If you know me, you know I love Street Fighter. I'm not here to talk about what makes the movie bad. There are plenty of articles on that. Plus, it still gave us Kylie Minogue as Cammy. Belgian action hero Jean-Claude Van Damme as the All-American Captain Guile at least works as a comedy. No, I'm going to be nice to the movie, (Merry Christmas!) and talk about the one thing that works about it: Raul Julia as M. Bison.
For a man dying of cancer at he was filming, it's amazing to me how he plays this role with such megalomania and exuberance. He gave us such classic lines such as: “For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But, for me, it was Tuesday.” (To Chun Li.) He even says he'll replace God and has grand delusions of world domination through a mutant army, in an underground base. It's impossible not to be sucked in by this villainous dictator's charm and melodramatic proclamations.
I feel like he was the one actor who understood that the movie is a comedy. It's an action-comedy, of course. But, ultimately, at the time, videogame movies were still thought of as for kids. And that's who Raul Julia was doing it for! (Specifically, his kids.) So, even though Guile has weird lines, and almost nothing else about the movie works, we still have Raul Julia playing Bison as a madman fully aware that he's in a videogame! That alone should bring anyone joy. Give it a watch as a comedy, and see if it makes you smile!
So what's your favorite M. Bison line? I think mine is the "it was Tuesday." line. That was just great. But, he has such gravitas, every line is great. Let me know your favorite Street Fighter line in the comments. It's not a good movie, but it's not bad as a comedy. Merry Christmas, everyone.
“Santa's sleigh is stuck in the sand on a Florida beach only days before Christmas Eve. A group of children try to help.”
Tell me something. When you watch a movie called Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, do you expect to see Jack and The Beanstalk? No? Well, then, skip this movie, because that's what it is. Oh, sure. There's a good 20 mins of Santa getting stuck in Florida. But then, it's Jack and The Beanstalk for an hour, and then they wrap up with The Ice Cream Bunny saving Santa on a firetruck. What, is he gonna drive Santa to the airport?
Santa psychically calls for some children to help him. But, they all fail because they can't push the animals up to Santa's sleigh. Fearing the children are disheartened, Santa tells them all the story of Jack And The Beanstalk. Honestly, it's pretty basic stuff, with some musicals thrown in. If you were expecting a weird Christmas movie like I was, you'll be disappointed.
All the children sing terribly off-key even when dubbed over. Worse yet, they still include noises like Santa's workshop, and firetruck sirens over the kids' singing. The only good singer is the giant. He sings “Fee Fie Fo Fum” like an old opera singer. But then, the warbly low-budget 1970s audio ruins his spoken dialogue, which he always shouts at the top of his lungs. I get it, he's a giant, but spare me the microphone feedback.
In conclusion, skip this movie. Even if you just want a weird Christmas musical, this isn't it. It's Jack and The Beanstalk pretending to be a Christmas movie. It's like someone had a neat bunny costume, and wanted to put it in a movie, so they just crammed it into another movie. It's not even particularly weird. Just disappointing. It's free on Tubi, if you dare.
Broforce is a pixelated run-and-gun that is an homage to American
action movies. Each hero or "Bro" has their own weapons and special
abilities. For example, Rambro (Rambo) can throw grenades, while
Brommando (Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando) fires a rocket launcher
with a special attack that fires three missiles. My favorite bro is
probably the duo pair known as The Boondock Bros (Boondock Saints),
because not only do they both have to be killed for you to lose a
life, but their special ability is resurrection. That comes in handy
because as you progress the game can get really hard.
You start off just blasting terrorists in the jungle, and rescuing
Bros. The bro parody names are funny sometimes, but sometimes they
don't even try. Bro Hard should be John BroClane for example. But,
others are pretty funny like The Brofessional (The Professional) and
Brobrocop (Robocop). Honestly, I just like blowing stuff up sometimes.
Your goal is to get to the chopper at the end of each level. Except
when you just have to kill a boss. Everything around you blows up or
is destroyed when you shoot at it. Even that can be pretty fun.
The fun and humor of the game count for a lot. I never did get much
farther than the later buzzsaw trap levels. But, the fast pace and
ultra-masculine satirical humor of the game is enough to keep me
trying. At the end of each level, you have to kill mini-Satan and
raise the USA flag for the chopper to come. But, I see that on the
last level, Satan turns into his final beast form and throws fireballs
that take up the whole screen that you have to run from while shooting
at him. Holy cow! Other levels include aliens and underground enemy
bases.
You can also design your own levels in the level editor. Mix and match
your enemies and power-ups! Create your own obstacles! Screw around
and shoot everything. It's a good time.
Ultimately, I think Broforce has enough challenge and fun to make it
infinitely replayable. Though some levels are definitely not my
favorite, like the Rail Fortress boss. However, once you beat a level,
it's always really satisfying to see everything blow up, and hear that
victorious heavy metal guitar riff. Try playing Broforce anyway you
can. It's a blast whether you're playing solo or with your bros!
It's an American Revolutionary War Strategy Game! Well, Calling Liberty or Death a strategy game is a bit generous. It's much more a resource management game with a historical framework. Every move you make takes a certain resource, whether its food, gunpowder, or troops. The battle system is really limited. You move one square at a time, and troops need to be right next to each other to attack. For this reason, it doesn't hold up. I always wanted to like this game more than I actually do.
It's quite literally just whoever has the most things wins. For a historical game, I understand this. It puts the pressure on the players to launch quick and smart attacks, but the one move at a time mechanic really limits your paths to victory. For the British, you want to use your Navy to quickly cut off America from Europe, and capture Philadelphia, or the American General. (Washington)
Now, if you're the Americans, you want to seize Boston to cut off the English Navy immediately, and send delegates to Europe to gain support and allies. Just like Washington did. You can also capture the English General. (Cornwallis.) If you can gain enough support/denial for American independence by running newspapers and delegates to states, they can switch sides from the British to the American army or vice versa.
The resource management and delegate processes can actually be pretty fun, and it's always satisfying to gain support from such-and-such new state. However, the battle system is just tedious and not fun, when it should be the focus of the game, because you'll be doing it a lot. Like I said, everything moves one square, and everything has to be close up to attack. Even the guns. Add to this that you need to manage each resource before battle (Troops run out of food and powder.) and it makes the gameplay very dull...you'll have to use bayonets if you run out of powder, or the battle just ends if you don't have enough food.
In spite of this, I just thought I'd write about this weird historical strategy game because it had so much promise. Some of the resource management is fun! It's always fun to get new troops or new support. But, the part that should be fun, battling, isn't. If you don't end the game before 1800, the game ends with British victory automatically, and Thomas Gage becomes Lord Governor of the 13 Colonies. It's a shame then, that America only has a small path to victory. It's historical, but that also means it's limited.
Surprisingly, I thought the strongest point of the game was also it's biggest weakness...the music. The same 1-minute battle ditty plays on loop for every battle, which gets annoying when you're moving square by square. Now, during the resource management phases you get rousing midis with flute noises and drums, and even “The Star-Spangled Banner". An upbeat continenntal theme which calls America “The Land of Liberty and Justice” plays in the event of an American Victory.
Overall, “Liberty or Death” is a nice educational resource management game. There's sort of an idea of a strategy game there, but it falls flat and the most exciting parts quickly become the most tedious. I'd say unless you really like historical tactics games, you're better off skipping this one. It has some cool ideas though, as sort of a historical “what if?”. Unfortunately, as much as I want to wonder “What if the Spanish had helped American independence instead of France?” I just keep wondering “What if this game were more exciting?”
“Hibiki plummets into the sea but is saved by a girl with mysterious powers.”
Hibiki belongs to a parkour team in post-apocalyptic Tokyo after Tokyo becomes filled with bubbles and cut off from the rest of the world. His team is called the Blue Blazes, or BB. They battle other teams like the Under Takers, or The Mad Lobsters in this Capture The Flag parkour sport. One day, Hibiki falls into the ocean water while playing, and swears he sees a mermaid.
This mermaid is actually a feral girl who he names Uta, with a strange secret. She acts like a cat, and has a strange attraction to vortex patterns and The Little Mermaid fairytale. Stranger still, when she hums a tune, the bubbles react to her harmony. Later, she joins the parkour team and helps them defeat a technologically advanced team, The Under Takers, by using the bubbles as stepping stones.
