Orion Trail (2015):

Orion Trail (2015):

“Dare to travel the absurd and dangerous Orion Trail, where only the luckiest, bravest, and most stubborn captains will make it all the way to the end. Become famously incredible or incredibly dead in this single player choose-your-own-space-adventure!”

The Star Trek parody game that mixes Oregon Trail with board games, and...well, Oregon Trail mechanics. The name of the game here is funny stuff happening. You start off by selecting 4 crew members (Officers) who will influence your stats (Diplomacy, Bravado, Tactics, Science, and Attack.) From there the game takes on resource management mechanics (Crew, food, fuel, and hull.) and works like a board game.

Each space you “move” takes fuel and food. Sometimes you'll have random encounters that will add or take away skills and resources (Lost your lucky underwear -1 Bravado. Took a martial arts class +1 attack, etc.) The meat of the game however is funny encounters when you get to planets. Whether it's dealing with annoying party aliens or the villainous “Underbaker”. Each scenario gives you a choice of how to proceed, with each solution using a stat.

For example, if you're dealing with the Underbaker, the attack solution is to blast him. The dialogue solution is to get him to cut a deal with you, the tactical solution is to get him talking, and disable his bakery, and the bravado solution is to steal his chef hat. Each one of these then turns into a probability out of 10. So, if you have 6 bravado, or whatever, 6 squares will be ok, 2 will be failure 1 will be complete failure and another will be complete success. Of course, the higher your stats, the more chances you have for success.

So, the game is all resource management and probability with comedy mixed in. Some of the events parody Star Trek directly like evil clone planets, and some parody other elements like Rogue AI, or a planet full of Michael Jackson Thriller zombies. Willy Wonka's factory and giant space malls are also part of it. Just make sure not to get lost in the giant space mall.

The goal of the game is to reach the space station at the end, where you receive your title based on how many successes or failures you had, and what stats you most used. For example, mostly successes will earn you the adjective “Admirable ____” So, if you used bravado, you'd be “Admirable Rule-Breaker”. Or “Unfortunate Scientist” if you used mostly science and got failures.

There are 6 missions (boards) to use, each one harder and longer than the next. I mostly like this game, since the emphasis is on probability and funny stuff rather than skill. I can always have a good time, even if my resources run out and we all die, at least it'll be funny. The same stuff kind of happens on every board, you get used to it after a while. But, there's enough random elements to keep me coming back. Check it out!

What Is A Visual Novel?

What Is A Visual Novel?:

“As a genre, "visual novel" is not defined by a mechanic or an aesthetic, but rather a distinctive presentation: VNs focus on presenting a text-based story using click-through text boxes, accompanied with static character graphics, and usually feature little to no actual gameplay.”– TVTropes.com

What is a visual novel? I guess the best way to describe a visual novel is like a virtual book that you read and occasionally make choices in that effect the story. But, then things get a little more specific. For example, many fighting games have “story modes”, which have larger plots connected to each character through a series of fights. Also, many role-playing games have story elements.

The main difference is that a visual novel is told mostly through text like a book instead of graphics. There can be graphics, but the story isn't told through the graphics, necessarily. But, then it gets even more complicated when you mix genres like fighting game-visual novels. The story is mostly text, and player decisions effect the plot, with an added fighting game mechanic.

This difference between “story mode” in most fighting games vs. fighting game-visual novels is mostly about how player decisions effect the plot. For example, if you lose fights in a traditional fighting game, you can't progress. The fights are the main game. In fighting game visual novels, losing a fight would effect the outcome, but the story text would continue. The text is the main mechanic, not the fight.

Then, you have kinetic novels, where there is no game at all. No choices are made by the player. It's a book in videogame format. You read it. There are no multiple endings, and there are no side mechanics. I don't really play visual novels that don't have gameplay. I like to make choices.

I just wanted to make this post because I've been posting about visual novels. And I realize that not everyone knows what they are. My favorites are Katawa Shoujo and short comedies like Leave Mr. Bear Alone. But, even some games like Blazblue, a story-heavy fighting game, have visual novel modes that are pretty fun. Like books, they can be any genre, not just dating games. If you have time today, look for a visual novel on Steam. You'll find something you like!

Delicious In Dungeon (2024):

Delicious In Dungeon (2024):

“Can sisters be reincarnated from dragon poop? Laios and his friends Marcille and Chilchuck delve into an endless dungeon in search of his fallen sister, fighting monsters, starvation, and corruption.”

