Green Snake a.k.a. White Snake 2: The Tribulations of Green Snake (2021):

Green Snake a.k.a. White Snake 2: The Tribulations of Green Snake (2021):

“Verta the green snake-demon must find a way to escape from the modern Asuraville of mortals, in order to rescue her elder sister Blanca the White Snake from the demon-slaying monk Fahai.”

“Green Snake” as it was released in America on Netflix, is in fact a sequel to the animated “White Snake” (2019) movie from China. Let's treat it as it's own movie though. After a fight with the monk Fahai, White Snake is sucked into a kind of Buddhist purgatory. Green Snake goes after her. There, she finds that she's no longer in Tang dynasty China, but an amalgam of the modern world and spirit world called Asuraville.

She meets up with Simon and his party, who are hunting down demons led by Mr. Ox. They want to conquer Asuraville, whereas the others just want to return. Old Fox, a spirit with a fox on one side of her head acts as a guide, and explains how to leave Asuraville, by dropping their “tokens of desire” into a pool. Meanwhile, Green Snake might actually have met White Snake (Blanca), reincarnated as a man who's name is never revealed anyway.

Then, when they all gather their tokens, they battle with Mr. Ox again. He finally agrees to leave with them after removing the no-name man's face, for some reason. Then, they battle Fahai again. Green Snake is defeated over and over actually, but ends up in the modern world when she beats Fahai. Green Snake is confused. So was I.

I don't know that I liked this movie. I didn't hate it, but it had way too many side-quests. First it's about Fahai, then find Green Snake, fight demons, then find Green Snake again...it goes on for about 30 mins too long. Plus, I don't like that the action stops just so they can explain the tokens of desire midway through. By the time they got to the 2nd Fahai encounter, I was lost as to what the main story was. Was it to find White Snake, defeat the demons, or get home? Hadn't she done all that before anyway?

I don't really recommend this movie. The animation and battle scenes are good. But, there are just way too many subplots that divert the main story. Maybe it would've made more sense if it weren't presented as a standalone movie. But, in its present form on US Netflix, I have to say skip this one.

Cryptozoo (2021):

Cryptozoo (2021):

“Cryptozookeepers try to capture a Baku, a dream-eating hybrid creature of legend, and start wondering if they should display these beasts or keep them hidden and unknown.”

Well, I guess it helps to know what you're getting into before you watch a movie. I expected this movie to be bizarre, but I didn't expect it to open with two naked hippies getting viciously attacked by a unicorn with South Park-levels of gore. It's a wild movie! Free on Hulu.

From the hippies, we go to our main protagonist Lauren, a cryptid hunter. It's the 1960s, and she's globe-hopping to save mystical creatures. They save Russian storm birds, a satyr, a medusa, and a guy with a face in his chest (voiced by Michael Cera.), to build a zoo for cryptids...Cryptozoo!

One day, she discovers that the Baku (dream-eater) who helped her with nightmares as a kid, and inspired her quest to become a crypto-zoologist, is being held by the US military. So, she gathers her cryptid friends and quests to save her from them. Thus, the movie turns into a sort of mystical spy epic, with tons of gore as the animals and soldiers are both killed/or captured.

I'm not necessarily against violence in movies, I just think I wasn't prepared to watch an officer get eaten by a South American megaworm. Or goblins get shot, or a hippie to be impaled by a unicorn. The general message seems to be that nature wants animals to be free, not used as weapons or entertainment. The animation is psychedelic and 1960s-inspired, so at least it's never boring. Watch it with some snacks, and you'll have fun.

WONDER WOMAN: BLOODLINES (2019):

WONDER WOMAN: BLOODLINES (2019):

“Wonder Woman tries to help a troubled young girl, Vanessa, who has fallen in with a deadly organization known as Villainy Inc. headed by Dr. Cyber.”

Well, another one where there's a ton going on! Steve Trevor arrives on Themyscira followed by parademons. Wonder Woman believes his arrival means that an attack is coming, so she leaves the island and comes to modern day Man's World to help. One of the things I like about this one is how Diana comports herself like an ancient Amazon.

For example, she apologizes to a woman for crooks “hampering” her day, and says to her host family's daughter Vanessa that her “sleeping chambers” were quite similar to hers, just with servants. Vanessa feels slowly neglected by Wonder Woman as her popularity grows; so, jealous of her, she joins Villainy Inc.!

The rest of the quest is to save Vanessa and stop more monsters and villains from attacking. Vanessa becomes Silver Swan with the help of Dr. Poison and Dr. Cyber. I'm impressed with this movie's villainess roster. Cheetah, Giganta, Dr. Poison, the Minotaur, and even Medusa all show up. Wonder Woman can punch through walls, and throw giant pillars, so the fight scenes are good...there's always the lasso, too!