The Under Takers want revenge, and so kidnap Makoto, one of the team members, and challenge BB to a death match. Just then, Uta starts to come apart literally. She's made of bubbles! The team and the morticians have to come find her as the world around them is ripped apart by a vortex of angry bubbles. And soon, Hibiki discovers Uta dissolving into seafoam, just like the mermaid in the story.
Bubble is a very peculiar anime. On one hand, it's a sports drama in post-apocalyptic Tokyo. On the other it's a romantic fairytale bursting at the seams with poetry about the transitory nature of existence, and how all things return back to their source: stars, water, plants, bodies, seashells. The vortex pattern is everywhere.
In particular, I liked that Bubble had good disability representation. Hibiki is shown as having some form of audio sensitivity. But, despite this, he can hear the song of the bubbles. In addition, his friend and mentor Shin has a prosthetic leg, which plays further into the theme of the body as transitory. But, does it add up to anything? Well, I suppose it depends if you like romance. If you do, I recommend this one. For me, personally, I say give it a watch on Netflix. If not for romance, then sci-fi sports action!
"While Team RWBY studies to become the greatest Huntresses the world of Remnant has ever known, they are faced with a horrifying threat."
Weiss gets possessed by a nightmare Grimm that threatens her dreamworld. After recapping little bits of RWBY Vol.1-2, the story then shifts to Team RWBY trying to save Weiss from this Grimm. It's good to see RWBY finally in anime form, but I don't think it covers enough new ground. It answers the question of why Weiss suddenly gets along with the rest of her team. I like some of the new clothes.
Overall, Ice Queendom is just OK. Basically, Team RWBY was defeated by Nightmare Weiss, and they figured out their dream versions can't defeat her, so they have to figure out what she wants and enter the dream again. They're bringing Team JNPR this time. I don't know how I feel about it. Like, obviously, 90% of animes are about power vs. friendship, and I'll always love the setup of RWBY, but 1.) I kinda feel like I've seen this all before, 2.) even if you're a new RWBY fan, it doesn't work without knowledge of the main series.
I don't feel like they created enough new stuff. And the dream world thing is such a cowardly way to say "We're not sure if this is canon yet." It's literally the "It was all a dream" trope. Good to see the RWBY gang as always, but not enough new. I suppose it's just as well, since RWBY started as a Final Fantasy 8 ripoff...which is fine by me. But, enough was different that the characters became their own. Ice Queendom is stuck somewhere in the middle.
It's ok for what it is, which is a recap of the main series for Japanese audiences without committing to canon. The visuals are pretty good. If you have good snacks, you can enjoy it. But, I can't help but feel I've seen it before. If you haven't, watch it. If you have, you can probably skip it. But, it does add nice little details to the beginning of the main series.
“Competitive ice skater Tonya Harding rises amongst the ranks at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships, but her future in the activity is thrown into doubt when her ex-husband intervenes.”
Well, I learned a lot watching this movie. I was very young when Tonya Harding's trial was going on, and I don't remember too much of it. I remember it as she herself who attacked Nancy Kerrigan in 1994. Turns out, it was her abusive husband's friend of a friend who was pretending to be a top counterterrorism expert. What a wild and intriguing story.
Margot Robbie plays Tonya Harding, from her training with her controlling mother at age 4, to right up until she's BANNED for life from skating after “the incident”. She allegedly just meant to scare her competition off. But, her ex hires a wannabe hitman to break her leg. Tonya goes back to being a waitress. Later, she's approached by an agent who wants to recruit her for Team USA in 1994. Then, she gets in after Kerrigan is taken out, and then the court case begins.
To ensure that she wins, her then ex hires a wannabe CIA goon to take out Nancy Kerrigan, her competition in Team USA. It's a wild story. Like I said, I always thought she did it herself until I saw this movie. I had no idea how many people were allegedly pushing her, (even her mom.) and how forced she was into figure-skating. I think she should've just been a hockey player. That's just me. She had the talent and anger issues.
Ultimately, it's a story of narcissism and abuse. Everyone abuses everyone. Everyone acts tough and has insecurity. I liked how it showed what happened, and how it showed Tonya Harding as a human. She's vulnerable. Even though her boyfriend at one point calls figure-skating her “superpower”, she's not a superhero, or a monster. She's a human. This is the best biopic I've seen in a while. If you have time, give it a watch!
“A computer hacker is abducted into the digital world and forced to participate in gladiatorial games where his only chance of escape is with the help of a heroic security program.”
Tron is a very interesting movie. It's about computer programmer, Kevin Flynn, who gets zapped into the computer world while programming his game, Space Paranoids. The Master Control from The Dillinger Corporation has grown tired of assimilating corporate data, and wants to add the data of people and nations to itself. So, it abducts Kevin and puts him inside the game room, which is designed like an old gladiatorial arena where deleted programs usually compete for freedom. Kevin is the first human to be zapped inside the computer.
Inside the computer is a very weird and surreal early 3D environment. The programs all wear neon outfits that are blue or red for good or evil. It almost reminds me a little of German Expressionism, in that abstract shapes and colors convey emotion inside a twisted reality. Once inside, Kevin becomes somewhat of a messiah figure. The programs look at the Users like gods. And the Master Control only wants to add to himself.
It tries to punish Kevin by making him compete in the games, but he goes off grid with his allies Tron, RAM, and Yori. Tron outruns some tanks sent after them. Because Kevin worked on the game, he can pilot some of the vehicles meant for other games too. Tron uploads this data to his disk, which all programs have, which they'll need to defeat the Master Control. They come to a pool where they can replenish their data like water after the chase, but RAM dies, or rather, “de-rezzes”.
Before he disappears, Kevin gains control of a glider called a Recognizer, which he can pilot like an arcade game with a joystick. Kevin brings Tron and Yori to an unfinished part of the game, but since he programmed it, he can get through. Meanwhile, Tron and Yori have to get through the control tower guard who resembles the User DuMont to talk to Kevin and join up with him.
They find the real DuMont being tortured by Master Control in a room full of red, tortured programs. Finally, Tron challenges the head slaver Captain Sark to the disk-throwing game, and slices his brain open. It's actually quite a grizzly scene, even in 80s CGI. Flynn challenges the Master Control and helps Tron, as a program, add all his data disk to Master Control, freeing the system. All the lights turn blue, and the programs are free.
Overall, Tron is pretty great. It's a little goofy in its use of computer terminology, but I like the strange operatic feel it all has. If programs were alive, they'd probably see us as messiahs. And I like the gladiatorial story this opens up to the viewer...even if it is a little cheesy, it does raise good points. Does Machine serve Man, or does Man serve Machine? It's high-concept sci-fi.
And in the end, the Machine (Tron and his friends.) is helping us, the Users. (Kevin Flynn.) Meanwhile, the 3D gives it a sort of mesmerizing dream-like quality, so it's never boring to watch. I'd say if you have time, give it a watch. It's free on Disney+!
Interstella 5555: The 5tory of The 5ecret 5tar 5ystem (2003):
“A continuation of the story told in the Daft Punk music videos "One More Time," "Aerodynamic," "Digital Love," and "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger."”
Interstella 5555 tells the story of an alien pop band who is abducted and given new Earth identities. In effect, it is an anime (French/Japanese with Toei and Daft Life Productions) music video for Daft Punk's Discovery album. Each track provides the sounds. But, the anime does give a nice little narrative touch to an already great album.
The band is abducted from the secret star system after their done they're playing “One More Time”. The concert is invaded, they're gassed, given new identities and memories, and start to play for a devious record producer as The CrescenDolls. This is also a track name. Over time, they get tired and lethargic. But then, one of their old alien guards swoops down, takes the band, and tells them about their alien lives. They discover that they are being drained by their record producer Darkwood!
Next, they attempt to break into Darkwood Manor. They learn how he is an ancient evil man who thrives on gold records. After they steal back their memory disks, security attempts to stop them and they knock out the keyboard player, who reverts back to his original blue skin. Shocked, they get him to a hospital. But, the band breaks them out and they escape in a truck, with terminator-like guards following.
Then, they rocket off in a ship, and the Earth says goodbye to the CrescenDolls, who have reverted back to alien names and forms . After that, they broadcast their final song (“Too Long” from the Discovery album.) to Earth from the secret star system. Finally, a boy falling asleep stops listening to the album on a vinyl record player, as if it were all a dream.