Delicious in Dungeon is a kawaii (cute.) little fantasy/cooking anime about a party of adventurers trying to save their friend from the belly of a dragon while also learning about how to cook monsters. First, there's Laios, the fighter. Then, Marcille, the Elvish wizard girl, and then Chilchuck, the pick-lock. Along the way, they meet a master chef dwarf named Senshi who helps them cook and eat monsters.

Each episode is about what monster they cook and how. First, it's walking mushrooms and scorpions, then man-eating plants, then basilisk, among others. (A basilisk is like a chicken-dragon thing.) Then, they discover they can make BBQ from the oil in some of the fire traps in the dungeon. Yes, they are pretend monsters, but the food still looks good, and it's pretty funny.

A lot of the comedy comes from seeing the characters interact. Marcille is really funny, because she is a picky eater, and wants to use magic to solve everything. She's kind of a take-off on the haughty elf trope. She's always freaking out. She's usually the first to say whatever the dwarf has in mind to cook is disgusting.

The leader of the party is Laios. He's a little weird. He wants to eat everything. He's oddly fixated on monsters, and eating monsters. He's even figured out how to eat living armor by cracking it open like lobster and cooking the creatures inside. Senshi helped. This means he's Senshi's best friend.

Senshi is the dwarf/master chef. He's there to cook all the monsters, and teach real cooking techniques. For example, drying out giant slimes before you eat them to make jelly, or taking the tails and venom from giant scorpions to make a nice hotpot. His dream is to cook a Red Dragon.

Chilchuck is a rogue character. He specializes in picking locks and disarming traps. He's a consummate professional. He doesn't know a lot about cooking, but step aside and let him do his job when you need traps disarmed or locks picked. Not a picky eater, but argues with Senshi if he gets in the way of his job.

Overall, it's a nice and funny anime with good-looking food. It may be fantasy, but it'll still make you hungry. The obsessive characters like Laios are basically there to remind you it's a little weird, but it is comical. It's fun to see what they'll cook up next and how. Can't wait 'til they cook that Red Dragon and save their companion! Give it a watch on Netflix!

Leave Mr. Bear Alone (2023):

Leave Mr. Bear Alone (2023):

“A Visual Novel about a bear that kinda just wants to be left alone.”

Leave Mr. Bear Alone is a funny visual novel designed by one guy. It's a short one. Reportedly, it's 500 words. The only way to win is to leave Mr. Bear alone. But, the catch is to read more of the story, you have to follow Mr. Bear. So, he gets more and more annoyed, until you lose.

You see, whenever you choose not to follow Mr. Bear, you win. But, the story ends. It'd probably be a good party game or prank game. It takes about 20 minutes. You can follow Mr. Bear through the lake, to his house, or throw a party in the woods for Mr. Bear...but he really wants you to leave him alone.

Give it a try. It's not too long. But, you're gonna lose a lot. Mr. Bear really wants to be alone. Don't follow him. He's gonna be mad. This is pretty funny. Mr. Bear will say things like “Oh, you just COULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE!” Make a party game of it, and see who can follow the longest. At least it's funny.

Street Fighter: The Movie (1994):

Street Fighter: The Movie (1994):

If you know me, you know I love Street Fighter. I'm not here to talk about what makes the movie bad. There are plenty of articles on that. Plus, it still gave us Kylie Minogue as Cammy. Belgian action hero Jean-Claude Van Damme as the All-American Captain Guile at least works as a comedy. No, I'm going to be nice to the movie, (Merry Christmas!) and talk about the one thing that works about it: Raul Julia as M. Bison.

For a man dying of cancer at he was filming, it's amazing to me how he plays this role with such megalomania and exuberance. He gave us such classic lines such as: “For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But, for me, it was Tuesday.” (To Chun Li.) He even says he'll replace God and has grand delusions of world domination through a mutant army, in an underground base. It's impossible not to be sucked in by this villainous dictator's charm and melodramatic proclamations.

I feel like he was the one actor who understood that the movie is a comedy. It's an action-comedy, of course. But, ultimately, at the time, videogame movies were still thought of as for kids. And that's who Raul Julia was doing it for! (Specifically, his kids.) So, even though Guile has weird lines, and almost nothing else about the movie works, we still have Raul Julia playing Bison as a madman fully aware that he's in a videogame! That alone should bring anyone joy. Give it a watch as a comedy, and see if it makes you smile!

So what's your favorite M. Bison line? I think mine is the "it was Tuesday." line. That was just great. But, he has such gravitas, every line is great. Let me know your favorite Street Fighter line in the comments. It's not a good movie, but it's not bad as a comedy. Merry Christmas, everyone.