After she defeats Silver Swan, they have to figure out how to get back to Themyscira. There they can use the aptly-named “purple healing ray” to cure her. But, everyone who leaves the island magically forgets where it is! They work out the location, but there is a major betrayal in the team. Overall, the film does a good job showing Wonder Woman's powers and code of honor. I liked it!

It's kind of like an extended Justice League episode. With more villainesses than probably in the average Wonder Woman movie! It kind of feels like they were riding high from 2017's Wonder Woman success, which is a good thing. I'm always up for more Greek myths and superheroes. I feel like animation can show things that just look ridiculous in movies, like invisible jets, no matter how good your CGI is.

I think this is worth watching, if only because it throws a lot at you. At times, it's not afraid to have fun, but you're never bored either way. It's a nice mix of action-comedy. If you wanna see Wonder Woman at full power, I'd recommend this movie. Give it a watch, if you can!

OUTLANDER (2008):

OUTLANDER (2008):

“During the reign of the Vikings, Kainan, a man from a far-off world, crash lands on Earth, bringing with him an alien predator known as the Moorwen.”

This is a movie about a space marine who crashes into medieval Norway, carrying an alien who can shoot lasers and impale people with its tentacles that everyone mistakes for a dragon. The marine, Kainan, loses his gun and vows to track down the alien. With Iron Age tech, he reasons it's easier to trap it.

But now, he is trapped in Norse politics. At first, they think he's a spy for the Franks. John Hurt, who plays the Viking chieftain listens to his story. They don't believe him at first, but after hunting the beast with him, they believe it's more than a bear. Kainan parties with the Vikings, and becomes friends with Freya, the king's daughter.

Now, this is where he gets mixed up. Freya is due to marry Wulfric, who Freya says is a tyrant. Thus, Freya entrusts Kainan, not him, with the king's sword. All the while building this “dragon trap”, he has to fend off enemies that Wulfric has made too. They suspect his tribe attacked, when it was the alien. But, Wulfric is too quick to think with his sword.

Thinking with his mind and heart, Kainan tries to trap the beast and bring the people together. This is justice for having brought the monster into their world. I really enjoyed this mix of hard sci-fi and mythical fantasy. It's free on Youtube movies. If you have time, give it a watch!

The Dark Crystal (1982):

The Dark Crystal (1982):

"On another planet in the distant past, a Gelfling embarks on a quest to find the missing shard of a magical crystal, and to restore order to his world."

Definitely worth a watch, if you like fantasy-adventure. It has a dark feeling to it, with some weird creature designs. Excellent puppet work from Jim Henson and co.! Plus, the bad guys (Skeksis) are really evil, and suck the souls out of Gelflings. Stakes that high make for a good adventure. Give it a watch!

Journey To The West (2014):

Journey To The West (2014):

"A story centered on Tang Sanzang, a Buddhist trying to protect a village from three demons, his emerging feelings for Miss Duan, the demon hunter who helps him repeatedly, and Sanzang's transformative encounter with the Monkey King."

Pretty good, pretty weird action comedy by Stephen Chow. Look it up if you wanna watch something funny and unique, with a weird spin on Chinese legend. Check it out if you can.

Clash of the Titans (1981):

Clash of the Titans (1981):

"Perseus must battle Medusa and the Kraken to save the Princess Andromeda."

My favorite film, and first exposure to Greek myths. Lovely claymation monster work by Ray Harryhausen, including the evil Kalibos, Kraken, Medusa, and others. Excellent scenes in Mount Olympus help give the film a sincere sense of epic scale, without being bloated. Highly recommended. For me, the monsters and gods are what make it strange and mesmerizing to watch.
Check it out!

The Sorcerer And The White Snake (2013) Review:

White Snake: “Before I saw you I meditated for a thousand years, but those thousand years are worth less than a moment with you.”

The Sorcerer And The White Snake (2013) Review:

    Since I started this blog, it’s taken on a much more international flavor. I like it. So, today’s review comes from a movie done in Hong Kong in Mandarin. A demon falls in love with a human and wants to meet him and make his life better. Jet Li plays a martial arts-type Buddha Monk who tells her that such love is forbidden because they are from different realms. And Jet Li means business. In the opening scene he fights and traps an ice harpy for seducing people.

    But, these demons aren’t all like demons we find so often in Western culture who are inherently evil and seduce people. White Snake is more like Cinderella. She just can’t let her love see her as she truly is, which is a giant white snake. Her love is the herbalist Xu Xian, and she makes his medicine far more powerful. It arouses the suspicion of Master Fahai. (Jet Li!) He knows she’s a demon, but since she is benevolent, he gives her a warning. But, like all fairy tales, the warning is only the beginning. Even though she really loves Xu Xian, the monk shows up and forces her to reveal herself by magic, and of course, fighting. It’s like Cinderella meets Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon…and is as visually impressive!

