Connected Hearts: Visual Novel (2017)

Connected Hearts: Visual Novel (2017):

“Gary is caught in a strange dream and now he must overcome the adversities on his path or perish in the attempt. In this adventure you will meet 3 children in dream-like scenarios, next to a mysterious girl who talks about a promise.” - IMDB, “Connected Hearts: Visual Novel”

So, I played Connected Hearts: Visual Novel. I mistakenly thought it would be a romance visual novel, but instead it's a surreal fantasy adventure. That said, the story is pretty good for the adventure story that it is. There are 2 drawbacks immediately though. One is that it's obviously translated from Russian, and there are a lot of typos, and phrases that repeat. (Get ready to read “I swallow saliva...” a lot. I'm guessing they meant gulp, which they actually write once; much to my relief.) But, I guess in the end, the surrealism of the adventure drew me in.

It starts like a romance visual novel. A guy named Gary dreams of a girl, but then discovers that he can travel between dream worlds. He can't wake up. So, each dream world has a child that you're supposed to protect from a dream world monster. You teach them about growing up, facing their fears, embracing their talents, etc. So, it's pretty solid, storywise. Let's get to the plots.

There are 4 dream worlds. The Forest of Whispers (misspelled as Wishpers, but not a dealbreaker.) was the first one I entered. There are wolves there that insult you, and look scary. If you run from them, you'll discover the first child, Mary. She's alone and scared and her cabin is all she knows of the world. You tell her to be brave, and enter a maze where you just keep going in circles.

You soon discover the wolves don't actually do anything. They just insult you. So, you guide Mary to the exit, having conquered your fears. The next world is the Kingdom of the Sun, where strange robot-like inhabitants wear masks and live in fear of people from the “real world”. Their king, Henry, is a talented young boy who built the kingdom from his mind. You have to convince him reality is worth facing. You can't just isolate yourself inside your fantasy.

After that, you escape his robot guards, and return to the dream world hub. The next story I chose was Into the Deep. In this one, a young boy called Royer is trapped on a boat with vicious mermen. Some of the decisions you have to make here to survive, like not hiding from the monster, and “throwing” your lead pipe at a Merman (Did they mean swing?) are all pretty good for the “face your fear” theme. But, I think this one was my least favorite. The robots in The Kingdom of The Sun were the coolest.

Having done all that, you can then visit Alice's Castle. Alice is the girl Gary sees in a dream at the start of the game. Here, you find notes about “Director Heart”, and psychological test subjects all demonstrating a particular phobia. I can guess that Alice created the “dream worlds” to trap Director Hearts' children. Her phobia is chronophobia, and the entire game has been about maturing and confronting fear. So far so good, translation issues aside.

This last bit is where the game loses me. After you confront Alice, she asks you if you remember a promise you made to her. You say no. She says to remember the promise, you have to dream again. Then, the game repeats! I can easily guess, based on her choronophobia, that the promise was never to grow up, or to stay with her forever, or something like that. Something antithetical to the game's theme of maturity and bravery. Maybe I'll finish the game later, but I'm not playing through the same game again right now just to get the “real ending”.

All in all, Connected Hearts: Visual Novel is a strong fable-like story, with a good central message, and vivid imagination that helps it through some of its shortcomings. I still think the title misleads you into thinking it's a romance novel, and not a surreal adventure to save the Heart children. I'll finish it eventually, and I do recommend it, but right now I need a break. There's only so many times I can read Russian-to-English typos, and the novelty of the fantasy story has sort of worn off. That said, I do reccommend at least one playthrough.

The typos weren't the dealbreaker. I'll come back to it. I guess I just don't like games that repeat. It just strikes me as padding out the game. Particularly, when they are full of scenes I just played through. It's exhausting. For now, I need a break. But, It's free on Steam. Check it out!

ROOSTER TEETH THOUGHTS:

ROOSTER TEETH THOUGHTS:

Rooster Teeth, the company that made RWBY, closed recently. I wanted to talk about it. I really only joined Rooster Teeth fandom around 2015. I was certainly aware of Rooster Teeth, because Red vs. Blue premiered in 2003, when I was in high school. But, that was before it had a plot, and it was just kind of friends messing around with HALO assets to make a comedy show. Things changed when Monty Oum was brought in. Monty Oum was a wunderkind animator.