I, Tonya (2017):

I, Tonya (2017):

“Competitive ice skater Tonya Harding rises amongst the ranks at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships, but her future in the activity is thrown into doubt when her ex-husband intervenes.”

Well, I learned a lot watching this movie. I was very young when Tonya Harding's trial was going on, and I don't remember too much of it. I remember it as she herself who attacked Nancy Kerrigan in 1994. Turns out, it was her abusive husband's friend of a friend who was pretending to be a top counterterrorism expert. What a wild and intriguing story.

Margot Robbie plays Tonya Harding, from her training with her controlling mother at age 4, to right up until she's BANNED for life from skating after “the incident”. She allegedly just meant to scare her competition off. But, her ex hires a wannabe hitman to break her leg. Tonya goes back to being a waitress. Later, she's approached by an agent who wants to recruit her for Team USA in 1994. Then, she gets in after Kerrigan is taken out, and then the court case begins.

To ensure that she wins, her then ex hires a wannabe CIA goon to take out Nancy Kerrigan, her competition in Team USA. It's a wild story. Like I said, I always thought she did it herself until I saw this movie. I had no idea how many people were allegedly pushing her, (even her mom.) and how forced she was into figure-skating. I think she should've just been a hockey player. That's just me. She had the talent and anger issues.

Ultimately, it's a story of narcissism and abuse. Everyone abuses everyone. Everyone acts tough and has insecurity. I liked how it showed what happened, and how it showed Tonya Harding as a human. She's vulnerable. Even though her boyfriend at one point calls figure-skating her “superpower”, she's not a superhero, or a monster. She's a human. This is the best biopic I've seen in a while. If you have time, give it a watch!

Demolition Man (1993):

Demolition Man (1993):

“A police officer is brought out of suspended animation in prison to pursue an old ultra-violent nemesis who is loose in a non-violent future society.”

Sylvester Stallone plays John Spartan, a hard-nosed cop who pursues Simon Phoenix, a crazy criminal. Now, after he burns down part of a crime-ridden LA, he and Phoenix end up in a non-violent future after being frozen. This leads to some pretty funny scenes. For example, the police can't apprehend Phoenix, and don't know what to do after he responds with an aggressive remark.

But also, John Spartan can't adjust to the future world, either. Swearing is outlawed, and he racks up fines for each curse word. He doesn't know that all restaurants are now Taco Bell, or that people wipe themselves with seashells now instead of toilet paper, so he has to use the curse fines as toilet paper. Sandra Bullock as Lenina Huxley helps him adjust to the future, but she keeps getting old expressions wrong. (i.e. “blow this guy” instead of blow him away.) That's all pretty funny.

Apart from the absurdist comedy of an action hero stuck in a pacified future, there's also some great action scenes. Phoenix kills a bunch of guards and museum goers after getting guns from a firearm exhibit. He and Spartan have a good shootout in the museum. Then, in a nod maybe to Terminator killing T-1000, Phoenix later shatters into pieces after being trapped by dry ice in a factory.

But, it turns out that Phoenix himself wasn't operating alone. He was being hypnotized by Dr. Cocteau, the founder of this supposed utopia. He was using him to assassinate Edgar Friendly (Dennis Leary), a rebel leader who lives underground and rejects society's rules. In this way, the film also touches on some social issues, such as censorship, just use of power, and the role of violence in peacekeeping. It's influenced by Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.

Overall, I'd recommend the film to anyone who likes sci-fi, absurdist comedy, and/or good action movies. I enjoyed it. Give it a watch on Hulu, if you get a chance. On the surface, it's a good shoot-em-up. But, it isn't afraid to make you laugh, or think. Truly, a modern sci-fi classic with a unique blend of comedy, action, and philosophy.

Robin Hood (1973):

Robin Hood (1973):

“The story of the legendary British outlaw is portrayed with the characters as humanoid animals.”

Well, I never thought I'd be reviewing this classic. So, here I go! It's the tale of Robin Hood, as seen through the animal kingdom. Robin Hood is a fox, Little John's a bear, and the whole thing is told by a rooster. Prince John is a power-hungry maneless lion, bent on taxing the poor, and living a rich lifestyle.

But, Robin Hood robs from the rich and gives to the poor. We first see this when he and Little John disguise themselves as female fortune tellers, but Prince John lets them in, because: “Female bandits? What next?” Then, when the rabbit Skippy has a birthday party, Robin Hood stops by and gives him his hat and bow. Well, he gets into some trouble as he shoots an arrow in Prince John's court.