     Like most fairy tales, it features cute animals that talk. (I like the turtle. He…talks…slowly…) One such animal is a mouse who tells Xu Xian of an herb so that she can come back to him. But, he is captured by monks, and his memory erased…this makes White Snake angry and she and her demon buddies (Including another snake-woman!) attack the temple to free him. This leads the monk to question if what he’s done is right as the temple is destroyed by an epic kung fu battle with White Snake summoning a tidal wave to smash the temple! The monks erasing Xu Xian’s mind are beset by little rats. Great scene. 

    So, anyway, despite being a fairy tale romance, it’s an action movie too! It was pretty good. Although it never really does lose the fairy tale tone…which I guess is all right, because it is a fairy tale…however it does seem wildly out of place when an epic battle suddenly erupts and there’s…talking mice around, and well…Xu Xian’s wife is a thousand year old Snake Demon fighting off monks for his affection! But, that’s the power of love, I guess!  

   Mainly, I like the film’s fantasy portrayal of the demon world. They’re just like nature spirits, I suppose. And I always enjoy learning the fairy tales of other cultures…so I might be a little more biased on my rating in this one. I could’ve used a little more Jet Li. Apparently, the other actors didn’t have as much training as him, so it leads to a lot of jumping around and using big special effects to end the fights. Which is fine, and flashy! But, I wanted to see a bit more martial arts. I wonder if the original fairy tale had martial arts in it?

     Anyway, it’s a good love story/action movie which shows the lengths people will go to for love. And what they’ll do to stop it when they’re convinced the love is wrong! But, ultimately, the monk decides that he’s caused too much suffering, and lets White Snake see Xu Xian one last time! For a rating, I’ll give it something in the range of B+. Certainly it’s artfully done. Even though it is a little weird to see talking mice and Cinderella with kung fu monks. But, different is good! It was nice to look at, even in the slow-moving romantic parts.

 Basically, if you need a cross between kung fu and the fantasy/action magic of Lord of the Rings, with Jet Li as a Gandalf figure, here’s your ticket! Also, if you specifically want that, you must have very unique interests! But seriously, see this movie. It’s got a little bit of everything with a kung fu movie flavor. Note: I know the movie is from 2011, but the USA DVD was released in 2013!

SHORT STORY: TED'S SECRET (19TH ANNIVERSARY)

When I was in 2nd grade, I used to write "books" on an electronic typewriter of usually 1-5 pages, each one or two lines, and bound with stapled construction paper. I loved to write these. One such story was Ted's Secret. Written in February of 1994, it was the first story I ever wrote that was an attempt at an epic adventure story.

Looking back on it, I was amazed because it incorporated epic themes, and played off of Nintendo games, computer games, and cartoons...where I would've gotten stories at the time. It even had a coherent moral: That you can ask for people to help, but never trust blindly. It's only drawback was the 2nd grade grammar I used at the time.

Previous morals for these "books" included: "And that's why you never ask what pancakes are being made!" (On second thought, that could've been me being silly!) and "That's why there is a rainbow at the end of the rainbow." (That was definitely a mistake.) But, this one ended with "And Ted went home happily." (But, I forgot to mention about half the story until now.) Ending aside, it was my first coherent epic!

On the 19th anniversary of this little "book" which encapsulates my early love of adventure stories, cartoons, and videogames...particularly Legend of Zelda! I decided to edit it, expand it, and change the grammar to make it more accessible to others. But, I still wanted young children to be able to read it, and maybe better understand the moral. So, I kept it simple. If alien anthropologists discover my body thousands of years from now, I'd want them to discover Ted's Secret on me. It is one of the best I've ever written.

Without further ado, Through Alien Eyes presents: Ted's Secret!

Ted’s Secret:

  One day, a man, Ted went hunting. “Eh?” He asked as he opened his secret chest. My secret isn’t where I put it! Maybe someone knows where it is.” He couldn’t hunt without it, so he went to the church to see if the nun could help.

"No, I'm sorry, but I cannot help you." said the nun. "But, my brother, the hermit collects such things. Perhaps he can help you. He lives in the Hills of High Fire." The nun bowed, leaving Ted.

So, Ted climbed to the Hills of High Fire, where flame surrounded the hermit. "Beg your pardon, sir. Are you the nun's brother?" asked Ted.
"Why yes! I am." said the squinty eyed old man, peaking through the fiery walls. "And what would you be seeking?"

"I'm looking for my secret." Ted explained. "The nun said you might collect such things."
"Why, yes, I might have that in my collection." The snaggle-toothed crone stepped out from the fire, and said. "Can you tell me what it looks like?"

Ted thought for a while, and whispered to the old man. “It is a treasure of unimaginable wealth. It took me sixty-one weeks to find it.”