He made things like Dead Fantasy and Haloid (HALO vs. Metroid). What made these shows work was always that they were kinda familiar, fast-paced, and action-packed. Dead Fantasy was Final Fantasy, but not really. Haloid was Metroid vs. HALO, but not really. Along with Monty Oum's focus on fast-paced rhythm-based action (with a background as a dancer.) Monty Oum's style of animation was ultimately a victory of re-branding that re-vitalized Rooster Teeth, and gave it direction.

Now, under Monty Oum, Red vs. Blue became an action show, where it was HALO, but not really. It had a plot and characters, and action scenes. After the success of HALO, but not really, Monty Oum was given the green light to develop RWBY, which was Final Fantasy 8, but not really. The costumes, weapons (Everything is a gunblade.), and plot were straight from the 1999 videogame, but not really.

Parts of media like Kingdom Hearts, fairytales, plus shows like Once Upon A Time and Snow White and The Huntsman can also be seen as influences on RWBY, with a color scheme and elaborate rhythm-based team battles, and attacks. Several fairytales had become public domain in 2012, which made them easy to adapt for the small business. RWBY's popular team-based color schemes allegedly came to Monty in a dream, probably from working on Red vs. Blue too much.

So, I joined right in the middle of all this, by watching RWBY. FF8 was my favorite Final Fantasy, so I picked up the plot immediately. I was all about RWBY for a good while. It was like revisiting one of my favorite games, with a fairytale twist, as was popular at the time. The success of RWBY was unprecedented, spawning a fandom. Unfortunately, Monty Oum fell into a coma in 2015 just before the completion of Season 3. (Seasons of RWBY are called Volumes, like fairytale books.)

Season 3 is widely considered the best Volume of RWBY, as it is a tournament arc featuring many different teams and battles, showcasing the fighting mechanics that made RWBY unique. Additionally, it would open up the world, going beyond locations visited in the previous volumes and introducing the second half of the plot with new villains and character development for Team RWBY. Perhaps most importantly, this meant that Volume 4 would be the first without Monty Oum, as his coma proved fatal.

Volume 4 introduced Salem, the new big bad villainess who was secretly controlling everything. The characters slowly discover that magic is real, and that they do in fact live in a fairytale-type world where they are to act as guardians for sacred relics, before Salem can get to them. This was an okay Volume. It's basically the second half of FF8, but at least it left you wondering what could happen.

Volume 5 splits up each individual member of Team RWBY to give them their own arcs. I understand the reasoning behind this, but I felt like they hadn't developed much as a team first. Yang recovers at home and then tries to find her mother, Ruby joins a new team, Weiss is imprisoned back at her home, and Blake takes a boat trip home to confront her misguided past.

At least they reunite by Volume 6's end. I hung in for all the new characters and villains. The writing on the wall for RWBY came, I think, by Volume 8...when COVID happened. It seemingly changed some direction of the show. Instead of the fast-paced action scenes, I felt like now we have cramped action that takes place in one static location, opting for flashes and bangs in place of dynamic movement, often resolved quickly by Ruby's eye powers or one big move, despite earlier establishing the series' love for gun kata (Kung Fu with guns.), and the characters' skills with their own unique weapons.

Also, earlier the series had made references to the fact that the Kingdom of Atlas was basically Germany. It combined its education and military, and chose a different side in the series' Great War. Even Weiss Schnee from Atlas uses a German name. So, the twist that Ironwood actually wanted to defend Atlas by himself by forsaking dust and the other Kingdoms, didn't shock me at all. If it was supposed to be shocking, it failed, since it was telegraphed all along if you know Final Fantasy and history. Final Fantasy is always setting up Magic vs. Technology.

Since the heroes use dust (magic), it's logical to me that the antithesis of that would be embodied in Ironwood, who favors militarism and technology. But, even this distracts from the main plot, which was supposed to be now defeating Salem. Although, I understand they were trying to create villains for every continent in the show's world, with Ironwood being the villain for Atlas. I was disappointed that they couldn't come together already to defeat Salem.

Time was running out. We were now at Volume 9 (2023), and they took a detour once again to The Ever After, a place where fairytales are real. Yang lost her mechanical arm and Ruby lost her weapon. Weiss keeps insisting there's no way they're in a fairytale. It's pretty much at this point where I watched, but lost my former interest. Magic and fairytales had already been proven real. Ruby had already proved herself as a leader. It was a neat visual detour, but there was no thematic reason to reset characters' motivations, other than that's all the writers knew to do absent the guidance of Monty Oum.