Really, I just wanted to review this movie because it is an odd little piece of music history. A Japanese animation for a French pop band's music video. But, it also has aliens, science fiction tropes, music, and anime. All of which are topics that I cover. If you like Daft Punk or just want something neat to check out, give it a watch on YouTube.
“Brother/sister duo Hansel and Gretel are professional witch-hunters who help innocent villagers. One day they stumble upon a case that could hold the key to their past.”
Well, the word of the day is anachronism. This movie follows Hansel and Gretel as modern action heroes, who hunt down witches and somehow live in the 19th century fairytale world. One day, they stop the sheriff of Augsburg from executing a woman falsely accused of being a witch. They know because she doesn't look like one. Meanwhile, Hansel and Gretel set about trapping witches with audio recordings, and hunting them down with shotguns and machine guns.
Along the way, they find that one of the head witches, Muriel, has a secret plan to abduct children and become impervious to fire. Fire, in this world, is the only known way to kill a witch. Except when Hansel and Gretel are injured by Muriel's witches, they discover there are good witches who have access to healing and holy water. Including the woman they saved before, Adrianna. Hansel is saved by Adrianna and Gretel is saved by a troll named Edward.
Later, Muriel attacks the town itself to try to sacrifice children, and reveals the truth to Hansel and Gretel. Their mother was a good witch, and they abducted them because eating them would've made them invulnerable to good witch magic. So, Hansel and Gretel meet up with Adrianna, and storm the dark witch castle, armed with blessed machine gun crossbows, miniguns, shotguns, tripwires, and tasers. They attack right before the ritual can be performed, and mow them down with the blessed weapons.
Finally, Edward and Adrianna join the party, and the adventure draws to a close. I would recommend this movie if you have good snacks. It's definitely a popcorn flick, drawing heavily on the action-fairytale trope of the early 2010s like Jack The Giant Slayer, and Snow White and The Huntsman. But, it's free on Prime, so as long as you don't take it too seriously, it's a good time.
“A young boy and a group of misfit friends embark on a quest to find a dark magic item of ultimate power before a diabolical tyrant can.”
In the land of Prydain, the fate of the world will be decided by a pig keeper! The Black Cauldron is about Taran, a young boy looking after a psychic pig. One day, Taran sees that the pig is acting strangely, and discovers that the evil horned king wants to use the fortune-telling animal to find an artifact that can summon undead warriors. Its name is the Black Cauldron.
Along the way, Taran discovers some friends: Gurgi (a Gollum-like creature who steals things.), a bard (Fflewddur), a fairy, and a princess (Eilonwy), who can use magic. He even finds a magic sword while confronted by the evil king's henchmen. Then, Gurgi bravely throws himself into the Black Cauldron to stop the emerging skeleton army. Later, as part of a bargain with witches, Taran trades the magic sword in order for Gurgi to return to life.
I enjoyed this movie a lot. I might be a bit biased because it reminded me of something like a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, and I like DnD. You've got your standard DnD party (Fighter, Healer, Magic User, Thief.) and they all are on a quest to stop an evil king. I love a good fantasy adventure. Plus, Gurgi really reminded me of Gollum, from Lord of The Rings.
So, I'd recommend this movie if you like both those things. Some neat little additions too, are the voice acting from the late greats Freddie Jones and Nigel Hawthorne! Definitely watch this one on Disney+, if you have time. It's a classic fantasy adventure!
“A police officer is brought out of suspended animation in prison to pursue an old ultra-violent nemesis who is loose in a non-violent future society.”
Sylvester Stallone plays John Spartan, a hard-nosed cop who pursues Simon Phoenix, a crazy criminal. Now, after he burns down part of a crime-ridden LA, he and Phoenix end up in a non-violent future after being frozen. This leads to some pretty funny scenes. For example, the police can't apprehend Phoenix, and don't know what to do after he responds with an aggressive remark.
But also, John Spartan can't adjust to the future world, either. Swearing is outlawed, and he racks up fines for each curse word. He doesn't know that all restaurants are now Taco Bell, or that people wipe themselves with seashells now instead of toilet paper, so he has to use the curse fines as toilet paper. Sandra Bullock as Lenina Huxley helps him adjust to the future, but she keeps getting old expressions wrong. (i.e. “blow this guy” instead of blow him away.) That's all pretty funny.
Apart from the absurdist comedy of an action hero stuck in a pacified future, there's also some great action scenes. Phoenix kills a bunch of guards and museum goers after getting guns from a firearm exhibit. He and Spartan have a good shootout in the museum. Then, in a nod maybe to Terminator killing T-1000, Phoenix later shatters into pieces after being trapped by dry ice in a factory.
But, it turns out that Phoenix himself wasn't operating alone. He was being hypnotized by Dr. Cocteau, the founder of this supposed utopia. He was using him to assassinate Edgar Friendly (Dennis Leary), a rebel leader who lives underground and rejects society's rules. In this way, the film also touches on some social issues, such as censorship, just use of power, and the role of violence in peacekeeping. It's influenced by Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.
Overall, I'd recommend the film to anyone who likes sci-fi, absurdist comedy, and/or good action movies. I enjoyed it. Give it a watch on Hulu, if you get a chance. On the surface, it's a good shoot-em-up. But, it isn't afraid to make you laugh, or think. Truly, a modern sci-fi classic with a unique blend of comedy, action, and philosophy.
“The story of the legendary British outlaw is portrayed with the characters as humanoid animals.”
Well, I never thought I'd be reviewing this classic. So, here I go! It's the tale of Robin Hood, as seen through the animal kingdom. Robin Hood is a fox, Little John's a bear, and the whole thing is told by a rooster. Prince John is a power-hungry maneless lion, bent on taxing the poor, and living a rich lifestyle.
But, Robin Hood robs from the rich and gives to the poor. We first see this when he and Little John disguise themselves as female fortune tellers, but Prince John lets them in, because: “Female bandits? What next?” Then, when the rabbit Skippy has a birthday party, Robin Hood stops by and gives him his hat and bow. Well, he gets into some trouble as he shoots an arrow in Prince John's court.
Maid Marian checks on Skippy, and from this, the haughty Prince John and Sir Hiss get the idea to lure Robin Hood out with an archery contest (But, not before getting robbed again!), and then by kidnapping Friar Tuck! Robin Hood enters the contest disguised as a giant stork, fake beak and all. Clever!
After winning the tournament and Maid Marian, Robin Hood is found out, Friar Tuck is captured by the wolf Sheriff of Nottingham, and all looks to be lost until Robin Hood and Skippy's friends organize a jailbreak. (In disguise of course, this time as the dumb vulture guard Nutsy.) He fights the Sheriff and then disposes of Prince John for the actual king, Richard The Lion-Hearted. In this version, of course, he's an actual lion. Maid Marion and Robin Hood get married, and it all makes for a good lighthearted kid's movie.
A few notes before I recommend this one. There's some reused animation that's from the Jungle Book (1967). Most notably, during the dance number. The whole thing is (Oodalalee!) after all, a musical. But, other than that, the voice acting is good (Sir Hiss the snake and Prince John sure ham it up together.), the hand-drawn animation is nice, and I found it fun to re-visit, years later. I hadn't seen it since I was a kid, and I thought it holds up. Give it a watch on Disney+!
“The story of Saitama, a hero that does it just for fun and can defeat his enemies with a single punch.”
One Punch Man is something I've wanted to talk about for a long time, because it's so good. It's a comedy shonen. Usually, shonen are just about POWER GUYS who want POWER because POWER is good, so they quest to get more POWER. Here, Saitama already has ultimate power and is just doing the hero thing for fun. That's what makes it very fun and relaxing to watch, despite its action-packed shonen backdrop.
Early on in his hero career, he trains so hard he becomes bald. That's his origin. After that, he can knock out enemies with one punch. He even makes some enemies with the heroes from the Hero Association who are jealous of him. These make all the fights in Season 1 hilarious. The villains and other heroes talk a big game, and then it's over in one punch.
But, he doesn't just make enemies. While fighting a giant mosquito lady, Saitama befriends a cyborg Genos, who's training to become a hero. Saitama takes him on as a disciple. Then, One Punch Man takes out the “House of Evolution”, Hammerhead's "Paradiser Gang", and some others like “Speed o' Sound Sonic", who is a ninja. Eventually, Genos convinces Saitama to join the Hero Association, so he can have fans. From there, he passes the physical exam with flying colors while completely forgetting the oral test!
