Broforce: Broforce Forever Update (2023):

Broforce: Broforce Forever Update (2023):

“The free update to the world's most patriotic video game is out now! New Bros! New Baddies! New Challenges! Play the entire campaign again. And again.”

Broforce added some new characters earlier last year. Let's talk about them. Broffy the Vampire Slayer is obviously Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Her special is holy water which can resurrect her if she dies. It also kills demons. But, since I never got to the levels inside Hell, it's not very useful; she throws wooden stakes instead of shooting. The resurrection aspect is neat.

Seth Brodell is Seth Brondell from The Fly. He vomits acid for his attack. The acid is pretty powerful, and can even kill bigger enemies like the Bruiser in one shot. Plus, he can fly for a little bit with a double-jump. He can use teleportation for his special, which is nice to zip around and clear up challenging spots.

Speaking of challenging, Demolition Bro is another Sylvester Stallone character, from Demolition Man. He throws bombs, but not like the McGyver bro, where it automatically just works. No, you have to attack once to throw the bomb, then attack again to detonate it. Thank goodness he's got a standard melee attack. His special's pretty good though: a bomb that freezes everyone around him.

Bro Gummer is Burt Gummer from Tremors. He's got a big high-powered sniper rifle with a nice kick. Honestly, he feels a little overpowered. His special is sniper mode. It's like Brobrocop's special targeting attack, letting you select and take out several enemies. Except Bro Gummer's is way more powerful.

Next up, we have Xebro, Warrior Princess (Xena: Warrior Princess.) She can attack with a sword like Brolander and Broheart. For her special, she throws her chakram. (Her steel boomerang thingy.) It kills everyone around her and returns to her. Also, as with the Mad Max Bro, you can collect multiples of their special attack items. So that's nice!

Desperabro is obviously Antonio Banderas's character from Desperado. He can make enemies dance, by playing the guitar if you stand still. His melee attack is his guitar. He shoots two shotguns. His special is to call in his buddies with a rocket launcher and a machine gun! He has a lot of ways he can be useful. I think he's my favorite of the new bunch.

Of course, Broforce is still fun to play. There were even some minor changes to classic characters like Bronoversial Soldier (Universal Soldier.) He now shoots rapid shots, and his special has been updated to not only a resurrection ability, but also now his special scares nearby enemies, which is helpful.

Well, I just wanted to talk about the new characters. Definitely, my least favorite of the new bunch is Demolition Bro. Which is unfortunate, because that's a great action movie. Regardless, it's still fun to blow everything up and run-and-gun everywhere. It's Broforce's thing. And that's why I can play Broforce: Forever...forever!

Broforce (2015):

Broforce is a pixelated run-and-gun that is an homage to American action movies. Each hero or "Bro" has their own weapons and special abilities. For example, Rambro (Rambo) can throw grenades, while Brommando (Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando) fires a rocket launcher with a special attack that fires three missiles. My favorite bro is probably the duo pair known as The Boondock Bros (Boondock Saints), because not only do they both have to be killed for you to lose a life, but their special ability is resurrection. That comes in handy because as you progress the game can get really hard.

You start off just blasting terrorists in the jungle, and rescuing Bros. The bro parody names are funny sometimes, but sometimes they don't even try. Bro Hard should be John BroClane for example. But, others are pretty funny like The Brofessional (The Professional) and Brobrocop (Robocop). Honestly, I just like blowing stuff up sometimes. Your goal is to get to the chopper at the end of each level. Except when you just have to kill a boss. Everything around you blows up or is destroyed when you shoot at it. Even that can be pretty fun.

The fun and humor of the game count for a lot. I never did get much farther than the later buzzsaw trap levels. But, the fast pace and ultra-masculine satirical humor of the game is enough to keep me trying. At the end of each level, you have to kill mini-Satan and raise the USA flag for the chopper to come. But, I see that on the last level, Satan turns into his final beast form and throws fireballs that take up the whole screen that you have to run from while shooting at him. Holy cow! Other levels include aliens and underground enemy bases.

You can also design your own levels in the level editor. Mix and match your enemies and power-ups! Create your own obstacles! Screw around and shoot everything. It's a good time.

