Stupid Zombies (2013):

Stupid Zombies (2013):

“A man, a shotgun and a bunch of zombies. You're humanity's last hope, and it's your job to keep them in line. Adjust your shots and angles, and watch your bullets bounce from wall to wall, elegantly cutting off the arms and limbs of each zombie.”

Stupid Zombies is one of those time-waster puzzle games where you clear each stage by aiming and shooting until all the enemies are gone. Each puzzle gets harder as you progress. It's like Angry Birds, but with zombies and monsters. The main character is stationery, and you take out all the enemies as best you can.

You have different ammo, different obstacles, and different monsters as you continue. For example, one level you might have bomb ammo, bouncing ammo, or there might be boxes or glass in the way of the monsters. Some levels have traps you can activate like exploding barrels or crates that can eliminate zombies. But, no good Angry Birds-clone is complete without microtransactions (a.k.a. pay-to-win.) and star rankings.

Each Stage has 360 levels. You can unlock 4 stages. You unlock stages by getting a certain score (Up to 3 stars each.) on each level depending on how good you did. Each has their own unique settings and traps, but are essentially difficulty settings. So, Stage 1 is relatively Easy, Stage 2 is Normal, Stage 3 is Hard, and Stage 4 is Expert.

You can, of course, just pay for airstrikes that automatically clear a level. A pay-to-clear attack is a grand tradition of Free-To-Play Angry Birds clones. But, I'm not doing that. I like my Free-To-Play games to actually be free. So, in conclusion, it's Angry Birds with zombies. It won't win awards, but it's a fun, mostly free way to waste time. Check it out!

Broforce: Broforce Forever Update (2023):

Broforce: Broforce Forever Update (2023):

“The free update to the world's most patriotic video game is out now! New Bros! New Baddies! New Challenges! Play the entire campaign again. And again.”

Broforce added some new characters earlier last year. Let's talk about them. Broffy the Vampire Slayer is obviously Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Her special is holy water which can resurrect her if she dies. It also kills demons. But, since I never got to the levels inside Hell, it's not very useful; she throws wooden stakes instead of shooting. The resurrection aspect is neat.

Seth Brodell is Seth Brondell from The Fly. He vomits acid for his attack. The acid is pretty powerful, and can even kill bigger enemies like the Bruiser in one shot. Plus, he can fly for a little bit with a double-jump. He can use teleportation for his special, which is nice to zip around and clear up challenging spots.

Speaking of challenging, Demolition Bro is another Sylvester Stallone character, from Demolition Man. He throws bombs, but not like the McGyver bro, where it automatically just works. No, you have to attack once to throw the bomb, then attack again to detonate it. Thank goodness he's got a standard melee attack. His special's pretty good though: a bomb that freezes everyone around him.

Bro Gummer is Burt Gummer from Tremors. He's got a big high-powered sniper rifle with a nice kick. Honestly, he feels a little overpowered. His special is sniper mode. It's like Brobrocop's special targeting attack, letting you select and take out several enemies. Except Bro Gummer's is way more powerful.

Next up, we have Xebro, Warrior Princess (Xena: Warrior Princess.) She can attack with a sword like Brolander and Broheart. For her special, she throws her chakram. (Her steel boomerang thingy.) It kills everyone around her and returns to her. Also, as with the Mad Max Bro, you can collect multiples of their special attack items. So that's nice!

Desperabro is obviously Antonio Banderas's character from Desperado. He can make enemies dance, by playing the guitar if you stand still. His melee attack is his guitar. He shoots two shotguns. His special is to call in his buddies with a rocket launcher and a machine gun! He has a lot of ways he can be useful. I think he's my favorite of the new bunch.

Of course, Broforce is still fun to play. There were even some minor changes to classic characters like Bronoversial Soldier (Universal Soldier.) He now shoots rapid shots, and his special has been updated to not only a resurrection ability, but also now his special scares nearby enemies, which is helpful.

Well, I just wanted to talk about the new characters. Definitely, my least favorite of the new bunch is Demolition Bro. Which is unfortunate, because that's a great action movie. Regardless, it's still fun to blow everything up and run-and-gun everywhere. It's Broforce's thing. And that's why I can play Broforce: Forever...forever!

Broforce (2015):

Broforce is a pixelated run-and-gun that is an homage to American action movies. Each hero or "Bro" has their own weapons and special abilities. For example, Rambro (Rambo) can throw grenades, while Brommando (Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando) fires a rocket launcher with a special attack that fires three missiles. My favorite bro is probably the duo pair known as The Boondock Bros (Boondock Saints), because not only do they both have to be killed for you to lose a life, but their special ability is resurrection. That comes in handy because as you progress the game can get really hard.