After multiple heroes struggle to take out the “Sea King”, One Punch Man arrives leisurely. After he punches him out, some kids and heroes start to claim that Saitama is a phony, or a job poacher. From there, the anime becomes a weird alien invasion story. Their leader Ouroboros has a heavily armored spaceship, and about 5 “final forms” of armor. Of course, the only thing Saitama really fights is boredom. He just says “Ok.” after Ouroboro's villain monologue. But, he has to break out his “finisher”: Serious Punch!
Even after all that, Saitama finds that most the aliens are good. So, he keeps to his apartment and lets them hang around. The reason I like Season 1 is it tells a pretty chill, self-contained story which is pretty much the opposite of your average self-serious, meandering action shonen. That alone makes it funny. The next seasons are about the arrival of the Hero Hunter villain Garou, and a tournament arc, with the ending teasing the arrival of the Monster Association. These are good, and deliciously self-depreciating, but nothing really compares to that first season.
One Punch Man is always looking for a good fight, but can never find it. Despite this, he's never boasting or talking himself up. He battles boredom, and gets excited for simple things like clearance deals on food. That's pretty much the entire joke. Some people hate that kind of humor, but I loved it. I haven't seen a shonen quite like it. If you've got a chance, definitely watch it. It's one of my favorites, and free on Hulu.
“In the 1980s, a drummer is abandoned by his band just before they become rock superstars. Twenty years later, the drummer sees his second chance at stardom arise when he is asked to perform with his teenage nephew's high school rock band.”
Rainn Wilson plays a washed-up rocker who teaches some emo high school kids how to rock. He's kicked out of his band Vesuvius in the past. When they make it big, he gets bitter and resigns himself to an office job. A new success by his old band triggers his bitterness again. But, then he plays with his nephew's high school band at prom, and wants to drum again.
Afterwards, they get noticed on YouTube. But, it's because people are laughing at them. He doesn't care though. It's enough to get them noticed. And then, they start playing big shows again. Gradually, the band's success goes to their heads. The lead singer Curtis kicks out Fish. (Rainn Wilson.)
Meanwhile, Curtis realizes he made a mistake. Even though he was a crazy drummer who changed their looks and lyrics, they see the new drummer as a wet blanket. They invite Fish back and play in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. Warming up for his old band.
Fish's old band all became sellouts and speak in faux British accents. The rest of the movie is basically him confronting his old fear of his successful bandmates. It feels like it starts to repeat a little. I recognize their was a period where every 00s teen movie tried to be an 80s movie. It feels a little weird that all that needed to happen was for an emo band to change it's look and sound entirely to hit it big. I know it's about standing up to The Man, but you're better off watching School of Rock for that.
All the movie needed to do was have the kids learn who they really are. But, then it repeats itself for their mentor. The first three acts are ok, even if a little cliché. But, that last act with Rainn Wilson suddenly losing his edge just falls flat. Overall, you can skip this one. Watch School of Rock.
“When a regular guy dumps a superhero for her neediness, she uses her powers to make his life a living hell.”
Everyone in this movie is crazy. Even the superhero. Matt Saunders works in a design firm, and has bad luck with the ladies. His pervert friend Vaughn says the answer is just a quick hookup. Unfortunately, the woman he hooks up with is a superhero. Things start hot and heavy, as Jenny Johnson (a.k.a. G-Girl, whose hero moniker is never explained. What's the G stand for? Great? Gamma? Genetically-enhanced?) is just looking for reprieve from her job. But then, she gets psychotically possessive.
G-Girl routinely controls who Matt can see and won't let him go to work, breaks his stuff during making out, and is paranoid to a fault. When Matt tries to break up, she breaks his apartment, ruins his meetings (by stripping him with super speed in public.) and throws his car into space. At one point, she even throws a shark into his apartment. That was funny, because it was so unexpected!
One day, after a date, Matt is kidnapped by the goons of G-Girl's archnemesis Professor Bedlam. He reveals that he and G-Girl used to be in love. (After Professor Bedlam hangs Matt from the Statue of Liberty.) But, after she gained her powers from a meteor, she ignored him. Luckily, he has a piece of the meteor that gives her her power. If she gets too close, it will de-power her. Matt, tried of having his life screwed up, agrees.
Meanwhile, back at Matt's office, a girl named Hannah is always getting Matt to ogle her. I told you everyone is crazy in this film. G-Girl has been jealous of her since the beginning, so when she shows up as he's luring G-Girl towards the meteor, a huge fight erupts. But then, Hannah is exposed to the meteor, and can suddenly give G-Girl a fair fight. Then, “Berry” Bedlam realizes he should've gone out with G-Girl, and Hannah and Matt take it steady afterward.
Honestly, everyone in this movie is just a huge relationship red flag. I thought it would end with G-Girl realizing she's a villain, but I guess since it's a comedy, it's all played for laughs. But, the only one who kind of made sense was Bedlam. He shouldn't want to de-power her, but it absolutely makes sense in this case. Overall, this is a movie best enjoyed with snacks, and a huge grain of salt! It's free on Hulu, anyway.
“Dorothy, saved from a psychiatric experiment by a mysterious girl, is somehow called back to Oz
when a vain witch and the Nome King destroy everything that makes the magical land beautiful.”
Return to Oz is some dark and crazy stuff. I almost forgot it was a Disney movie. Back on the farm, Dorothy finds a key to Oz. But, her parents still don't believe she ever went there. So, they commit her to a mental hospital, where she's going to be subjected to electroshock therapy. But, after a storm, she escapes with a friend and a chicken named Billina.
Some of the character design is really wacky and twisted. For example, everyone in Emerald City has been turned to stone, and Wheelers (humanoid punk monsters with wheels for limbs.) dominate the landscape. The Yellow Brick Road is destroyed. The whole movie has a desolate, strange, and uncanny feeling.
Characters Dorothy has as companions are Tik-tok, (a clockwork man.) Billina the chicken, Jack Pumpkinhead, and The Gump, who is a mounted deer head on a flying sofa. Mombi has taken over Oz. She can remove her head, and replace it with any head she takes, which is pretty creepy. On top of Mombi, there's another new enemy. He calls himself The Nome King.
The Nome King is made of stone and hates chickens, for reasons that aren't revealed til later. He claims all the jewels in Oz, so he turned Emerald City to stone. He also likes riddles and games. If Dorothy can pick which objects he turned her friends into, she can leave. But, of course, it isn't that easy. There's always a twist.
Overall, I liked all the weird enemies and companions. I think if I were a kid the movie would've freaked me out. But, I liked the weirdness of it all. Especially Tik-tok and The Nome King. It's rated PG, but that still kind of surprises me. If you're in the mood for a twisted fairytale, give it a watch on Disney+!
“While navigating their careers in Los Angeles, a pianist and an actress fall in love while attempting to reconcile their aspirations for the future.”
So, La La Land is a musical about two artists wanting to pursue their dreams. Mia is an actress and script writer working on a play and TV treatment. Sebastian is a jazz musician who dreams of opening his own club, and playing free jazz. Instead, they are met with an uncaring L.A. They're stuck in side gigs they don't want. But, in spite of this, the two connect by holding onto their dreams.
When Seb and Mia first meet, they are rude to each other, and resent each other. Each is embarrassed by their ambition, feeling that maybe their time is up. But, when they share their passions with each other, the world becomes full of color and music, and excitement. For example, there's no dialogue in the planetarium scene. The music is telling you how the characters feel.
Seb and Mia eventually decide to meet somewhere in-between. They pursue their dreams even though it might drive them apart. Seb can't stay where he is and be a jazz musician. Mia has to stay in L.A. with her boring business fiancee Greg if she wants to be an actress. In one scene, we see how life might have played out had the characters had a life together in their heads. When you see Greg at the piano in the jazz club (having switched places in their heads with Seb and Mia.), you realize how silly it all would've been.
But, at least the characters got to live their romance together for a little while. La La Land is a movie about dreams, romance, and music. So, the music shows you that world, and those feelings. It's all set against the backdrop of Mia working at a coffee shop or Seb half-heartedly playing Jingle Bells on a piano at a Christmas party. If you have time to experience it, give it a watch on Hulu.
“A Colombian teenage girl has to face the frustration of being the only member of her family without magical powers.”