Ultimately, I think Broforce has enough challenge and fun to make it infinitely replayable. Though some levels are definitely not my favorite, like the Rail Fortress boss. However, once you beat a level, it's always really satisfying to see everything blow up, and hear that victorious heavy metal guitar riff. Try playing Broforce anyway you can. It's a blast whether you're playing solo or with your bros!

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013):

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013):

“Brother/sister duo Hansel and Gretel are professional witch-hunters who help innocent villagers. One day they stumble upon a case that could hold the key to their past.”

Well, the word of the day is anachronism. This movie follows Hansel and Gretel as modern action heroes, who hunt down witches and somehow live in the 19th century fairytale world. One day, they stop the sheriff of Augsburg from executing a woman falsely accused of being a witch. They know because she doesn't look like one. Meanwhile, Hansel and Gretel set about trapping witches with audio recordings, and hunting them down with shotguns and machine guns.

Along the way, they find that one of the head witches, Muriel, has a secret plan to abduct children and become impervious to fire. Fire, in this world, is the only known way to kill a witch. Except when Hansel and Gretel are injured by Muriel's witches, they discover there are good witches who have access to healing and holy water. Including the woman they saved before, Adrianna. Hansel is saved by Adrianna and Gretel is saved by a troll named Edward.

Later, Muriel attacks the town itself to try to sacrifice children, and reveals the truth to Hansel and Gretel. Their mother was a good witch, and they abducted them because eating them would've made them invulnerable to good witch magic. So, Hansel and Gretel meet up with Adrianna, and storm the dark witch castle, armed with blessed machine gun crossbows, miniguns, shotguns, tripwires, and tasers. They attack right before the ritual can be performed, and mow them down with the blessed weapons.

Finally, Edward and Adrianna join the party, and the adventure draws to a close. I would recommend this movie if you have good snacks. It's definitely a popcorn flick, drawing heavily on the action-fairytale trope of the early 2010s like Jack The Giant Slayer, and Snow White and The Huntsman. But, it's free on Prime, so as long as you don't take it too seriously, it's a good time.

Demolition Man (1993):

Demolition Man (1993):

“A police officer is brought out of suspended animation in prison to pursue an old ultra-violent nemesis who is loose in a non-violent future society.”

Sylvester Stallone plays John Spartan, a hard-nosed cop who pursues Simon Phoenix, a crazy criminal. Now, after he burns down part of a crime-ridden LA, he and Phoenix end up in a non-violent future after being frozen. This leads to some pretty funny scenes. For example, the police can't apprehend Phoenix, and don't know what to do after he responds with an aggressive remark.

But also, John Spartan can't adjust to the future world, either. Swearing is outlawed, and he racks up fines for each curse word. He doesn't know that all restaurants are now Taco Bell, or that people wipe themselves with seashells now instead of toilet paper, so he has to use the curse fines as toilet paper. Sandra Bullock as Lenina Huxley helps him adjust to the future, but she keeps getting old expressions wrong. (i.e. “blow this guy” instead of blow him away.) That's all pretty funny.

Apart from the absurdist comedy of an action hero stuck in a pacified future, there's also some great action scenes. Phoenix kills a bunch of guards and museum goers after getting guns from a firearm exhibit. He and Spartan have a good shootout in the museum. Then, in a nod maybe to Terminator killing T-1000, Phoenix later shatters into pieces after being trapped by dry ice in a factory.

But, it turns out that Phoenix himself wasn't operating alone. He was being hypnotized by Dr. Cocteau, the founder of this supposed utopia. He was using him to assassinate Edgar Friendly (Dennis Leary), a rebel leader who lives underground and rejects society's rules. In this way, the film also touches on some social issues, such as censorship, just use of power, and the role of violence in peacekeeping. It's influenced by Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.

Overall, I'd recommend the film to anyone who likes sci-fi, absurdist comedy, and/or good action movies. I enjoyed it. Give it a watch on Hulu, if you get a chance. On the surface, it's a good shoot-em-up. But, it isn't afraid to make you laugh, or think. Truly, a modern sci-fi classic with a unique blend of comedy, action, and philosophy.

Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987):

Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987):

“The Man of Steel crusades for nuclear disarmament and meets Lex Luthor's latest creation, Nuclear Man.”