Maid Marian checks on Skippy, and from this, the haughty Prince John and Sir Hiss get the idea to lure Robin Hood out with an archery contest (But, not before getting robbed again!), and then by kidnapping Friar Tuck! Robin Hood enters the contest disguised as a giant stork, fake beak and all. Clever!

After winning the tournament and Maid Marian, Robin Hood is found out, Friar Tuck is captured by the wolf Sheriff of Nottingham, and all looks to be lost until Robin Hood and Skippy's friends organize a jailbreak. (In disguise of course, this time as the dumb vulture guard Nutsy.) He fights the Sheriff and then disposes of Prince John for the actual king, Richard The Lion-Hearted. In this version, of course, he's an actual lion. Maid Marion and Robin Hood get married, and it all makes for a good lighthearted kid's movie.

A few notes before I recommend this one. There's some reused animation that's from the Jungle Book (1967). Most notably, during the dance number. The whole thing is (Oodalalee!) after all, a musical. But, other than that, the voice acting is good (Sir Hiss the snake and Prince John sure ham it up together.), the hand-drawn animation is nice, and I found it fun to re-visit, years later. I hadn't seen it since I was a kid, and I thought it holds up. Give it a watch on Disney+!

ONE PUNCH MAN SEASON 1 (2015):

ONE PUNCH MAN SEASON 1 (2015):

“The story of Saitama, a hero that does it just for fun and can defeat his enemies with a single punch.”

One Punch Man is something I've wanted to talk about for a long time, because it's so good. It's a comedy shonen. Usually, shonen are just about POWER GUYS who want POWER because POWER is good, so they quest to get more POWER. Here, Saitama already has ultimate power and is just doing the hero thing for fun. That's what makes it very fun and relaxing to watch, despite its action-packed shonen backdrop.

Early on in his hero career, he trains so hard he becomes bald. That's his origin. After that, he can knock out enemies with one punch. He even makes some enemies with the heroes from the Hero Association who are jealous of him. These make all the fights in Season 1 hilarious. The villains and other heroes talk a big game, and then it's over in one punch.

But, he doesn't just make enemies. While fighting a giant mosquito lady, Saitama befriends a cyborg Genos, who's training to become a hero. Saitama takes him on as a disciple. Then, One Punch Man takes out the “House of Evolution”, Hammerhead's "Paradiser Gang", and some others like “Speed o' Sound Sonic", who is a ninja. Eventually, Genos convinces Saitama to join the Hero Association, so he can have fans. From there, he passes the physical exam with flying colors while completely forgetting the oral test!

After multiple heroes struggle to take out the “Sea King”, One Punch Man arrives leisurely. After he punches him out, some kids and heroes start to claim that Saitama is a phony, or a job poacher. From there, the anime becomes a weird alien invasion story. Their leader Ouroboros has a heavily armored spaceship, and about 5 “final forms” of armor. Of course, the only thing Saitama really fights is boredom. He just says “Ok.” after Ouroboro's villain monologue. But, he has to break out his “finisher”: Serious Punch!

Even after all that, Saitama finds that most the aliens are good. So, he keeps to his apartment and lets them hang around. The reason I like Season 1 is it tells a pretty chill, self-contained story which is pretty much the opposite of your average self-serious, meandering action shonen. That alone makes it funny. The next seasons are about the arrival of the Hero Hunter villain Garou, and a tournament arc, with the ending teasing the arrival of the Monster Association. These are good, and deliciously self-depreciating, but nothing really compares to that first season.

One Punch Man is always looking for a good fight, but can never find it. Despite this, he's never boasting or talking himself up. He battles boredom, and gets excited for simple things like clearance deals on food. That's pretty much the entire joke. Some people hate that kind of humor, but I loved it. I haven't seen a shonen quite like it. If you've got a chance, definitely watch it. It's one of my favorites, and free on Hulu.

The Rocker (2008):

The Rocker (2008):

“In the 1980s, a drummer is abandoned by his band just before they become rock superstars. Twenty years later, the drummer sees his second chance at stardom arise when he is asked to perform with his teenage nephew's high school rock band.”

Rainn Wilson plays a washed-up rocker who teaches some emo high school kids how to rock. He's kicked out of his band Vesuvius in the past. When they make it big, he gets bitter and resigns himself to an office job. A new success by his old band triggers his bitterness again. But, then he plays with his nephew's high school band at prom, and wants to drum again.