Encanto is about a magical family, the Madrigals. Every member of the family has a different power except Mirabel, who's never gotten one. When the magical house starts to crack up, she seeks out Bruno, an estranged member of the family with ominous fortune-telling powers who everyone blames for spoiled weddings and various unfortunate events. He's also the subject of one of the best songs: “We Don't Talk About Bruno.”
As the search for Bruno begins, the family members start to lose control of their powers. Strong Luisa becomes weak, Pepa can't control the weather she creates, Camilo can't shape-shift, and turns back into a baby. I thought that was funny. Mirabel confronts Bruno and finds out that she's supposed to embrace Isabela, who's wedding she supposedly spoiled. So, they're not exactly getting along.
After talking and singing with Isabela, she finds out that the grand matriarch Abuela is forcing her into her marriage. She never wanted to marry. Abuela's pain at losing her love was what was cracking up the house. Not much to complain about here. The animation is great, the songs are catchy, and it's a bright and colorful depiction of Colombia. Plus, a great moral about how people are more than their abilities! I recommend it, if you have Disney+!
“A modern aircraft carrier is thrown back in time to 1941 near Hawaii, just hours before the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.”
An aircraft carrier in 1980 gets caught up in a time storm, and ends up in 1941! With the Japanese about to attack, the crew now faces a conundrum. Do they attack, or let the attack happen to them? Well, first, the systems analyst (Warren Lasky, played by Martin Sheen.) is able to determine through records and radio frequencies that they are in 1941. Plus, Senator Samuel Chapman is also nearby on a yacht, so the time storm reality is confirmed. But, before they know who he is, they rescue him from Japanese planes. He was supposed to die in the attack!
Meanwhile, the Japanese pilot who attacked Chapman's yacht sneaks onboard the carrier and takes hostages, now armed with automatic rifles. Having already changed history, they have no choice but to defend themselves now. They communicate with the pilot in Japanese, and he gets scared and starts shooting. They take him out, and arrange for Chapman to be dropped off back at Pearl Harbor.
Chapman overhears this plan, and refuses to be dropped off. But, in order to preserve history, they tell him he won't be at Pearl Harbor. Chapman takes the helicopter crew hostage. Well, then Chapman's secretary falls in love with Wing Commander Owens, and agrees to be dropped off at a nearby island with him and her dog. Chapman kills himself accidentally by setting off a flare gun. Unknowningly, history is preserved.
But, not before Captain Yelland (Kirk Douglas.) gives the order to attack the Japanese planes, not knowing the course of history has just been saved. This opens the time portal back up, and they arrive back in 1980. Of course, who's waiting for Mr. Lasky back in DC, but Mr. Owens himself, his wife, and a miraculously 40+-year-old dog!
This was a great film. I was a bit surprised to find in buried on Tubi. It kind of reminded me of a very high-concept Star Trek episode or something. I haven't watched a good high-concept time travel sci-fi movie in a while. Definitely check it out if you can! I know I basically spoiled it, but half the fun is watching them figure out history and how they change courses. That's fun even if you know what's coming. Even the film synopsis is a huge spoiler!
“The Man of Steel crusades for nuclear disarmament and meets Lex Luthor's latest creation, Nuclear Man.”
Look, you don't need me to tell you it's bad. There's giant plot holes, cheap sets, reused shots, and cartoony action scenes. And yet, in light of current tensions, I thought I'd still enjoy Superman throwing nukes into the sun. I was wrong. Very wrong. It's like they had one good idea...Superman throws nukes into the sun to try to achieve world peace. But, didn't think through the rest of it at all.
Lex Luthor busts out of prison and creates Nuclear Man from Superman's hair and the energy from the nukes thrown into space. Superman meanwhile, is trying to go on a double date as both Clark Kent and Superman. Nuclear Man crashes through buildings and says he'll “hurt people!” and “Destroy Superman!” He also talks like a caveman.
So, Superman does the logical thing, and fights Nuclear Man around the globe. In Italy, and China. He rebuilds the Great Wall with his eyes somehow, and stops a volcano by throwing a mountain into it (Why?), and freezing it with ice breath. Finally, he fights Nuclear Man on the moon, where Nuclear Man is shown to have less power, and still Superman gets pounded into the moon like a Looney Tunes character.
When the sun rises, Superman flies back and drops Nuclear Man into a nuclear containment facility after a short battle. He reasons that the sun must be the source of enemy's power. (Did he forget it's his too? Did he forget he has ice breath?) Meanwhile, in a goofy subplot, the Daily Planet almost turns into a tabloid that says Superman is dead. But, then is just bought by Perry White again, without Superman at all.
None of this makes sense. There are too many inconsistencies and plot holes. Superman is shown at one point to have radiation poisoning from Nuclear Man. That was kind of interesting. But, then how was he cured? I thought at least the fights might be cool, but instead it's Looney Tunes style bonks, and slap fights in space. I think the most Nuclear Man does is bonk Superman.
I like Christopher Reeve as Superman. He's a hopeful incarnation of the character I think we need back, in terms of style and body language. But, not like this. Not as a big goof flying around back and forth in re-used footage. I think they had one good idea. Superman trying to help the world. The rest is just idiotic. Do I need to say it? Skip this one.
“A vain actor, his best friend, and an activist end up at a mutant freak farm run by a weirdo scientist.”
It's sort of a weird Dr. Frankenstein meets Garbage Pail Kids gross-out comedy all wrapped in an early 90s MTV aesthetic. A salesman (Ricky.) goes to sell illegal fertilizer called Zygrot-24 from EES (Everything Except Shoes.) but ends up captured by a mad scientist (Dr. Skuggs.) and turned into a weird tumorous beast boy. His girlfriend and his best friend, Julie and Ernie, are combined into a Siamese twin. Then, they meet companions and plot their escape from the doctor.
Most of the humor comes from the grotesque freak designs. But, there are moments where it's like each scene is its own little parody. After being told to make the most of his freak form by his friend Worm, Ricky launches into a soliloquy from Shakespeare's Richard III, with subtitles for the “culturally illiterate”. There's even a Hollywood Squares bit that introduces Ricky's new friends including Ortiz the Dog Boy (Keanu Reeves), Worm, a giant worm man, Cowboy, a literal anthropomorphic cow, the Bearded Lady (Mr. T in a dress.), and Sockhead, who has a sock puppet for a head.
Now, EES comes in as soon as the freaks try to make their escape. Their plan is to make Americans more productive by turning them into freaks with more arms, hands, and no mouths to talk back. At the same time, Dr. Skuggs plans to turn Beast Boy Ricky into a super mega freak dedicated to evil, who will kill his friends to make room for more freaks. And then an amusement park!
It's definitely not a pretty movie to look at, but it does have comedic moments if you're in a gross-out irreverent headspace.In my favorite bit, Dr. Skruggs falls into a vat of Zygrot-24 and becomes the ultimate freak...a talk show host! You're definitely gonna need snacks for this one to enjoy it, but otherwise you can skip it! Don't say I didn't warn you, but you can watch the whole thing free on YouTube if you dare!
“A foul-mouthed former gymnastics bronze medalist with local celebrity status reluctantly trains a rising Olympics aspirant.”
Melissa Rauch plays a fictional foul-mouthed Olympic bronze medalist (Hope Ann Greggory.) with a heart of...well, bronze. I mean, I guess she turns out to kind of care about other people. She's still selfish, entitled, and jealous. She expects people in small-town Ohio to give her free food, and gifts. She doesn't really respect her dad, and lives off his money after her injury.
So, she receives a letter from her dead coach, asking her to train her new rival for another Games. Well, she tries to train her wrong, as a joke, but then discovers 1.) she won't get her coach's money if her trainee doesn't qualify, and 2.) another rival coach is there, ready to tell on her and break the deal. This mostly results in her trying to undo the damage she's already done, giving her good gymnastic advice, and putting her on a better diet...but, not without insults.
The most interesting character is Ben (Thomas Middleditch), the gym owner's son, who suffers from facial ticks. Hope mockingly calls him Twitchy. Ben later confesses that he admires Hope for her athleticism. It spurs her to go on a date with him, and shape up a bit. She becomes a little nicer when someone appreciates her as she is...injury and all.
Look, it's not going to win any awards or anything...but I enjoyed it. Especially as a look into what motivates people to be better. She doesn't change who she is, just becomes a little less bitter. Watch it with some snacks, don't take it too seriously, and this sweet-and-sour comedy will be a treat!