Look, you don't need me to tell you it's bad. There's giant plot holes, cheap sets, reused shots, and cartoony action scenes. And yet, in light of current tensions, I thought I'd still enjoy Superman throwing nukes into the sun. I was wrong. Very wrong. It's like they had one good idea...Superman throws nukes into the sun to try to achieve world peace. But, didn't think through the rest of it at all.

Lex Luthor busts out of prison and creates Nuclear Man from Superman's hair and the energy from the nukes thrown into space. Superman meanwhile, is trying to go on a double date as both Clark Kent and Superman. Nuclear Man crashes through buildings and says he'll “hurt people!” and “Destroy Superman!” He also talks like a caveman.

So, Superman does the logical thing, and fights Nuclear Man around the globe. In Italy, and China. He rebuilds the Great Wall with his eyes somehow, and stops a volcano by throwing a mountain into it (Why?), and freezing it with ice breath. Finally, he fights Nuclear Man on the moon, where Nuclear Man is shown to have less power, and still Superman gets pounded into the moon like a Looney Tunes character.

When the sun rises, Superman flies back and drops Nuclear Man into a nuclear containment facility after a short battle. He reasons that the sun must be the source of enemy's power. (Did he forget it's his too? Did he forget he has ice breath?) Meanwhile, in a goofy subplot, the Daily Planet almost turns into a tabloid that says Superman is dead. But, then is just bought by Perry White again, without Superman at all.

None of this makes sense. There are too many inconsistencies and plot holes. Superman is shown at one point to have radiation poisoning from Nuclear Man. That was kind of interesting. But, then how was he cured? I thought at least the fights might be cool, but instead it's Looney Tunes style bonks, and slap fights in space. I think the most Nuclear Man does is bonk Superman.

I like Christopher Reeve as Superman. He's a hopeful incarnation of the character I think we need back, in terms of style and body language. But, not like this. Not as a big goof flying around back and forth in re-used footage. I think they had one good idea. Superman trying to help the world. The rest is just idiotic. Do I need to say it? Skip this one.

Steel Dawn (1987):

Steel Dawn (1987):

“In a post-apocalyptic world, a warrior wandering through the desert comes upon a group of settlers who are being menaced by the leader of a murderous gang who's after the water they control.”

Patrick Swayze plays a nomad passing through looking for food and shelter in an apocalyptic wasteland. He finds a family, and then has to protect them from roving raiders as they make plans to irrigate the town with a freshwater source. It's pretty much sci-fi action Roadhouse (1989), except instead of protecting a bar, he's protecting a post-nuclear war town.

And not only is he pursued by would-be invaders, but also people from his past, as it's hinted at that the nomad used to be a soldier in the last great war. Kasha (his would-be hostess.) makes plans to irrigate the town with her water supply, but this is what brings back trouble from the nomad's past, an assassin named Sho.

Sho has some cool weapons, including swords and a signature knee-dagger. He also refuses to fight Swayze's nomad unfairly. (Which seems very sporting for a hired assassin.) Although I like Patrick Swayze, he constantly holds his sword the wrong way. It just bugged me. Also, he takes a liking to her kid, Jux, and builds a “wind-racer” with him (Sort of a sailed go-kart.) which eventually leads to one of the slowest chase scenes I've ever seen.

All in all, it's not Mad Max or Star Wars, but it is a fun little post-apocalyptic B-movie that's sure trying to be both. Some of the action scenes venture into comedy territory they look so bad. It is hard not to like Patrick Swayze in a rugged family man role though. If you have time, give it a watch on Tubi. But, don't take it too serious, and keep some snacks nearby!

Drive (2011):

Drive (2011):

“An action drama about a mysterious Hollywood stuntman and mechanic who moonlights as a getaway driver, and finds himself in trouble when he helps out his neighbor.”

Drive is about a stunt driver who secretly works as a getaway driver. However, he wants out, after a job to rob a pawn shop goes south. It threatens a family he cares about, which is the only peace in his life he has. The driving scenes are really calm and highlight the stabs of grotesque violence. It's almost artful in its deliberate mutilation such as headshots, bashed limbs, or heads.

Ryan Gosling does a good job playing a smooth criminal. He never really loses control, especially in the car. The car scenes are oddly peaceful. The most he'll ever be intense is when he's attacking, but other than that, he's collected. The synthwave soundtrack also adds to this serene feel, where you hear nothing but a soothing bassline until the action creeps in.