You start off just blasting terrorists in the jungle, and rescuing Bros. The bro parody names are funny sometimes, but sometimes they don't even try. Bro Hard should be John BroClane for example. But, others are pretty funny like The Brofessional (The Professional) and Brobrocop (Robocop). Honestly, I just like blowing stuff up sometimes. Your goal is to get to the chopper at the end of each level. Except when you just have to kill a boss. Everything around you blows up or is destroyed when you shoot at it. Even that can be pretty fun.

The fun and humor of the game count for a lot. I never did get much farther than the later buzzsaw trap levels. But, the fast pace and ultra-masculine satirical humor of the game is enough to keep me trying. At the end of each level, you have to kill mini-Satan and raise the USA flag for the chopper to come. But, I see that on the last level, Satan turns into his final beast form and throws fireballs that take up the whole screen that you have to run from while shooting at him. Holy cow! Other levels include aliens and underground enemy bases.

You can also design your own levels in the level editor. Mix and match your enemies and power-ups! Create your own obstacles! Screw around and shoot everything. It's a good time.

Ultimately, I think Broforce has enough challenge and fun to make it infinitely replayable. Though some levels are definitely not my favorite, like the Rail Fortress boss. However, once you beat a level, it's always really satisfying to see everything blow up, and hear that victorious heavy metal guitar riff. Try playing Broforce anyway you can. It's a blast whether you're playing solo or with your bros!

NOBODY (2021):

NOBODY (2021):

“A docile family man slowly reveals his true character after his house gets burgled by two petty thieves, which, coincidentally, leads him into a bloody war with a Russian crime boss.”

Bob Odenkirk vs. the Russian mob! The movie is about Hutch Mansell, an auditor with a few surprises. When his home is invaded by the Russian mob, and his daughter's kitty cat bracelet goes missing, all hell breaks loose as he defends them. Everything is used as a weapon, and the fight scenes are great. One heck of a ride!

One of the understated strengths of this film is Odenkirk's comedic chops, such as when he shouts at the first burglar to “GIVE ME THE KITTY CAT BRACELET...” or when he calmly walks into the Russian mob boss's club, eats dinner, watches the show, and then presents him with a landmine. Odenkirk has the ability to make very heavy action scenes very funny. Otherwise, it might just be a self-aware “John Wick” style movie, which certainly is how it was marketed...so I was surprised it was so funny!

I've talked before about how I hate the cliché of every assassin/fighter being “The Best”. But here, part of the joke is that he's so good, he just wants to be left alone to live a normal life. Early on, people pick on him, you see people don't respect him, but then that first fight scene with the mob on the bus kicks in, and by the end, the mobster is breathing through a straw.

I recommend this movie. It's got a nice action-comedy mix, and Hutch's transformation from auditor to beast is fun to see. It's definitely hyperviolent, but not without some big laughs. I had a blast. There's even a few high-profile cameos. Check it out on Hulu, if you can.

JUDGE DREDD (1995):

JUDGE DREDD (1995):

“In a dystopian future, Joseph Dredd, the most famous Judge (a police officer with instant field judiciary powers), is convicted for a crime he did not commit and must face his murderous counterpart.”

I totally forgot Rob Schneider was in this as a geeky hacker. Anyway, in the future, people live in oppressive cramped Mega Cities ruled by ruthless law enforcement called “Judges”. After stopping a “block war” in an exciting opening scene that shows off Dredd's “multi-purpose ammunition” (missiles, rapid fire, flare gun, grenade etc.) the movie slows to a crawl as Dredd is accused of a crime using DNA evidence.

Later, Rob Schneider's character and Dredd get shot down in a prison plane. They're kidnapped by cannibal cyborg yokels. This is just good action movie fun. After that, they escape and one of the Judges that sentenced Dredd tells him he's a clone. And also he has a brother, who was his ex-partner. He's also got a reprogrammed war robot. Pretty cool.

Dredd's psychotic clone/brother Rico (who looks nothing like Dredd.) plotted a revolution against the Judges, so he sentenced him. Now, Rico is trying to start a new generation of Judges that obey him, and his DNA (except it's also Dredd's...so how's that work?) If you can turn your brain off, it's a good pew-pew action movie.