“A Vietnam veteran with two kids leads a bank heist that ends up killing one of his war comrades, leaving him to protect the murdered man’s daughter.”
Never did I think a family comedy/martial arts movie would revolve around plastic pizza. Like, toy pizza. Anyway, some bank robbers put some keys to a vault containing Vietnam War gold inside pieces of plastic pizza. Meanwhile, some kids, Tony and Charlie, are training for a state karate tournament.
Well, Charlie's dad gets murdered by the mob after being mailed toy pizza. So, the kids go to live with their Uncle David. He teaches them martial arts, and they try to impress his murdered brother's daughter. Except wait, weren't they already in a karate tournament? None of the karate should be unfamiliar.
Meanwhile, they get made fun of at a dance club, and some mafia guys attack them, where they learn that Tony's dad was part of that mob, and one of his goons was the bully. Also, the dwarf bartenders attack them. I'm not joking! So, then they go to the bully's house, where he's EATING WITH HIS MOM and beat the snot out of him.
Then, he agrees to call the police on the mob. They find the mob boss Angelo, and beat him up, but then decide it's just easier to give him the toy pizza. But, they beat him up, so...they win? You just made it easier for the bad guys to get the gold. Honestly, it all comes back to a kid calling the police. The karate and the crime drama feel really disconnected. None of the karate scenes actually do anything to advance the plot. Also, don't be fooled by the poster: Bolo Yeung is not the main character.
Look, I know someone wanted to follow that Karate Kid money. But, none of the karate here (While fun to watch.) matters. We know they've already trained, but then Uncle David trains them again anyway. It's like they forget that part, just so that we can have more training scenes! They already won a karate tournament! And the pizza plot is just...strange. Who puts keys in toy pizza? I guess it was supposed to be funny.
Overall, I don't think this movie has good enough action to be a good action movie, or good enough comedy to be a good comedy. The plot makes very little sense, and could've easily been a crime drama instead of forcing it into a Karate Kid-type family movie narrative. Definitely skip this one. You aren't missing much. Unless you like pizza jokes, I guess?
“In a post-apocalyptic world, a warrior wandering through the desert comes upon a group of settlers who are being menaced by the leader of a murderous gang who's after the water they control.”
Patrick Swayze plays a nomad passing through looking for food and shelter in an apocalyptic wasteland. He finds a family, and then has to protect them from roving raiders as they make plans to irrigate the town with a freshwater source. It's pretty much sci-fi action Roadhouse (1989), except instead of protecting a bar, he's protecting a post-nuclear war town.
And not only is he pursued by would-be invaders, but also people from his past, as it's hinted at that the nomad used to be a soldier in the last great war. Kasha (his would-be hostess.) makes plans to irrigate the town with her water supply, but this is what brings back trouble from the nomad's past, an assassin named Sho.
Sho has some cool weapons, including swords and a signature knee-dagger. He also refuses to fight Swayze's nomad unfairly. (Which seems very sporting for a hired assassin.) Although I like Patrick Swayze, he constantly holds his sword the wrong way. It just bugged me. Also, he takes a liking to her kid, Jux, and builds a “wind-racer” with him (Sort of a sailed go-kart.) which eventually leads to one of the slowest chase scenes I've ever seen.
All in all, it's not Mad Max or Star Wars, but it is a fun little post-apocalyptic B-movie that's sure trying to be both. Some of the action scenes venture into comedy territory they look so bad. It is hard not to like Patrick Swayze in a rugged family man role though. If you have time, give it a watch on Tubi. But, don't take it too serious, and keep some snacks nearby!
“An action drama about a mysterious Hollywood stuntman and mechanic who moonlights as a getaway driver, and finds himself in trouble when he helps out his neighbor.”
Drive is about a stunt driver who secretly works as a getaway driver. However, he wants out, after a job to rob a pawn shop goes south. It threatens a family he cares about, which is the only peace in his life he has. The driving scenes are really calm and highlight the stabs of grotesque violence. It's almost artful in its deliberate mutilation such as headshots, bashed limbs, or heads.
Ryan Gosling does a good job playing a smooth criminal. He never really loses control, especially in the car. The car scenes are oddly peaceful. The most he'll ever be intense is when he's attacking, but other than that, he's collected. The synthwave soundtrack also adds to this serene feel, where you hear nothing but a soothing bassline until the action creeps in.
In the end, it's up to the driver to return his boss's stolen money, and save the people he cares about if he can. There's Shannon, (his stunt driving boss.) his maybe girlfriend Renie, and her son. Meanwhile, the unnamed driver has to fend off a mob boss's goons before he can return the money. If he can even get to him on time.
Speaking of time, if you have time, give this movie a watch. It's entrancing and almost hypnotic to watch. The soundtrack alone makes it a very cool experience. Were it not an action movie, it'd be relaxing. But, the action scenes are very well done too, they are very heavy, and give a sense of relief when the calm bits drag...then, it's full-throttle!
“Zak runs away from his care home to make his dream of becoming a wrestler come true.”
A man with Down Syndrome (Zak) escapes from a nursing home to become a professional wrestler. Now, I'm somewhat of a pro wrestling fan, and this movie deals with disabilities, so I liked it. Along the way, Zak is helped by Tyler (Shia Lebeouf) a fisherman and latchkey kid who's on the run for stealing crab pots. He helps Zak face his fear of water as they search out the wrestling school.
They find out they're not bad people at all. Tyler helps (reluctantly) come up with a wrestling name for Zak... The Peanut Butter Falcon, because of Zak's love for peanut butter. Meanwhile, Zak is still being pursued by Eleanor, his former nurse, who explains that she's just trying to do her job. The movie does a good job showing both sides of assisted living: the longing for freedom vs. security.
After they all find the wrestling school, Zak finds that his former wrestling idol, Saltwater Redneck, is a husk of his old self. But, Zak is such a big fan that he convinces him to teach wrestling one more time. He teaches him some moves, and even books him a match with Samson. (Played by Jake “The Snake” Roberts!)
It feels somewhat ambiguous whether the trip succeeds or not, as Eleanor would surely take him back to the facility as soon as he finished. But, at least Zak pursued his dream, and made his own decision. If you have time, watch it today. It's comedy with a lot of heart, and even some good wrestling cameos!
“A docile family man slowly reveals his true character after his house gets burgled by two petty thieves, which, coincidentally, leads him into a bloody war with a Russian crime boss.”
Bob Odenkirk vs. the Russian mob! The movie is about Hutch Mansell, an auditor with a few surprises.
When his home is invaded by the Russian mob, and his daughter's kitty cat bracelet goes missing, all hell breaks loose as he defends them. Everything is used as a weapon, and the fight scenes are great.
One heck of a ride!
One of the understated strengths of this film is Odenkirk's comedic chops, such as when he shouts at the first burglar to “GIVE ME THE KITTY CAT BRACELET...” or when he calmly walks into the Russian mob boss's club, eats dinner, watches the show, and then presents him with a landmine. Odenkirk has the ability to make very heavy action scenes very funny. Otherwise, it might just be a self-aware “John Wick” style movie, which certainly is how it was marketed...so I was surprised it was so funny!
I've talked before about how I hate the cliché of every assassin/fighter being “The Best”. But here, part of the joke is that he's so good, he just wants to be left alone to live a normal life. Early on, people pick on him, you see people don't respect him, but then that first fight scene with the mob on the bus kicks in, and by the end, the mobster is breathing through a straw.
I recommend this movie. It's got a nice action-comedy mix, and Hutch's transformation from auditor to beast is fun to see. It's definitely hyperviolent, but not without some big laughs. I had a blast. There's even a few high-profile cameos. Check it out on Hulu, if you can.
Green Snake a.k.a. White Snake 2: The Tribulations of Green Snake (2021):
“Verta the green snake-demon must find a way to escape from the modern Asuraville of mortals, in order to rescue her elder sister Blanca the White Snake from the demon-slaying monk Fahai.”
“Green Snake” as it was released in America on Netflix, is in fact a sequel to the animated “White Snake” (2019) movie from China. Let's treat it as it's own movie though. After a fight with the monk Fahai, White Snake is sucked into a kind of Buddhist purgatory. Green Snake goes after her. There, she finds that she's no longer in Tang dynasty China, but an amalgam of the modern world and spirit world called Asuraville.