Afterwards, they get noticed on YouTube. But, it's because people are laughing at them. He doesn't care though. It's enough to get them noticed. And then, they start playing big shows again. Gradually, the band's success goes to their heads. The lead singer Curtis kicks out Fish. (Rainn Wilson.)

Meanwhile, Curtis realizes he made a mistake. Even though he was a crazy drummer who changed their looks and lyrics, they see the new drummer as a wet blanket. They invite Fish back and play in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. Warming up for his old band.

Fish's old band all became sellouts and speak in faux British accents. The rest of the movie is basically him confronting his old fear of his successful bandmates. It feels like it starts to repeat a little. I recognize their was a period where every 00s teen movie tried to be an 80s movie. It feels a little weird that all that needed to happen was for an emo band to change it's look and sound entirely to hit it big. I know it's about standing up to The Man, but you're better off watching School of Rock for that.

All the movie needed to do was have the kids learn who they really are. But, then it repeats itself for their mentor. The first three acts are ok, even if a little cliché. But, that last act with Rainn Wilson suddenly losing his edge just falls flat. Overall, you can skip this one. Watch School of Rock.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006):

My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006):

“When a regular guy dumps a superhero for her neediness, she uses her powers to make his life a living hell.”

Everyone in this movie is crazy. Even the superhero. Matt Saunders works in a design firm, and has bad luck with the ladies. His pervert friend Vaughn says the answer is just a quick hookup. Unfortunately, the woman he hooks up with is a superhero. Things start hot and heavy, as Jenny Johnson (a.k.a. G-Girl, whose hero moniker is never explained. What's the G stand for? Great? Gamma? Genetically-enhanced?) is just looking for reprieve from her job. But then, she gets psychotically possessive.

G-Girl routinely controls who Matt can see and won't let him go to work, breaks his stuff during making out, and is paranoid to a fault. When Matt tries to break up, she breaks his apartment, ruins his meetings (by stripping him with super speed in public.) and throws his car into space. At one point, she even throws a shark into his apartment. That was funny, because it was so unexpected!

One day, after a date, Matt is kidnapped by the goons of G-Girl's archnemesis Professor Bedlam. He reveals that he and G-Girl used to be in love. (After Professor Bedlam hangs Matt from the Statue of Liberty.) But, after she gained her powers from a meteor, she ignored him. Luckily, he has a piece of the meteor that gives her her power. If she gets too close, it will de-power her. Matt, tried of having his life screwed up, agrees.

Meanwhile, back at Matt's office, a girl named Hannah is always getting Matt to ogle her. I told you everyone is crazy in this film. G-Girl has been jealous of her since the beginning, so when she shows up as he's luring G-Girl towards the meteor, a huge fight erupts. But then, Hannah is exposed to the meteor, and can suddenly give G-Girl a fair fight. Then, “Berry” Bedlam realizes he should've gone out with G-Girl, and Hannah and Matt take it steady afterward.

Honestly, everyone in this movie is just a huge relationship red flag. I thought it would end with G-Girl realizing she's a villain, but I guess since it's a comedy, it's all played for laughs. But, the only one who kind of made sense was Bedlam. He shouldn't want to de-power her, but it absolutely makes sense in this case. Overall, this is a movie best enjoyed with snacks, and a huge grain of salt! It's free on Hulu, anyway.

La La Land (2016):

La La Land (2016):

“While navigating their careers in Los Angeles, a pianist and an actress fall in love while attempting to reconcile their aspirations for the future.”

So, La La Land is a musical about two artists wanting to pursue their dreams. Mia is an actress and script writer working on a play and TV treatment. Sebastian is a jazz musician who dreams of opening his own club, and playing free jazz. Instead, they are met with an uncaring L.A. They're stuck in side gigs they don't want. But, in spite of this, the two connect by holding onto their dreams.

When Seb and Mia first meet, they are rude to each other, and resent each other. Each is embarrassed by their ambition, feeling that maybe their time is up. But, when they share their passions with each other, the world becomes full of color and music, and excitement. For example, there's no dialogue in the planetarium scene. The music is telling you how the characters feel.

Seb and Mia eventually decide to meet somewhere in-between. They pursue their dreams even though it might drive them apart. Seb can't stay where he is and be a jazz musician. Mia has to stay in L.A. with her boring business fiancee Greg if she wants to be an actress. In one scene, we see how life might have played out had the characters had a life together in their heads. When you see Greg at the piano in the jazz club (having switched places in their heads with Seb and Mia.), you realize how silly it all would've been.