In the end, it's up to the driver to return his boss's stolen money, and save the people he cares about if he can. There's Shannon, (his stunt driving boss.) his maybe girlfriend Renie, and her son. Meanwhile, the unnamed driver has to fend off a mob boss's goons before he can return the money. If he can even get to him on time.

Speaking of time, if you have time, give this movie a watch. It's entrancing and almost hypnotic to watch. The soundtrack alone makes it a very cool experience. Were it not an action movie, it'd be relaxing. But, the action scenes are very well done too, they are very heavy, and give a sense of relief when the calm bits drag...then, it's full-throttle!

NOBODY (2021):

NOBODY (2021):

“A docile family man slowly reveals his true character after his house gets burgled by two petty thieves, which, coincidentally, leads him into a bloody war with a Russian crime boss.”

Bob Odenkirk vs. the Russian mob! The movie is about Hutch Mansell, an auditor with a few surprises. When his home is invaded by the Russian mob, and his daughter's kitty cat bracelet goes missing, all hell breaks loose as he defends them. Everything is used as a weapon, and the fight scenes are great. One heck of a ride!

One of the understated strengths of this film is Odenkirk's comedic chops, such as when he shouts at the first burglar to “GIVE ME THE KITTY CAT BRACELET...” or when he calmly walks into the Russian mob boss's club, eats dinner, watches the show, and then presents him with a landmine. Odenkirk has the ability to make very heavy action scenes very funny. Otherwise, it might just be a self-aware “John Wick” style movie, which certainly is how it was marketed...so I was surprised it was so funny!

I've talked before about how I hate the cliché of every assassin/fighter being “The Best”. But here, part of the joke is that he's so good, he just wants to be left alone to live a normal life. Early on, people pick on him, you see people don't respect him, but then that first fight scene with the mob on the bus kicks in, and by the end, the mobster is breathing through a straw.

I recommend this movie. It's got a nice action-comedy mix, and Hutch's transformation from auditor to beast is fun to see. It's definitely hyperviolent, but not without some big laughs. I had a blast. There's even a few high-profile cameos. Check it out on Hulu, if you can.

Starship Troopers (1997):

Starship Troopers (1997):

“Humans in a fascist, militaristic future wage war with giant alien bugs.”

Starship Troopers takes place on a world where Earth is united under a military dictatorship called the Federation. Despite this, this movie is more about the every day life of Johnny Rico and his friends as they work their way up the ranks. First military school, then bootcamp, then seeing action on Planet P, and then the Bug homeworld, Klendathu.

One of the first things that I thought was how much the world looks like Starcraft. That was an obvious inspiration. Second, how nonchalant Johnny and his friends (Carl, Carmen, and Dizzy.) are about military service. They take co-ed showers together, and they're talking about what field they're going to work in, instead of ogling. (Although there are romances, men and women advance equally.) One of Johnny's friends, Carl, gets into military intelligence, so they can partake in an invasion.

However, during training Johnny accidentally kills a squadmate, and wants to go home to Buenos Aires. But, the bugs send a meteor to blow up the city just after he calls his parents. So, Rico takes part in the invasion of Klendathu, after brown-nosing to a drill instructor. This is where the real battle and violence begin. Bombs, guns, people ripped apart. 100,000 dead by the end.

It turns out the Federation was ambushed by the bugs. They can anticipate human movements through the use of “Brain Bugs” that suck out marines' brains. Then, the movie turns into a quest to stop the Brain Bug, and Johnny takes over his old commander's squad, becoming “Rico's Roughnecks”. Overall, it's a good sci-fi action flick, with a good array of weapons, sci-fi tech, and good ship models.

The characters are relatable even under a military dictatorship. Each character has their own ambition, and relationships, ranks, and how they react to battle. Some of it is actually pretty funny, like when Johnny's psychic buddy gets his ferret to believe there's a grub on her leg, so it bugs her. But, the 2nd half is a bloodbath, as Johnny's squad evolves from schoolkids to full-blown soldiers. Boom! Check it out, if you can!

Robocop 2 (1990):

Robocop 2 (1990):

“RoboCop returns to protect the citizens of old Detroit but faces a deadly challenge when a rogue OCP member secretly creates a new, evil RoboCop 2.”