She meets up with Simon and his party, who are hunting down demons led by Mr. Ox. They want to conquer Asuraville, whereas the others just want to return. Old Fox, a spirit with a fox on one side of her head acts as a guide, and explains how to leave Asuraville, by dropping their “tokens of desire” into a pool. Meanwhile, Green Snake might actually have met White Snake (Blanca), reincarnated as a man who's name is never revealed anyway.
Then, when they all gather their tokens, they battle with Mr. Ox again. He finally agrees to leave with them after removing the no-name man's face, for some reason. Then, they battle Fahai again. Green Snake is defeated over and over actually, but ends up in the modern world when she beats Fahai. Green Snake is confused. So was I.
I don't know that I liked this movie. I didn't hate it, but it had way too many side-quests. First it's about Fahai, then find Green Snake, fight demons, then find Green Snake again...it goes on for about 30 mins too long. Plus, I don't like that the action stops just so they can explain the tokens of desire midway through. By the time they got to the 2nd Fahai encounter, I was lost as to what the main story was. Was it to find White Snake, defeat the demons, or get home? Hadn't she done all that before anyway?
I don't really recommend this movie. The animation and battle scenes are good. But, there are just way too many subplots that divert the main story. Maybe it would've made more sense if it weren't presented as a standalone movie. But, in its present form on US Netflix, I have to say skip this one.
“Humans in a fascist, militaristic future wage war with giant alien bugs.”
Starship Troopers takes place on a world where Earth is united under a military dictatorship called the Federation. Despite this, this movie is more about the every day life of Johnny Rico and his friends as they work their way up the ranks. First military school, then bootcamp, then seeing action on Planet P, and then the Bug homeworld, Klendathu.
One of the first things that I thought was how much the world looks like Starcraft. That was an obvious inspiration. Second, how nonchalant Johnny and his friends (Carl, Carmen, and Dizzy.) are about military service. They take co-ed showers together, and they're talking about what field they're going to work in, instead of ogling. (Although there are romances, men and women advance equally.) One of Johnny's friends, Carl, gets into military intelligence, so they can partake in an invasion.
However, during training Johnny accidentally kills a squadmate, and wants to go home to Buenos Aires. But, the bugs send a meteor to blow up the city just after he calls his parents. So, Rico takes part in the invasion of Klendathu, after brown-nosing to a drill instructor. This is where the real battle and violence begin. Bombs, guns, people ripped apart. 100,000 dead by the end.
It turns out the Federation was ambushed by the bugs. They can anticipate human movements through the use of “Brain Bugs” that suck out marines' brains. Then, the movie turns into a quest to stop the Brain Bug, and Johnny takes over his old commander's squad, becoming “Rico's Roughnecks”. Overall, it's a good sci-fi action flick, with a good array of weapons, sci-fi tech, and good ship models.
The characters are relatable even under a military dictatorship. Each character has their own ambition, and relationships, ranks, and how they react to battle. Some of it is actually pretty funny, like when Johnny's psychic buddy gets his ferret to believe there's a grub on her leg, so it bugs her. But, the 2nd half is a bloodbath, as Johnny's squad evolves from schoolkids to full-blown soldiers. Boom! Check it out, if you can!
“A pop singer gives up her career to become an actress, but she slowly goes insane when she starts being stalked by an obsessed fan and what seems to be a ghost of her past.”
Mima is a pop idol who wants to leave her band (Cham) to pursue a career as an actress. But, as soon as she joins the police procedural crime show Double Bind, murders start to occur in the ex-pop idol's name. She discovers a website written by “her” (as Mima from Cham.) that not only lists what she does every day, but also serves as a hit list of writers and producers on Double Bind.
She tries to confront them. Soon, she slowly discovers she's losing her grip on reality, and is unable to recall what she did, and if the murders are real. Where is she? Who are the murderers? Is she the murderer? Is she an actress, or a pop idol? What is reality, and what's on TV?
Satoshi Kon does a great job blurring reality and fantasy. Some of the imagery isn't subtle for a murder mystery. For instance, who is the hired killer? Gee, how 'bout the guy who looks like a hired killer? But, it's a good surrealist horror piece, and much of the mystery still holds up. That said, much of this movie wouldn't make sense today.
Mima doesn't know what a website or a “double-click” is. There are fax machines that call her a traitor. The media landscape has changed so much since 1997, these scenes are almost comedic. Still, Satoshi Kon does a good job putting the horror front and center. There are exploding letters, stabbings, sexual abuse, and even a doppelganger claiming to be “The real Mima”.
It's not to everyone's taste, and is violent, but it's a good look into the work of Satoshi Kon dividing reality and fantasy. If you're in the mood for a surrealist murder mystery, check it out. Just beware, there's a lot of horror, and it's a little dated. Otherwise, I say give it a watch!
“Sometime in the distant future, a fledgling band gets an opportunity for a breakthrough, if they can make it in time to a faraway planet to perform in a very popular club.”
So, Judy Jetson gets selected to replace a famous rockstar girl, Ace Lucas. She joins the band The Vicious Lips on their way to a big gig at The Radioactive Dream. Really, the whole movie plays like just an 80s music video, or rock opera. They keep setting it up like it'll be more, but it never really is.
They crash on a desert planet. Then, it turns out that there's an escaped ape-like alien on the spaceship. They keep acting like he should be scary and creepy, but then she smokes some “Martian herb”, and ends up on a planet called Passion Inc. where zombies chase her, and ask her if she wants to be a star.
Then, she wakes up, and it's all been a dream. Literally, one of the most cliched endings. The entire second act doesn't matter. They sing their ending number “Lunar Madness” and then roll credits. I feel like I have to go easy on this movie, since it is just a rock opera. They tease a bigger plot, but it's like Thriller. It's a vehicle for music videos.
Some of the sci-fi costumes, and songs are cool. If that's what you want, give it a watch. If you expect a full movie, you'll be disappointed. It's basically some music videos with dramatic interludes. As for me, I was disappointed. I say skip it. You're better off not knowing the 84 minute movie you watched was just a dream. Spoilers. Oh well.
“Satoru Fujinuma can travel back in time to save others' lives. When he wakes up 18 years in the past, he has a chance to save his murdered classmates.”
Erased is an anime on Netflix that time travels between 2006 and 1988. It's a murder mystery. Each time somebody is about to be killed, Satoru can use his ability called “Revival” to go back in time and stop it. This results in several timelines being created. A few where he and his friends and family die. A few where he goes back to 1988.
It all starts when his classmate Kayo goes missing. Then, she's being abused. He finds her as a 9-year-old in 1988, and vows to find “Date X” the day she is murdered. He can switch between 1988 and 2006, but never control when he revives. This anime is a roller coaster of emotions. Often a sweet scene like a birthday will be immediately followed by child abuse and murder.
It's a mystery, so I can't give that many spoilers as to who the killer(s) are. I'll say the sci-fi time travel aspect is neat. Soon, more abductions follow Kayo's. There are even a couple timelines where he is framed as the murderer. If you have the hankering for a good mystery, definitely check this one out. But, I'd say be warned, it goes from very light to very dark all the time.
“Ostracised villain John Kreese attempts to gain revenge on Daniel and Miyagi, with the help of a Vietnam War comrade, the wealthy owner of a toxic waste disposal business.”
Terry Silver tricks Danny into training with Cobra Kai. John Kreese fakes his death after his dojo is defeated, and calls on his Vietnam War buddy Terry Silver (Now a wealthy toxic waste mogul.) to humiliate and destroy Daniel and Miyagi. Meanwhile, Danny spends his college fund opening a bonsai tree business for Mr. Miyagi.
Mr. Miyagi and Daniel are attacked by “Karate's Bad Boy” Mike Barnes, on Silver's orders. But, Miyagi still won't let Daniel compete in the karate tournament. Here's where Terry Silver slithers in, and presents himself as a reasonable sensei, when he is in reality a bloodthirsty sociopath who aims to torture Danny through training.
When Danny tries to say he's had enough, Mike Barnes, John Kreese, and Terry Silver jump out at him, but he's saved by Miyagi. This is where the karate really gets good. The tournament fight in this one is much better too. Overall, I thought it was a strong entry in the trilogy. Pretty much required viewing for the Cobra Kai series.
