop sign with an arrow. Wolfman is just shot by a kid wearing a leather jacket, and of course Dracula is just shot by the kid's dad. Frankenstein teams up with the kids after befriending the little girl in the squad.

It's the little girl who reads the German magic spell. She's helped by the German guy. (Credited as “Scary German Guy”.) All in all, I liked this movie, and it was a pretty fun way to end spooky season. There's a lot of jokes that would probably be considered inappropriate for a kid's movie today, including a running gag where they have to ask one of the squad girls if she's a virgin.

But, if you turn your brain off, and remember it's “PG for the '80s”, it's a good time. I still couldn't help but wonder: If some of the monsters can just be shot, why did they need the magic? Oh, well. I guess that's the funniest part to me. It's free on YouTube. Give it a watch!

Lily C.A.T. (1987):

Lily C.A.T. (1987):

“The expendable crew of a corporate space vessel must stop a murderous shape-shifting alien organism that somehow got on board.”

“The corpses have disappeared, leaving everything - even their underwear – behind!” Dular says, after his crew members have been eaten by an alien virus. I mean, it is a good mystery, but probably ruined by early anime dubbing. All the dialogue sounds so choppy and fast as they struggle to sync their lip movements. Other than that, it's pretty much John Carpenter's The Thing mixed with the futuristic setting of Ridley Scott's Alien.

See, there's a cat brought on board by Nancy. Quickly, everyone around the cat dies, and there are reports of an alien virus getting through the air ducts. What's discovered later is that the virus was carried by the cat because humans are “expendable”. So, the Syncam Corporation (who owns the ship.) is probably just evil. Why else kill an experienced crew with a Computerized Animal-shaped Technological robot? (Cat, get it?)

Anyway, you should probably skip this one. But, but I did find it enjoyable in terms of action. The mystery is given away in the title. The choppy English dubbing is way too distracting, and the plot doesn't actually make much sense, other than they're trying to mix Alien and The Thing. Just enjoy the crew getting picked apart by the alien/C.A.T.

The 1980s were an ambitious time for Japanese anime, especially as it expanded overseas and took on American influences. It is at least enjoyable if you turn your brain off, and accept it as a relic of its own time. There are interesting ideas sci-fi discussed such as cryogenics, relativity, and how the crew only ages 1 year every 20 Earth years. But, these details never pan out to anything, and only a few members survive as it rushes to horrific ending.

ROBOCOP (1987):

ROBOCOP (1987):

“In a dystopic and crime-ridden Detroit, a terminally wounded cop returns to the force as a powerful cyborg haunted by submerged memories.”

When officer Alex Murphy gets his limbs blown off by drug dealers, OCP (Omni Consumer Products) rebuilds him in a robotic body. He takes his revenge against the criminals of Delta City a.k.a. Detroit. OCP buys the police force and attempts to persuade the public to let it take over the city. But, something is very wrong about this plan, and Robocop is on the case.

Murphy begins to rediscover his humanity after his righteous rampage, and catchy one-liners. (“Your move, creep.”) He soon discovers the drug dealers might not be all they appear to be, as he accesses more of his OCP directives. His directives are: 1.) Serve The Public Trust, 2.) Protect The Innocent, 3.) Uphold The Law, and a 4th forbidden directive.

Wonderful action, good mystery, and a theme of what it means to be human and use technology. This film is an absolute classic. I'd recommend it to anyone who isn't squeamish. It is ultra-violent. But, I feel like the violence here serves a greater purpose. Definitely give it a watch if you can. It's free on Tubi!

If PG-13 is more your style, check out my post on Robocop 3 here: https://bit.ly/3lULR7c.

Masters of the Universe (1987):

Masters of the Universe (1987):

"A life-action feature film based on the popular cartoon kids show about a prince turned warrior named He-Man."

Dolph Lundgren played a great He-Man. Great Skeletor, too. But, several other elements also make this film weird. Who insisted on the Orko knockoff? (Gwildor) Who OK'd a Back to The Future subplot? Great movie, but a little cheesy. I liked it, but you just have to accept its flaws as part of its charm. In honor of Masters of the Universe returning to Netflix today, I thought I'd reccommend it.