But, at least the characters got to live their romance together for a little while. La La Land is a movie about dreams, romance, and music. So, the music shows you that world, and those feelings. It's all set against the backdrop of Mia working at a coffee shop or Seb half-heartedly playing Jingle Bells on a piano at a Christmas party. If you have time to experience it, give it a watch on Hulu.

Freaked (1993):

Freaked (1993):

“A vain actor, his best friend, and an activist end up at a mutant freak farm run by a weirdo scientist.”

It's sort of a weird Dr. Frankenstein meets Garbage Pail Kids gross-out comedy all wrapped in an early 90s MTV aesthetic. A salesman (Ricky.) goes to sell illegal fertilizer called Zygrot-24 from EES (Everything Except Shoes.) but ends up captured by a mad scientist (Dr. Skuggs.) and turned into a weird tumorous beast boy. His girlfriend and his best friend, Julie and Ernie, are combined into a Siamese twin. Then, they meet companions and plot their escape from the doctor.

Most of the humor comes from the grotesque freak designs. But, there are moments where it's like each scene is its own little parody. After being told to make the most of his freak form by his friend Worm, Ricky launches into a soliloquy from Shakespeare's Richard III, with subtitles for the “culturally illiterate”. There's even a Hollywood Squares bit that introduces Ricky's new friends including Ortiz the Dog Boy (Keanu Reeves), Worm, a giant worm man, Cowboy, a literal anthropomorphic cow, the Bearded Lady (Mr. T in a dress.), and Sockhead, who has a sock puppet for a head.

Now, EES comes in as soon as the freaks try to make their escape. Their plan is to make Americans more productive by turning them into freaks with more arms, hands, and no mouths to talk back. At the same time, Dr. Skuggs plans to turn Beast Boy Ricky into a super mega freak dedicated to evil, who will kill his friends to make room for more freaks. And then an amusement park!

It's definitely not a pretty movie to look at, but it does have comedic moments if you're in a gross-out irreverent headspace.In my favorite bit, Dr. Skruggs falls into a vat of Zygrot-24 and becomes the ultimate freak...a talk show host! You're definitely gonna need snacks for this one to enjoy it, but otherwise you can skip it! Don't say I didn't warn you, but you can watch the whole thing free on YouTube if you dare!

The Bronze (2015):

The Bronze (2015):

“A foul-mouthed former gymnastics bronze medalist with local celebrity status reluctantly trains a rising Olympics aspirant.”

Melissa Rauch plays a fictional foul-mouthed Olympic bronze medalist (Hope Ann Greggory.) with a heart of...well, bronze. I mean, I guess she turns out to kind of care about other people. She's still selfish, entitled, and jealous. She expects people in small-town Ohio to give her free food, and gifts. She doesn't really respect her dad, and lives off his money after her injury.

So, she receives a letter from her dead coach, asking her to train her new rival for another Games. Well, she tries to train her wrong, as a joke, but then discovers 1.) she won't get her coach's money if her trainee doesn't qualify, and 2.) another rival coach is there, ready to tell on her and break the deal. This mostly results in her trying to undo the damage she's already done, giving her good gymnastic advice, and putting her on a better diet...but, not without insults.

The most interesting character is Ben (Thomas Middleditch), the gym owner's son, who suffers from facial ticks. Hope mockingly calls him Twitchy. Ben later confesses that he admires Hope for her athleticism. It spurs her to go on a date with him, and shape up a bit. She becomes a little nicer when someone appreciates her as she is...injury and all.

Look, it's not going to win any awards or anything...but I enjoyed it. Especially as a look into what motivates people to be better. She doesn't change who she is, just becomes a little less bitter. Watch it with some snacks, don't take it too seriously, and this sweet-and-sour comedy will be a treat!

The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019):

The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019):

“Zak runs away from his care home to make his dream of becoming a wrestler come true.”

A man with Down Syndrome (Zak) escapes from a nursing home to become a professional wrestler. Now, I'm somewhat of a pro wrestling fan, and this movie deals with disabilities, so I liked it. Along the way, Zak is helped by Tyler (Shia Lebeouf) a fisherman and latchkey kid who's on the run for stealing crab pots. He helps Zak face his fear of water as they search out the wrestling school.

They find out they're not bad people at all. Tyler helps (reluctantly) come up with a wrestling name for Zak... The Peanut Butter Falcon, because of Zak's love for peanut butter. Meanwhile, Zak is still being pursued by Eleanor, his former nurse, who explains that she's just trying to do her job. The movie does a good job showing both sides of assisted living: the longing for freedom vs. security.