I will say I liked the inclusion of BMLB (A fan-created romance between Team RWBY members Yang and Blake.) being absolutely confirmed in this Volume. But, otherwise, it seemed to retread familiar ground, and reset characters' motivations. The Rooster Teeth merger with Warner Bros forced new projects to be focused on instead of the main show. On top of this, dramatic scandals rocked the once-seemingly benign company, including pay disputes and harassment charges. But, it ultimately survived.

I've already written about RWBY: Ice Queendom, the Japanese anime version of RWBY. In addition, Rooster Teeth focused on cross-over comics and movies with DC's Justice League, which again, while interesting both covered familiar grounds. By this point, if you didn't already like RWBY, you weren't going to watch another origin story and re-introduce the team. They staked everything on the success of RWBY and Batman, but Batman doesn't need RWBY.

You see, what made the show work was always that it was Final Fantasy, but not really. I say that as a fan of RWBY. It was not perfect, but it was the little animation studio that could. If you add Batman to it, or bigger more recognizable entities, in my view, it kills the idea that these characters were home-grown successes. Rooster Teeth had fans who had watched it grow from a small web animation studio, to become something original in spite of being a victory of re-branding Final Fantasy characters with twists. The merger with a giant corporation killed their home-grown success myth.

What will happen to RWBY now that Rooster Teeth is going under? I don't know. Probably, it will just move to a Warner Bros. Company. Maybe Cartoon Network will pick it up, or Crunchyroll. It was a wild ride while it lasted, Rooster Teeth. Everyone involved will probably just come back under a new company. I just hope they can finish RWBY's story, and give it a good ending.

SANTA CLAUS AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972)

SANTA CLAUS AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972)

“Santa's sleigh is stuck in the sand on a Florida beach only days before Christmas Eve. A group of children try to help.”

Tell me something. When you watch a movie called Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, do you expect to see Jack and The Beanstalk? No? Well, then, skip this movie, because that's what it is. Oh, sure. There's a good 20 mins of Santa getting stuck in Florida. But then, it's Jack and The Beanstalk for an hour, and then they wrap up with The Ice Cream Bunny saving Santa on a firetruck. What, is he gonna drive Santa to the airport?

Santa psychically calls for some children to help him. But, they all fail because they can't push the animals up to Santa's sleigh. Fearing the children are disheartened, Santa tells them all the story of Jack And The Beanstalk. Honestly, it's pretty basic stuff, with some musicals thrown in. If you were expecting a weird Christmas movie like I was, you'll be disappointed.

All the children sing terribly off-key even when dubbed over. Worse yet, they still include noises like Santa's workshop, and firetruck sirens over the kids' singing. The only good singer is the giant. He sings “Fee Fie Fo Fum” like an old opera singer. But then, the warbly low-budget 1970s audio ruins his spoken dialogue, which he always shouts at the top of his lungs. I get it, he's a giant, but spare me the microphone feedback.

In conclusion, skip this movie. Even if you just want a weird Christmas musical, this isn't it. It's Jack and The Beanstalk pretending to be a Christmas movie. It's like someone had a neat bunny costume, and wanted to put it in a movie, so they just crammed it into another movie. It's not even particularly weird. Just disappointing. It's free on Tubi, if you dare.

Bubble (2022):

Bubble (2022):

“Hibiki plummets into the sea but is saved by a girl with mysterious powers.”

Hibiki belongs to a parkour team in post-apocalyptic Tokyo after Tokyo becomes filled with bubbles and cut off from the rest of the world. His team is called the Blue Blazes, or BB. They battle other teams like the Under Takers, or The Mad Lobsters in this Capture The Flag parkour sport. One day, Hibiki falls into the ocean water while playing, and swears he sees a mermaid.

This mermaid is actually a feral girl who he names Uta, with a strange secret. She acts like a cat, and has a strange attraction to vortex patterns and The Little Mermaid fairytale. Stranger still, when she hums a tune, the bubbles react to her harmony. Later, she joins the parkour team and helps them defeat a technologically advanced team, The Under Takers, by using the bubbles as stepping stones.

The Under Takers want revenge, and so kidnap Makoto, one of the team members, and challenge BB to a death match. Just then, Uta starts to come apart literally. She's made of bubbles! The team and the morticians have to come find her as the world around them is ripped apart by a vortex of angry bubbles. And soon, Hibiki discovers Uta dissolving into seafoam, just like the mermaid in the story.