A new drug called Nuke is in the city, and Robocop has to take out the cult distributing it. The drug dealer turns out to be a kid, and he can't shoot him. When Robocop finally does track down the cult, he's dismembered and out-gunned. This leads to some silly scenes where they re-program Robocop to not be violent (Still not safe for kids!), police bad language, and smoking.

It's a pretty funny Robocop. A good mix of action-comedy. Meanwhile, scientists are creating a new Robocop program: Robocop 2. Unfortunately, the candidates are psychos and murders, not good citizens like Officer Alex Murphy. There's even a lot of debate over if he's company property, or an officer.

This is just good satire and action movie fun. Robocop unites the cops finally, but it's his human side that wins out. He's not just a company machine, and he has free will. It's a pretty fun watch, and ends with a pretty good shootout between Robocop and Robocop 2. Give it a watch, if you have time!

Read my review of Robocop 1 here: https://bit.ly/3A4alSn

Read my review of Robocop 3 here: https://bit.ly/3lULR7c

JUDGE DREDD (1995):

JUDGE DREDD (1995):

“In a dystopian future, Joseph Dredd, the most famous Judge (a police officer with instant field judiciary powers), is convicted for a crime he did not commit and must face his murderous counterpart.”

I totally forgot Rob Schneider was in this as a geeky hacker. Anyway, in the future, people live in oppressive cramped Mega Cities ruled by ruthless law enforcement called “Judges”. After stopping a “block war” in an exciting opening scene that shows off Dredd's “multi-purpose ammunition” (missiles, rapid fire, flare gun, grenade etc.) the movie slows to a crawl as Dredd is accused of a crime using DNA evidence.

Later, Rob Schneider's character and Dredd get shot down in a prison plane. They're kidnapped by cannibal cyborg yokels. This is just good action movie fun. After that, they escape and one of the Judges that sentenced Dredd tells him he's a clone. And also he has a brother, who was his ex-partner. He's also got a reprogrammed war robot. Pretty cool.

Dredd's psychotic clone/brother Rico (who looks nothing like Dredd.) plotted a revolution against the Judges, so he sentenced him. Now, Rico is trying to start a new generation of Judges that obey him, and his DNA (except it's also Dredd's...so how's that work?) If you can turn your brain off, it's a good pew-pew action movie.

Honestly, some of the technobabble hasn't aged well. Dredd gets most things to work by hitting them. Also, I just don't see how Rico's plan was bad, since they established that Judges are ruthless and corrupt. Don't think too hard on it, and it's fun. You just can't help but giggle when Judge Dredd shouts about the “LAW!” Overall, I'd say watch it with some snacks, don't expect it to make sense, and you'll have a good time.

RED NOTICE (2021):

RED NOTICE (2021):

"An Interpol agent tracks the world's most wanted art thief."

Red Notice is free on Netflix, so I figured why not? It's a pretty good action-heist flick. There's a police officer John Hartley (Dwayne Johnson), a conman Nolan Booth (Ryan Reynolds) and a thief called The Bishop. (Gal Gadot). Each one is trying to get the golden eggs of Cleopatra. Pretty formulaic structure here though.

John Hartley is trying to catch The Bishop and sets up the action scenes. Gal Gadot comes in and sets up the sexy/heist scenes. She's always one step ahead. Ryan Reynolds is comic relief who makes fun of Dwayne Johnson's character as he's fooled through Russia, Spain, Egypt, and other exotic locales. He really enjoys seeing Agent Hartley in a bind, and makes it harder for him at every turn.

It's not a bad movie, it's just a little formulaic. Ryan Reynolds is in full wise-cracking mode. You want Gal Gadot? Well, you get Gal Gadot: Sweet talk, and krav maga. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is as game as ever to bonk some heads, and not afraid to laugh at himself. Plus, there's a few surprises in store. If you can stomach the setups, watch this one...there's a couple big twists. No spoilers!

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

“In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a woman rebels against a tyrannical ruler in search for her homeland with the aid of a group of female prisoners, a psychotic worshiper, and a drifter named Max.”

Well, technically this is Mad Max 4. I love the Mad Max series. The Earth has been blown to a wasteland, and people have to overcome punks and warlords to survive. Honestly, this one isn't much different. Max has been captured by Immortan Joe's War Boys, and is being used as a “Blood Bag” strapped to the hood of a war car.