After they all find the wrestling school, Zak finds that his former wrestling idol, Saltwater Redneck, is a husk of his old self. But, Zak is such a big fan that he convinces him to teach wrestling one more time. He teaches him some moves, and even books him a match with Samson. (Played by Jake “The Snake” Roberts!)

It feels somewhat ambiguous whether the trip succeeds or not, as Eleanor would surely take him back to the facility as soon as he finished. But, at least Zak pursued his dream, and made his own decision. If you have time, watch it today. It's comedy with a lot of heart, and even some good wrestling cameos!

Vicious Lips (1986):

Vicious Lips (1986):

“Sometime in the distant future, a fledgling band gets an opportunity for a breakthrough, if they can make it in time to a faraway planet to perform in a very popular club.”

So, Judy Jetson gets selected to replace a famous rockstar girl, Ace Lucas. She joins the band The Vicious Lips on their way to a big gig at The Radioactive Dream. Really, the whole movie plays like just an 80s music video, or rock opera. They keep setting it up like it'll be more, but it never really is.

They crash on a desert planet. Then, it turns out that there's an escaped ape-like alien on the spaceship. They keep acting like he should be scary and creepy, but then she smokes some “Martian herb”, and ends up on a planet called Passion Inc. where zombies chase her, and ask her if she wants to be a star.

Then, she wakes up, and it's all been a dream. Literally, one of the most cliched endings. The entire second act doesn't matter. They sing their ending number “Lunar Madness” and then roll credits. I feel like I have to go easy on this movie, since it is just a rock opera. They tease a bigger plot, but it's like Thriller. It's a vehicle for music videos.

Some of the sci-fi costumes, and songs are cool. If that's what you want, give it a watch. If you expect a full movie, you'll be disappointed. It's basically some music videos with dramatic interludes. As for me, I was disappointed. I say skip it. You're better off not knowing the 84 minute movie you watched was just a dream. Spoilers. Oh well.

Coneheads (1993):

Coneheads (1993):

“Aliens with conical crania crash-land on Earth.”

Well, Coneheads was free on Hulu. I figured if there's ever a comedy about seeing through alien eyes, this is it. Beldar and Prymaat come from planet Remulak to conquer Earth, but end up staying as “illegal aliens” after a malfunction. A lot of the humor comes from the way they talk so scientifically. For example, “re-numerating with metallic tender discs.” for “paying in change”; or “consumption of mass quantities” for eating.

Beldar and Prymaat slowly adapt to American life despite being aliens. Beldar is a hard worker, and can succeed at almost any job because his cone or body can interact with machinery. Meanwhile, he has the government chasing him and his family down. Beldar's child, Connie Conehead, was born in America and quickly falls in love with a car mechanic (Chris Farley!) because she can describe in detail all the equipment in his shop! Yes, Connie has normal teen problems and fights with her parents, but is still an alien!

Eventually, Beldar's ship returns for him. But, Connie convinces him to stay in America, because they have a good life. They may look funny and talk strangely, but they are good people once they stop being chased around. It's a great comedy, if you have time. Direct your ocular sensors upon it! (Give it a watch!)

Eden of The East (2009):

Eden of The East (2009):

"A compilation of the TV series, Eden of The East."

In this short, 11-episode anime, Akida Takizawa (If that’s his name.) awakes from a daze on the White House lawn naked and holding a gun. What would you do? If you said, “Uncover a plot by a billionaire to rule Japan while going on a semi-romantic adventure with a girl.” you’d be right! Also, if you said that, you probably watch too much anime. (Good job!) This one was oddly fascinating due to the terrorist angle.

You see, in this universe, Japan was the victim of a terrorist attack called “Careless Monday” when 10 missiles were accidentally fired on Japanese soil, and 20,000 people showed up missing. That’s the interesting part to me. Evidence points to him as the terrorist. But, this girl Saki keeps showing this naïve interest in him, that ultimately changes the tone to more mushy romantic comedy.

More to the point, after uncovering this plot to fire the missiles, (Again!) Akida again frames himself and gives himself a new identity rather than arrest the group behind it. Each player in this political game has a cell phone equipped with a 10 billion yen account. Akida discovers he’s one of the players in a game orchestrated by a billionaire to see how individuals, if given power, would save or change the country.