Bubble is a very peculiar anime. On one hand, it's a sports drama in post-apocalyptic Tokyo. On the other it's a romantic fairytale bursting at the seams with poetry about the transitory nature of existence, and how all things return back to their source: stars, water, plants, bodies, seashells. The vortex pattern is everywhere.

In particular, I liked that Bubble had good disability representation. Hibiki is shown as having some form of audio sensitivity. But, despite this, he can hear the song of the bubbles. In addition, his friend and mentor Shin has a prosthetic leg, which plays further into the theme of the body as transitory. But, does it add up to anything? Well, I suppose it depends if you like romance. If you do, I recommend this one. For me, personally, I say give it a watch on Netflix. If not for romance, then sci-fi sports action!

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013):

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013):

“Brother/sister duo Hansel and Gretel are professional witch-hunters who help innocent villagers. One day they stumble upon a case that could hold the key to their past.”

Well, the word of the day is anachronism. This movie follows Hansel and Gretel as modern action heroes, who hunt down witches and somehow live in the 19th century fairytale world. One day, they stop the sheriff of Augsburg from executing a woman falsely accused of being a witch. They know because she doesn't look like one. Meanwhile, Hansel and Gretel set about trapping witches with audio recordings, and hunting them down with shotguns and machine guns.

Along the way, they find that one of the head witches, Muriel, has a secret plan to abduct children and become impervious to fire. Fire, in this world, is the only known way to kill a witch. Except when Hansel and Gretel are injured by Muriel's witches, they discover there are good witches who have access to healing and holy water. Including the woman they saved before, Adrianna. Hansel is saved by Adrianna and Gretel is saved by a troll named Edward.

Later, Muriel attacks the town itself to try to sacrifice children, and reveals the truth to Hansel and Gretel. Their mother was a good witch, and they abducted them because eating them would've made them invulnerable to good witch magic. So, Hansel and Gretel meet up with Adrianna, and storm the dark witch castle, armed with blessed machine gun crossbows, miniguns, shotguns, tripwires, and tasers. They attack right before the ritual can be performed, and mow them down with the blessed weapons.

Finally, Edward and Adrianna join the party, and the adventure draws to a close. I would recommend this movie if you have good snacks. It's definitely a popcorn flick, drawing heavily on the action-fairytale trope of the early 2010s like Jack The Giant Slayer, and Snow White and The Huntsman. But, it's free on Prime, so as long as you don't take it too seriously, it's a good time.

Return to Oz (1985):

Return to Oz (1985):

“Dorothy, saved from a psychiatric experiment by a mysterious girl, is somehow called back to Oz when a vain witch and the Nome King destroy everything that makes the magical land beautiful.”

Return to Oz is some dark and crazy stuff. I almost forgot it was a Disney movie. Back on the farm, Dorothy finds a key to Oz. But, her parents still don't believe she ever went there. So, they commit her to a mental hospital, where she's going to be subjected to electroshock therapy. But, after a storm, she escapes with a friend and a chicken named Billina.

Some of the character design is really wacky and twisted. For example, everyone in Emerald City has been turned to stone, and Wheelers (humanoid punk monsters with wheels for limbs.) dominate the landscape. The Yellow Brick Road is destroyed. The whole movie has a desolate, strange, and uncanny feeling.

Characters Dorothy has as companions are Tik-tok, (a clockwork man.) Billina the chicken, Jack Pumpkinhead, and The Gump, who is a mounted deer head on a flying sofa. Mombi has taken over Oz. She can remove her head, and replace it with any head she takes, which is pretty creepy. On top of Mombi, there's another new enemy. He calls himself The Nome King.

The Nome King is made of stone and hates chickens, for reasons that aren't revealed til later. He claims all the jewels in Oz, so he turned Emerald City to stone. He also likes riddles and games. If Dorothy can pick which objects he turned her friends into, she can leave. But, of course, it isn't that easy. There's always a twist.

Overall, I liked all the weird enemies and companions. I think if I were a kid the movie would've freaked me out. But, I liked the weirdness of it all. Especially Tik-tok and The Nome King. It's rated PG, but that still kind of surprises me. If you're in the mood for a twisted fairytale, give it a watch on Disney+!