Honestly, some of the technobabble hasn't aged well. Dredd gets most things to work by hitting them. Also, I just don't see how Rico's plan was bad, since they established that Judges are ruthless and corrupt. Don't think too hard on it, and it's fun. You just can't help but giggle when Judge Dredd shouts about the “LAW!” Overall, I'd say watch it with some snacks, don't expect it to make sense, and you'll have a good time.

RED NOTICE (2021):

RED NOTICE (2021):

"An Interpol agent tracks the world's most wanted art thief."

Red Notice is free on Netflix, so I figured why not? It's a pretty good action-heist flick. There's a police officer John Hartley (Dwayne Johnson), a conman Nolan Booth (Ryan Reynolds) and a thief called The Bishop. (Gal Gadot). Each one is trying to get the golden eggs of Cleopatra. Pretty formulaic structure here though.

John Hartley is trying to catch The Bishop and sets up the action scenes. Gal Gadot comes in and sets up the sexy/heist scenes. She's always one step ahead. Ryan Reynolds is comic relief who makes fun of Dwayne Johnson's character as he's fooled through Russia, Spain, Egypt, and other exotic locales. He really enjoys seeing Agent Hartley in a bind, and makes it harder for him at every turn.

It's not a bad movie, it's just a little formulaic. Ryan Reynolds is in full wise-cracking mode. You want Gal Gadot? Well, you get Gal Gadot: Sweet talk, and krav maga. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is as game as ever to bonk some heads, and not afraid to laugh at himself. Plus, there's a few surprises in store. If you can stomach the setups, watch this one...there's a couple big twists. No spoilers!

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

“In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a woman rebels against a tyrannical ruler in search for her homeland with the aid of a group of female prisoners, a psychotic worshiper, and a drifter named Max.”

Well, technically this is Mad Max 4. I love the Mad Max series. The Earth has been blown to a wasteland, and people have to overcome punks and warlords to survive. Honestly, this one isn't much different. Max has been captured by Immortan Joe's War Boys, and is being used as a “Blood Bag” strapped to the hood of a war car.

He's saved by Imperator Furiosa and her gang of warrior women. They're headed to a mythical “Green place” where the Earth can still grow. Furiosa and Max never really get along. But, that's just the world. Survival is everything, and they're all fighting not to be slaves.

Along the way they're pursued by Immortan Joe's commanders. The Bullet Farmer, The Doof Wagon, and of course the War Boys. They have their own car-based religion, and everything is based on the resources that Immortan Joe controls.

The car battles and chases are top-notch. Really, there's no point where this movie slows down. Everything is so strange and gruesome to look at, it really catches the eye. Whether it's the mask on Mad Max's face, or the flamethrower-guitar player on the Doof Wagon, or Furiosa's amputated arm, there's always amazing visuals, weapons, and stunts.

I'd recommend watching this one any way you can. It's high-speed, no mercy action! Mad Max is a good guy, but more in the anti-hero sense. Furiosa is the same, and gives it right back to Max (She calls him “Fool”.) But, they are still united in this adrenaline-driven war car world by their own need to fight for their freedom. If you wanna get the blood pumping, give it a watch!

Lucy (2014):

Lucy (2014):

“A woman, accidentally caught in a dark deal, turns the tables on her captors and transforms into a merciless warrior evolved beyond human logic.”

I've wanted to talk about this movie for a long time. It's very good, even if its thesis rests on the 10% brain myth. That's just an excuse to give Lucy superpowers, have her talk about evolution, and philosophy. It's a very French action film, in that it introduces meaning-of-life-questions into a shoot-em-up. But, let's get to talking about it.

Average Lucy is going about her day as a tourist when she's kidnapped by Chinese gangsters and forced to ingest CPH4, a new drug. Meanwhile, Morgan Freeman plays Dr. Norman, who's giving a speech on evolution and the brain. While Lucy is expanding her brain, she finds that she can move objects, and heroically escapes her kidnappers, and gets to a hospital.

She can understand Chinese now, which isn't how the brain works at all, but, sci-fi. Turns out that while the drug is enhancing her body, it's also killing it, and evolving beyond the need for a body. All this is while the mafia and European authorities are after her. It's a race against time as Lucy guns down criminals and stops the authorities with her mind. Then, she has to fly to Paris, and meet Dr. Norman in 12 hours.

On the plane, she starts to transcend her physical body, and become little swirling, morphing bits, but with her powers, she remains corporeal. Once in Paris, she unlocks her final abilities, and builds a supercomputer to record her knowledge. Her last superpower is time travel, as time is the only thing connecting her to physical matter.