One of the contestants, in fact, is a prostitute who cuts off male members if they displease her. It’s a little unsettling…and it’s all there to make some point about love that’s developing between him and Saki. I have no idea what “cutting off Johnnies” would do to improve the country, but sometimes anime is wacky. Also, love or something.

Anyway, I was more interested in the political plot. The team that keeps track of Akida’s political funds is called “Eden of The East”. His computerized cell phone accountant Juiz will do anything he asks with the 10 billion yen. I just don’t get why he blows it by framing himself again, and evacuating 20,000 people! Again! It’s like he’ll have to do it all over again, including meeting Saki!

Yes, I know how it ends. I’m not gonna get into that. I just think repeating the same thing you did to get framed as a terrorist has to be one of the most baffling decisions ever. But, it’s oddly fascinating because at it’s heart you have an anime that wants to be romantic. So, it’s just this guy who just wants to live life, and full in love, and avoid responsibility. Also, just as a whimsical joke…he commits a terrorist act against Tokyo.

He’d probably be in jail, and lose his girlfriend. But, dang if he didn’t have 10 billion yen and a magic robot in a cell phone! Look, I know it’s fantasy, and love, and he can clear his name with a phone call. But, am I supposed to believe accepting responsibility means framing yourself as an international criminal? All I’m saying is, the minute I saw Akida had machine guns in his closet, and planned to commit terrorist acts because he can’t bring down his psychopathic buddies… if I were Saki, I’d leave. I would fear for my life.

I know it’s technically like a romantic comedy/political satire, but it had real potential up to the point where he takes responsibility rather than arrest the contestants. Is the rest of Japan still getting played like a game show? What happened to the other contestants? It could’ve been a really interesting espionage thriller, but went the romantic comedy route. By the way, none of this explains why he was naked at the White House.

But, the odd mixture of romantic comedy/espionage thriller works, because the suspense lasts about right up until the second-to-last episode. Then, it’s purely and unabashedly mushy. I’d give this series a firm “skip it”. I liked the concepts, and certain parts! But, it just seems like a lot of wasted ideas. And I just don’t think terrorism is a joke. It could’ve been so much more than what it aims for, but the message seems to be take the 10 billion yen and don’t ask questions. The terrorism angle drew me in, but it deals with it far too whimsically!

Honey, I Shrunk The Kids (1989):

Honey, I Shrunk The Kids (1989):

"The scientist father of a teenage girl and boy accidentally shrinks his and two other neighborhood teens to the size of insects. Now the teens must fight diminutive dangers as the father searches for them."

So, Wayne Szalinsky has a machine that can shrink objects down to ¼ of an inch tall. Unfortunately, because of a baseball hitting it, it accidentally shrinks his kids and he throws them out with the trash. He can't see them. They're in the yard now, and with their size, it's a journey of over 10 miles.

Much of the fun here is size-related. They hitch a ride on a bee, they're attacked by lawnmowers, a scorpion, and a sprinkler. The most memorable seen for me is them almost being eaten in a bowl of cereal. Meanwhile, the kids have to make do and sleep in a Lego until they can return to normal size and start worrying about normal teen stuff, like a high school dance.

If you have a chance, watch it on Disney+. It's a fun ride. Some of the green screen effects haven't aged well. But, I like it! It's a larger-than-life sci-fi journey. I'm also a fan of practical effects. So, if you are too, I recommend this one. Give it a watch.

RED NOTICE (2021):

RED NOTICE (2021):

"An Interpol agent tracks the world's most wanted art thief."

Red Notice is free on Netflix, so I figured why not? It's a pretty good action-heist flick. There's a police officer John Hartley (Dwayne Johnson), a conman Nolan Booth (Ryan Reynolds) and a thief called The Bishop. (Gal Gadot). Each one is trying to get the golden eggs of Cleopatra. Pretty formulaic structure here though.

John Hartley is trying to catch The Bishop and sets up the action scenes. Gal Gadot comes in and sets up the sexy/heist scenes. She's always one step ahead. Ryan Reynolds is comic relief who makes fun of Dwayne Johnson's character as he's fooled through Russia, Spain, Egypt, and other exotic locales. He really enjoys seeing Agent Hartley in a bind, and makes it harder for him at every turn.

It's not a bad movie, it's just a little formulaic. Ryan Reynolds is in full wise-cracking mode. You want Gal Gadot? Well, you get Gal Gadot: Sweet talk, and krav maga. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is as game as ever to bonk some heads, and not afraid to laugh at himself. Plus, there's a few surprises in store. If you can stomach the setups, watch this one...there's a couple big twists. No spoilers!