He's saved by Imperator Furiosa and her gang of warrior women. They're headed to a mythical “Green place” where the Earth can still grow. Furiosa and Max never really get along. But, that's just the world. Survival is everything, and they're all fighting not to be slaves.

Along the way they're pursued by Immortan Joe's commanders. The Bullet Farmer, The Doof Wagon, and of course the War Boys. They have their own car-based religion, and everything is based on the resources that Immortan Joe controls.

The car battles and chases are top-notch. Really, there's no point where this movie slows down. Everything is so strange and gruesome to look at, it really catches the eye. Whether it's the mask on Mad Max's face, or the flamethrower-guitar player on the Doof Wagon, or Furiosa's amputated arm, there's always amazing visuals, weapons, and stunts.

I'd recommend watching this one any way you can. It's high-speed, no mercy action! Mad Max is a good guy, but more in the anti-hero sense. Furiosa is the same, and gives it right back to Max (She calls him “Fool”.) But, they are still united in this adrenaline-driven war car world by their own need to fight for their freedom. If you wanna get the blood pumping, give it a watch!

Promising Young Woman (2020):

Promising Young Woman (2020):

“A young woman, traumatized by a tragic event in her past, seeks out vengeance against those who crossed her path.”

This is a pretty good revenge flick! What an emotional roller coaster. Carey Mulligan plays Cassie, a barista/hitwoman who spends her time killing scumbag guys who try to take advantage of drunk women. Her best friend was abused and killed at a drinking party. One day, while working at her coffee shop, she meets Ryan, who's a friend of Al Munroe, the guy that killed her friend Nina. She starts what appears to be a cutesy journal, but it's a hit-list of the people she needs to take down to get revenge.

Meanwhile, Cassie goes on a few dates with Ryan. She begins falling for him right as she's on the trail of Al's friend Madison. After trapping her with a drunk guy and giving him her hotel key, she finds out the party Al will be at for his wedding, and moves to strike. But, it turns out that Ryan has a disturbing old video on his phone that might be further evidence, and endanger their relationship.

This movie has a lot of twists and good action. But, it's also really funny. The humor is ironic, and it's a really deep mystery until the end. Because it's recent, I won't give spoilers. Each one of the deaths is satisfying, even when unexpected. A few people reform after meeting Cassie, but the ones that try to get away, you don't feel sorry for.

It's on HBO. If you have time, I recommend it. It's a well-paced revenge comedy with a few dark laughs thrown in. Each victim is fun to watch. Cassie's signature move is to act drunk, and then spring on the victim. So, that's always fun to watch. Yeah, if you have time, give it a watch. It's got plenty of surprises.

Lucy (2014):

Lucy (2014):

“A woman, accidentally caught in a dark deal, turns the tables on her captors and transforms into a merciless warrior evolved beyond human logic.”

I've wanted to talk about this movie for a long time. It's very good, even if its thesis rests on the 10% brain myth. That's just an excuse to give Lucy superpowers, have her talk about evolution, and philosophy. It's a very French action film, in that it introduces meaning-of-life-questions into a shoot-em-up. But, let's get to talking about it.

Average Lucy is going about her day as a tourist when she's kidnapped by Chinese gangsters and forced to ingest CPH4, a new drug. Meanwhile, Morgan Freeman plays Dr. Norman, who's giving a speech on evolution and the brain. While Lucy is expanding her brain, she finds that she can move objects, and heroically escapes her kidnappers, and gets to a hospital.

She can understand Chinese now, which isn't how the brain works at all, but, sci-fi. Turns out that while the drug is enhancing her body, it's also killing it, and evolving beyond the need for a body. All this is while the mafia and European authorities are after her. It's a race against time as Lucy guns down criminals and stops the authorities with her mind. Then, she has to fly to Paris, and meet Dr. Norman in 12 hours.

On the plane, she starts to transcend her physical body, and become little swirling, morphing bits, but with her powers, she remains corporeal. Once in Paris, she unlocks her final abilities, and builds a supercomputer to record her knowledge. Her last superpower is time travel, as time is the only thing connecting her to physical matter.