In this movie, you get to see what a crazy guy Terry Silver is, and how extreme the Cobra Kai “No Mercy” philosophy is. Danny's knuckles bleed, and his foot is bruised during training. Terry has no qualms about teaching students to hit the eyes, throat, and groin. All illegal hits. And yet, he puts on a slimy good guy face that makes him hard to look away from.
If you have time today, definitely give this one a watch. Johnny Lawrence was bad, but Terry Silver is truly evil. Plus, there's improved karate scenes, like a better tournament this time. There's no doubt in my mind, Mike Barnes will be back for the Cobra Kai series. We may yet get to see Cobra Kai as evil again! You won't wanna miss it: Check it out!
“RoboCop returns to protect the citizens of old Detroit but faces a deadly challenge when a rogue OCP member secretly creates a new, evil RoboCop 2.”
A new drug called Nuke is in the city, and Robocop has to take out the cult distributing it. The drug dealer turns out to be a kid, and he can't shoot him. When Robocop finally does track down the cult, he's dismembered and out-gunned. This leads to some silly scenes where they re-program Robocop to not be violent (Still not safe for kids!), police bad language, and smoking.
It's a pretty funny Robocop. A good mix of action-comedy. Meanwhile, scientists are creating a new Robocop program: Robocop 2. Unfortunately, the candidates are psychos and murders, not good citizens like Officer Alex Murphy. There's even a lot of debate over if he's company property, or an officer.
This is just good satire and action movie fun. Robocop unites the cops finally, but it's his human side that wins out. He's not just a company machine, and he has free will. It's a pretty fun watch, and ends with a pretty good shootout between Robocop and Robocop 2. Give it a watch, if you have time!
“In a realm known as Kumandra, a re-imagined Earth inhabited by an ancient civilization, a warrior named Raya is determined to find the last dragon.”
Raya re-discovers a dragon (Sisu, The Water Dragon.) when she lets a “friend” borrow and break her Guardian gem, which unleashes a great evil on the kingdoms of Kumandra. Each kingdom is named after a part of the Dragons. Tail, Spine, Heart, and Talon. She travels the apocalyptic landscape on a giant aramadillo hoping to convince the kingdoms to unite their gem pieces and face the evil smoke monsters, the Druun.
The animation is pretty good. Sword fights and chases replace the usual Disney song and dance numbers, so that's nice. But, other than that, it's a pretty forgettable, by-the-numbers Disney story set in another culture. She meets representatives from each of the tribes, and her former friend Naamari. The last person who has to learn to trust is Raya herself.
All in all, this is the epitome of a better watch with snacks. The sprawling landscapes, characters, and sword fights are good. But, I feel like it could have been better if the plot weren't built around a drawn-out Disney moral, and everything else is go to Point A and Point B. It felt like there was more to the story and characters than find the MacGuffin. But, I guess it's just not my demographic.
Young kids should like it. I appreciate that they did something different from a Disney musical. It's a pretty good fantasy adventure. I enjoyed it. But, I definitely needed snacks to keep my attention. It just felt like it could've been more, but was good for what it was. If you have time, watch it with some good snacks!
Well, Coneheads was free on Hulu. I figured if there's ever a comedy about seeing through alien eyes, this is it. Beldar and Prymaat come from planet Remulak to conquer Earth, but end up staying as “illegal aliens” after a malfunction. A lot of the humor comes from the way they talk so scientifically. For example, “re-numerating with metallic tender discs.” for “paying in change”; or “consumption of mass quantities” for eating.
Beldar and Prymaat slowly adapt to American life despite being aliens. Beldar is a hard worker, and can succeed at almost any job because his cone or body can interact with machinery. Meanwhile, he has the government chasing him and his family down. Beldar's child, Connie Conehead, was born in America and quickly falls in love with a car mechanic (Chris Farley!) because she can describe in detail all the equipment in his shop! Yes, Connie has normal teen problems and fights with her parents, but is still an alien!
Eventually, Beldar's ship returns for him. But, Connie convinces him to stay in America, because they have a good life. They may look funny and talk strangely, but they are good people once they stop being chased around. It's a great comedy, if you have time. Direct your ocular sensors upon it! (Give it a watch!)
“When the world is threatened by an ancient evil, the four adolescent turtles must reunite and overcome their faults in order to stand against it.”
I have no idea why someone thought it was a good idea to make a Ninja Turtles movie take place after they defeated Shredder. Part of it takes place in Central America. You have hundreds of villains, characters, and plots to choose from in the TMNT universe. What they decided was to use a standard villain named Winters, and slowly introduce Dimension X, while back in NY, the turtles struggle with menial jobs.
Leo disappears to Central America to learn how to be a better leader...or something. Raph is a superhero vigilante called Night Watchman. Mikey becomes a party clown. Donatello lands a job in IT. It's kind of fun...for a one-off joke, not bringing together the whole team for the entire run-time.
Anyway, monsters start appearing in NY thanks to Winters and a Central American tablet which makes a portal appear. Stone soldiers and mutants start attacking. This is just about the only good fight scene we get with all the turtles fighting as a team. The rest of the movie is them rescuing Leo from the monsters.
It does have a few redeeming qualities. There's a fight scene between Raph and Leo. That was pretty good. The voice actors are pretty good. Patrick Stewart is Winters. Chris Evans is Casey Jones. Mako plays Splinter. It's free on Netflix, but absolutely skip this one, since it's trying to set up franchise sequels we know never happened. I think there was a videogame, but otherwise what a waste of some good ideas.
“Cryptozookeepers try to capture a Baku, a dream-eating hybrid creature of legend, and start wondering if they should display these beasts or keep them hidden and unknown.”
Well, I guess it helps to know what you're getting into before you watch a movie. I expected this movie to be bizarre, but I didn't expect it to open with two naked hippies getting viciously attacked by a unicorn with South Park-levels of gore. It's a wild movie! Free on Hulu.
From the hippies, we go to our main protagonist Lauren, a cryptid hunter. It's the 1960s, and she's globe-hopping to save mystical creatures. They save Russian storm birds, a satyr, a medusa, and a guy with a face in his chest (voiced by Michael Cera.), to build a zoo for cryptids...Cryptozoo!
One day, she discovers that the Baku (dream-eater) who helped her with nightmares as a kid, and inspired her quest to become a crypto-zoologist, is being held by the US military. So, she gathers her cryptid friends and quests to save her from them. Thus, the movie turns into a sort of mystical spy epic, with tons of gore as the animals and soldiers are both killed/or captured.
I'm not necessarily against violence in movies, I just think I wasn't prepared to watch an officer get eaten by a South American megaworm. Or goblins get shot, or a hippie to be impaled by a unicorn. The general message seems to be that nature wants animals to be free, not used as weapons or entertainment. The animation is psychedelic and 1960s-inspired, so at least it's never boring. Watch it with some snacks, and you'll have fun.
“On a journey to find the cure for a Tatarigami's curse, Ashitaka finds himself in the middle of a war between the forest gods and Tatara, a mining colony. In this quest he also meets San, the Mononoke Hime.”
Prince Ashitaka has to stop an evil demon plague from taking over the forest, and his arm. Meanwhile, there's a war brewing between animals and humans. Some people want to destroy the forest spirit. (Mononoke means “forest spirit”) Some want to destroy the humans, and some want to destroy the animals, and let technology grow unrestrained.
Ashitaka wants to bring balance between nature and humans. But, he's got all these obstacles in his way. Luckily, he gains an unlikely ally in San, the human princess raised by the Wolf Queen. He has to unite the animals and convince them to make peace, if it's even possible. Also, Lady Iboshi and her gun-wielding ladies of Iron City (Tatara) have hired a mercenary monk and others to kill the forest spirit.
Of all Hayao Miyazaki's films, this is definitely the most violent. There's tons of action, blood, and war. But, I feel it's all balanced out by the beauty of the Ghibli art style, and the ecological message. This is the anime I usually recommend to friends who are just getting into Miyazaki, since it's more like traditional anime, with the over-the-top level of action.
Of course, the real hero here is the art. It's all hand-drawn, the movements are all slow and human (As opposed to fast and exaggerated, as in other anime.) ,and it really lets you take in the awe of the forest, animals, and nature. As well as showing the horror of war, and the destruction technology can cause when unrestrained. The more the forest is off-balance, the more the evil plague grows. If you have time, it's a fantastic film. Definitely worth a watch. Check it out!