There's a lot to digest here in 89 minutes. we have time travel, psychic abilities, and even some evolutionary psychology, all wrapped in a fast-paced action movie. Scarlett Johansson's steely-eyed femme fatale presence does most of the dramatic heavy lifting as she evolves from ditzy tourist to omniscient god, and so does Morgan Freeman's authoritative voice.

I highly recommend this film. It's not really science, but it's great sci-fi action. It gives you some philosophy to think about, while also having stylish action. Watch it anyway you can! You at least won't be able to look away, since everything happens so fast.

PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (2008):

PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (2008):

“Frank Castle, known as the Punisher, ruthlessly demolishes organized crime, but it starts an even bigger war.”

Punisher goes against Jigsaw after he kills his don. Jigsaw was Billy The Beaut, and after Punisher shot up the place, his face ended up in a glass grinder and he becomes Jigsaw. He recruits his old criminal buddies, including “Loony Bin Jim” to take down Punisher. Meanwhile, Frank Castle himself expands his weaponry, finds more friends (Micro and Carlos.), and finds a family to protect.

I dunno. The gunfights were pretty good. Especially in the beginning. It won an award for best stunts in 2010! It's just that in terms of comic book movies, almost anything Batman pre-Dark Knight trilogy looks prehistoric. The whole plot point of Jigsaw being granted immunity because he has information on a terrorist attack seemed a little dated. It is nice though, to see lower stakes in a comic book movie after years of interconnected plots and cosmic enemies.

I will say for as gritty as this was, it wasn't without a sense of humor. Jigsaw in particular looks like he's having a blast. He sort of reminds me of Jack Nicholson Joker. A little more loud and goofy than modern villains. He'll get right up in your face and laugh at the good guys. Although, Punisher being the character he is, he's just sort of unmoved, and just stoically shoots, especially when he blows up the parkour gang boss with a rocket launcher...he's not impressed.

Overall, I'd say the movie was ok, but it reminds me of just a basic mob movie. If you removed the Marvel Comics element, it'd be indistinguishable from any action movie of the decade. Iron Man was just getting into gear though, so you can't really blame it at this time. Things like parkour and Homeland Security immunity unfortunately date it instantly. I'd say skip it, unless you're already a Punisher fan.

THE TERMINATOR (1984):

THE TERMINATOR (1984):

“A human soldier is sent from 2029 to 1984 to stop an almost indestructible cyborg killing machine, sent from the same year, which has been programmed to execute a young woman whose unborn son is the key to humanity's future salvation.”

The Terminator is one of the greatest sci-fi action films of all time, mostly thanks to Arnold Schwarzenegger as the killer robot. Kyle Reese is sent to protect Sarah Connor from his rampage. And the cyborg doesn't spare anybody. He shoots up punks, anyone named Sarah Connor, cops, and even tracks Sarah down to a hotel where she thinks she can be safe. But, she's not, because the Terminator will never stop until she's gone.

Time travel shenanigans ensue though here. You see, if Kyle Reese wasn't sent back from 2029, then the leader of his resistance wouldn't be born. It doesn't really work out. But, oh well, the action is good. Plus, it gave us the greatest sequel of all time, Terminator 2: Judgment Day. The cyborg comes back to protect John Connor, who will lead the resistance against the robots.

If there's one thing that dates this film, it's not just the robot puppets, it's the fear of machines and computers. I wonder if a film like Terminator would be as effective today. But, Arnold Schwarzenegger makes such a good monster killing machine that it's hard to look away. Definitely watch it, but for the great action scenes. Everything else is kind of stuck in time. But, I like that.

FREE FIRE (2016):

FREE FIRE (2016):

“Set in Boston in 1978, a meeting in a deserted warehouse between two gangs turns into a shootout and a game of survival.”

When an arms deal goes wrong, the movie turns into a shootout. It doesn't slow down. One of the gang members realizes another gang member beat him up the day before, and that the gangs supplied the wrong weapons. From there, all hell breaks loose, and they start shooting. Chris is one group leader. Ord is the other guy, played by Armie Hammer.

Brie Larson plays Justine, an intermediary between both groups, and Chris's girlfriend. But, she holds her own too in the shootout. The entire movie is a giant shoot out in the warehouse. Everyone has their own team to protect. Nearly each character has a secret backstory or agenda. Who will survive?

Pretty exciting action movie stuff. It has a nicely contained '70s crime plot, plenty of guns, and lots of stylish violence. If you're in the mood for a shoot-em-up with a good runtime, I'd say check it out. Great mystery too. It's free on Netflix.