There's a lot to digest here in 89 minutes. we have time travel, psychic abilities, and even some evolutionary psychology, all wrapped in a fast-paced action movie. Scarlett Johansson's steely-eyed femme fatale presence does most of the dramatic heavy lifting as she evolves from ditzy tourist to omniscient god, and so does Morgan Freeman's authoritative voice.

I highly recommend this film. It's not really science, but it's great sci-fi action. It gives you some philosophy to think about, while also having stylish action. Watch it anyway you can! You at least won't be able to look away, since everything happens so fast.

PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (2008):

PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (2008):

“Frank Castle, known as the Punisher, ruthlessly demolishes organized crime, but it starts an even bigger war.”

Punisher goes against Jigsaw after he kills his don. Jigsaw was Billy The Beaut, and after Punisher shot up the place, his face ended up in a glass grinder and he becomes Jigsaw. He recruits his old criminal buddies, including “Loony Bin Jim” to take down Punisher. Meanwhile, Frank Castle himself expands his weaponry, finds more friends (Micro and Carlos.), and finds a family to protect.

I dunno. The gunfights were pretty good. Especially in the beginning. It won an award for best stunts in 2010! It's just that in terms of comic book movies, almost anything Batman pre-Dark Knight trilogy looks prehistoric. The whole plot point of Jigsaw being granted immunity because he has information on a terrorist attack seemed a little dated. It is nice though, to see lower stakes in a comic book movie after years of interconnected plots and cosmic enemies.

I will say for as gritty as this was, it wasn't without a sense of humor. Jigsaw in particular looks like he's having a blast. He sort of reminds me of Jack Nicholson Joker. A little more loud and goofy than modern villains. He'll get right up in your face and laugh at the good guys. Although, Punisher being the character he is, he's just sort of unmoved, and just stoically shoots, especially when he blows up the parkour gang boss with a rocket launcher...he's not impressed.

Overall, I'd say the movie was ok, but it reminds me of just a basic mob movie. If you removed the Marvel Comics element, it'd be indistinguishable from any action movie of the decade. Iron Man was just getting into gear though, so you can't really blame it at this time. Things like parkour and Homeland Security immunity unfortunately date it instantly. I'd say skip it, unless you're already a Punisher fan.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982):

CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982):

“Conan! What is best in life?”

“To crush your enemies. See them driven before you. And to hear the lamentations of their women.”

This is a classic sword and sorcery flick with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Conan's village is attacked, and then he becomes a slave, and then an arena fighter. He serves some time in armies, and then he meets a succubus who leads him to find Thulsa Doom, the snake cult leader responsible for his suffering. He finds a sword in a cave, and runs off to find him, and reclaim his kingdom.

Along the way, he meets friends like Valeria The Valkyrie, a wizard, and the archer Subotai. It's a pretty good adventure. Some of the action is pretty surreal. Conan is crucified at one point, and bites a vulture. Thulsa Doom turns into a snake. Good swordfights near the end. It even has some comedy. Like when Conan steals some robes to sneak into the snake cult, or plants his face in a bowl of mush.

Highly recommended for fantasy adventure lovers. Just keep in mind it's not PG-13. Worth a watch though to see Arnold tear through some bad guys before he was Terminator. This also means that when Conan speaks, it's usually a manly growl or an epic line! (See above quote!) Well, what are you waiting for? Go watch it however you can!

NINJA KNIGHT THUNDER FOX (1988):

NINJA KNIGHT THUNDER FOX (1988):

“A private detective uses her considerable martial arts skills to seek revenge after an organized crime syndicate murders her beloved sister.”

Another kung fu B-Movie that's only good if you have a good sense of humor. There's clearly two movies spliced together here. That's why our main characters never meet. One character is a detective named Brad. He has his office decorated in Coca-Cola signs and Sylvester Stallone posters to give you the impression he's in America, and not Hong Kong. His mission is to collect evidence that Bonnie's sister was kidnapped.

Now, Bonnie just kicks butt. Her sister was kidnapped, and she goes out to a bar, beats up all the goons with huge meat-slapping effects, and finds out where their base is. She then takes a motorbike and a harpoon, and just tears up the place. She even wears a Rambo-type headband. Though she has a hilarious habit of choking bad guys right after she demands: “Answer my questions! Where is she?”