“Ah!” said the hermit, digging around in his hovel. “A treasure, big with lamps and rubies on it!” cackled the nun’s brother.
    Ted shot the old man a look. “Do you have it, old hermit?” Ted wondered how the nun’s brother could be so crazy.

“No, I don’t have anything like that!” shouted the hermit. “But, maybe the willows have such things as you seek, adventurer. Beware, the willows can be nasty, and will throw apples at you.”

“Then, give me what I need to go see the willows!” Ted protested.

The ancient hermit coughed and wheezed in insane laughter. “Here is a shield to block the apples. And a gas mask. The Willow Woods are smelly.” He smiled toothlessly, and handed Ted the things. “Now, leave me be! I have to call the firefighters!” Hermits collect such strange things! Ted thought, and put on the gas mask, bidding his friend good-bye.

Away Ted went to the Willow Woods. The tall dark trees made him look small. They hunched down to speak with hideous, crooked faces.

“Who are you, little man?” They demanded.

“I’m Ted, the hunter.” said Ted. “And I seek my secret that I lost this morning!” Yelled Ted back at the willows.

“Go away, we don’t have it!” Said the willows altogether, and threw apples with their hand-like branches.
   “Amazing!” Thought Ted, blocking the apples. “A forest that attacks travelers! What are you, knaves?”
     Suddenly, those trees sobbed and said, “You may pass! We are only slaves to the warlock in the Grey Tower.”

“Amazing!” said Ted. “Does the warlock know where my secret is?”

“A warlock knows many things.” said the eldest willow. “And if he did have a secret, he would keep it to
himself. Yes! He could have it, and if you face him, we could finally be a peaceful forest! Go, Ted!” The
trees cracked woody smiles, and made a road.

And Ted went down the road happily. Then, he went to the warlock’s tower, and knocked on the big door.
“Who are you?” asked the warlock.
“I’m Ted, and I came from the forest looking for my secret!” Exclaimed Ted to the warlock.
“Come in.” said the warlock. “I have many secrets.”
“Have you seen mine?” asked Ted.
“You defeated the willows. You must be a warlock too. Is it magic?” said the warlock
 “No,” said Ted. “It’s a treasure of unimaginable wealth. It took me sixty-one weeks to find it.”
 “Ah!” said the warlock. “Yes! I have magical treasures. What will you give me for it?”
  Ted showed him the shield and gas mask.

 “Wow!” shouted the warlock. “I have never seen things like that. Now, I will show you my mirror.” Then, Ted went to the mirror room, and saw himself in it.
  He looked weird and strange. The mirror was shiny, but didn’t look like a treasure.
“Aha! A trick, old man!” Yelled Ted.
“It’s no trick, the mirror shows the truth.” said the warlock. “It knows where the secret is!”
“Where?” asked Ted, “But it only shows me, and I emptied my pockets!”
“Ah, look inside!” said the warlock. So, Ted jumped inside the mirror. The sky was green and the grass outside was blue and sunny. Of course, Ted thought. In the mirror world, it’s the opposite! He will find the secret instead of losing it! So, Ted went back to hunting, and remembered the secret.
 On a white cliff, near a green lake, Ted  found a chest. Ted opened the lock, but right there was a girl who snatched it away.

“There it is!” she said. “I found it!”
“Hey!” said Ted. “That’s my secret! Who are you?”
“I’m Theodora, the huntress.” She said. She looked just like him.
“Of course!” said Ted, “If I’m here, and I remember, then you forgot it.”
“It’s mine now!” said the girl.
“Yes, but you’re just a mirror illusion.” said Ted. “I’m going to leave now, and believe that I still have it.” And Ted walked out of the mirror with the secret chest, that he didn’t have before he entered.

“Amazing!” said Ted to the warlock. “I’ll go home now.”
“No! I’m a warlock! I keep all the world’s secrets!” said the warlock.
“Why, yes, you do.” said Ted. “But, only if you teach me your magic.”
“How dare you!” Yelled the warlock who raised his wand. But, Ted blocked it with the secret chest. The warlock sobbed. He was turned into a frog. “Okay, I’ll teach you my magic. Just turn me back.”  And the wizard taught him all his magic, and Ted flew back to his house and put down the big chest. “What an adventure!” said Ted.
A little while later, Ted passed by a wandering merchant.
“Would you like to sell your secret?” asked the merchant.
  “No.” said Ted, and smiled. “This secret is mine, and it has gotten me all the magic and collections of the land.”

“What is it worth to you?” asked the salesman.
“Everything.” said Ted. “It took me sixty-one weeks to find, and the nun couldn’t help me get it back. I freed the willows, and learned magic to get it back.”
“What about some gold?” The man asked.
Ted nodded finally. “I can use gold. You can have the chest, but not the secret.” Ted took the gold, and the merchant laughed.
“Deal!” But, he looked inside for the secret and saw nothing.
And Ted went home happily, with his secret inside his head.