You'd think that Bonnie would be the one to get magic ninja powers with all her skills. But, you'd be wrong. They gave the ninja magic to Brad. Who's on a completely different mission. Twice he transforms himself into a ninja, and starts backflipping and catching bullets. It's good stuff, if they could ever decide what weapons Brad actually uses. Some shots he has a sword, then a gun, then nothing.

Overall, it's pretty good for a cut-and-paste kung fu film. If anything, it's unintentionally funny. Bonnie's scenes are legitimately action-packed. Brad scenes have Halloween store ninja costumes and magic. It's free on Tubi, so I recommend it. Give it a watch if you can.

ROBOCOP (1987):

ROBOCOP (1987):

“In a dystopic and crime-ridden Detroit, a terminally wounded cop returns to the force as a powerful cyborg haunted by submerged memories.”

When officer Alex Murphy gets his limbs blown off by drug dealers, OCP (Omni Consumer Products) rebuilds him in a robotic body. He takes his revenge against the criminals of Delta City a.k.a. Detroit. OCP buys the police force and attempts to persuade the public to let it take over the city. But, something is very wrong about this plan, and Robocop is on the case.

Murphy begins to rediscover his humanity after his righteous rampage, and catchy one-liners. (“Your move, creep.”) He soon discovers the drug dealers might not be all they appear to be, as he accesses more of his OCP directives. His directives are: 1.) Serve The Public Trust, 2.) Protect The Innocent, 3.) Uphold The Law, and a 4th forbidden directive.

Wonderful action, good mystery, and a theme of what it means to be human and use technology. This film is an absolute classic. I'd recommend it to anyone who isn't squeamish. It is ultra-violent. But, I feel like the violence here serves a greater purpose. Definitely give it a watch if you can. It's free on Tubi!

If PG-13 is more your style, check out my post on Robocop 3 here: https://bit.ly/3lULR7c.

TURBO KID (2015):

TURBO KID (2015):

"In a post-apocalyptic wasteland in 1997, a comic book fan adopts the persona of his favourite hero to save his enthusiastic friend and fight a tyrannical overlord.”

I wanted to like Turbo Kid a lot more than I did. It's a deliberate parody/homage to apocalyptic sci-fi of the 1980s like Mad Max. With water being scarce and sucked out of humans by an evil corporation, it's even got heavy shades of Tank Girl. The problem is that none of the characters feel developed, despite a great 1980s atmosphere.

The main character, The Kid, feels bland and unmotivated. They give you an origin story right in the middle of the movie after he meets the big villain Zeus. There they explain that Zeus killed The Kid's mother. They should have led with that, and had it fuel his character, instead of introducing us to him as a shy comic book geek obsessed with Turbo Rider comics.

The only interesting character here is Apple. She wants to be Turbo Kid's friend, and teaches him how to fight and be a friend. They begin to care for each other. She's the heart of this movie. Literally, if they didn't have Apple, I would have no reason to care for this movie, because the main character is such a depressed geek loner.

That's the problem with this movie. It tries so hard to make you identify with Turbo Kid, that it forgets what kind of 1980s homage it's trying to be. Sweet romance scenes are immediately followed by splatterhouse gore. Action moments that should feel big, are only sold short because the same beats keep happening. Without spoiling, I'll say scenes with any heart are robbed of importance because they keep mishandling Apple: 4 times.

It'd maybe be different if Turbo Kid led with its apocalyptic revenge story. As it is, the movie tries to sell you on the idea that he's a comic book nerd who incidentally finds a laser-shooting glove. I get it, but the one who really carries the movie is Apple. She makes him go out, and make friends and adventure, instead of living life as a lone scavenger...and he never really grows out of that, except for when they show his origin story in the middle of the movie.

I love homage movies to the 1980s. The sets are cool, and invoke the time period. But, the action is too mixed, and I didn't really connect with any characters besides Apple, because she is the only one who values friendship, heart, and battle skills. The only thing Turbo Kid has is a laser glove, and a comic book obsession...which might be cool if that's what you like, but it doesn't drive the plot.

As much as I wanted to like the atmosphere, I just couldn't get over how mixed the movie was in message and tone. Is it a horror movie? A coming-of-age flick? An apocalyptic action movie? An adventure? Beyond saying “Here's an alternate 1980s!” the film doesn't really seem to care what it is, or what happens in it. It's free on Tubi, but I have to say skip this one.